


Don't Forget These Moments

by fangirl728



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Cardboard box sex, Discussions of PTSD, Electrocution, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Feels, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, MSF Soldiers - Freeform, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:57:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4920481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl728/pseuds/fangirl728
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love cannot grow on the battlefield. It grows instead inside the hearts of men, never spoken of but always present. This is the story of Big Boss and Kazuhira Miller. This is the story of their love. </p><p>(Okay so raise your hand if TPP ruined you life, made you cry, and sent you into a spiraling insanity. You're not alone. This fanfiction is essentially a mostly canon compliant (there's some "artistic interpretation") all encompassing story that covers Big Boss's and Kaz's entire lives. This baby will cover from 1974 to 2014 and it will make you cry forever.)</p><p>*Updates every two weeks*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I begin my foray into this long-ass story. But, I had to write this for my sanity, cuz ya know, Kojima broke my heart with TPP. So just a couple warnings, this fic immediately spoils a bit of MGS Peace Walker, so if you haven't unlocked the true ending, be warned. I also nod to a big spoiler in TPP in this first chapter, but you'll only catch it if you've already beaten the game. And yeah, sorry for the semi dialogue heavy nature of this chapter, I had to role through this first cut scene. Also, you'll notice I ended up skipping most of that cutscene. That's because although this fic follows the games, it's story isn't about the plot of the games. The focus of this fic is Big Boss and Kaz's relationship, so I'll skim over a lot of plot points regarding Peace Walker, and eventually TPP, when I get there. So yeah, sit back, relax, and prepare yourself for all of the feels... cuz we'll hit them eventually.

**October 31, 1974**

“Master Miller, Master Miller, come quick!”

“What is it now, soldier?”

Kazuhira Miller didn’t look up from his paperwork to meet the gaze of the soldier who had so enthusiastically called him. Although his voice was raised with excitement, its happy tone eliminated all thoughts of a negative cause for his agitation. Not to mention, the men of the Militaires Sans Frontieres had been planning all day for the Halloween party they were having that night, although how they planned on celebrating in the rain, Kaz had no idea. Nevertheless, they had been coming to him all day for his opinions, but Kaz honestly didn’t have the time to respond to them. He’d hoped to plan MSF’s budget for the next month, but his plans were circumvented when he discovered that they had no budget at all. So instead he went searching through the mountain of files he’d collected over his time of running the business, trying to find where the money went.

The soldier that had come to attention in front of his desk seemed to hesitate, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to Miller anymore.

“It’s just…” he stuttered, “Well it’s nothing important, but… Boss wanted to see you.”

Kaz tapped his pen thoughtfully against his desk.

“Tell Snake to meet me here. I need to talk to him too.”

The soldier began backing out of the door and Kaz turned back to his papers. The interesting thing was how bad they really were. Kaz found the money, and it had all gone to things he’d approved of like guns, equipment, food; things that they needed. But they just weren’t turning a profit. Money from the small, odd contracts they got wasn’t enough to cover running a small army, even an army that only had around twenty men in it. They didn’t even have enough money to eat.

“What’s on your mind, Kaz?”

Kaz looked up, startled. In front of his desk was Snake, fresh back from a mission. He had the files he was sent to retrieve in his hand, so at least that was one contract they’d done. That might pay for their meals for the foreseeable future. Snake put the files on Kaz’s desk. When Kaz didn’t immediately respond, Snake filled the silence.

“We really need to fix that,” he said as he gestured to the leak next to Kaz’s chair. A bucket had been placed there to catch it, but the bucket was almost overflowing itself. Kaz sighed.

“That’s the problem, Snake. We don’t have any money.” 

Snake bent down to pick up the bucket, looking at Kaz with a confused expression. 

“We take contracts all the time. Of course we have money.”

“We don’t have enough, then,” Kaz responded, leaning back in his chair.

Snake poured the contents of the bucket out of the window, returning it back under the drip. 

“Well then try not to think about it tonight. Figure it out later.”

“Snake,” Kaz began, but Snake quickly cut him off.

“The men want you to be there before they start their party. You’re right, things are bad, and they need the morale boost,” Snake patted Kaz lightly on the shoulder. “You’ll figure it out. You are a businessman after all.”

“Yeah,” Kaz said quietly, staring at the text of the reports. “You’re right. You go on ahead. I’ll catch up in a minute.”  


Snake nodded and walked out the door. Kaz began corralling the loss papers into one stack, organizing them back where they belonged. As Kaz stood up to walk to the door, the phone began to ring. Kaz rushed back to it, picking it up eagerly. After all, it could be a client. Kaz greeted the caller like normal, waiting to hear the response. It took a while, but eventually a quiet voice spoke on the other line.  


“You are Kazuhira Miller, correct?”

Kaz immediately grew weary. No one ever called asking after someone. Not on their business line.

“Yes. Who is this?

There was a pause on the line. Kaz considered hanging up in the silence, but then the voice responded.

“You may call me Cipher.” 

\-----------

Kaz stumbled outside a little while later. The rain had stopped and the party was in full swing. There was an assortment of lights, music, and alcohol, all of which Miller had no idea of how it was procured. Frankly though, he didn’t care. He grabbed the first bottle of beer that was handed to him, tipping it back to try to wash away the guilt.

_I have nothing to be guilty about,_ Kaz reasoned. _I just made a business deal, nothing more_.

It wasn’t long before he drank through his first beer, and had somehow managed to find another. The more he drank the more his deal with Cipher seemed less wrong. And the more fun this party was becoming.

At some point Kaz met up with Snake, and the two explored the festivities together. Kaz got out his tape recorder with a semi-coherent plan to record the highlights of the night, a plan made more difficult by the large quantity of alcohol they had both consumed. By the end of the night, they were both so drunk that they couldn’t stop laughing when the soldiers revealed their costumes. One of them had taken straw from a destroyed practice dummy and fashioned it into a blond wig. With it he wore a pair of novelty glasses. The soldier was clearly Alligator, but everyone called him Master Miller, and he did his best impression of Kaz all night. Next to him was Whale, MSF’s only medic. He had created an eye patch out of scrap fabric and tied a bandana around his head.

"Kept you waiting, huh?” Whale lowered his voice and scowled.

Snake looked on at his imposter with an unamused face. Kaz fell over laughing. 

**November 1, 1974**

Kaz woke up in his bed with no idea of how he got there. His tape recorder had been placed by him; the tape ejected and put on his nightstand. He groaned and pressed a hand to his head. He couldn’t hear anything over the pounding in his skull.

He rubbed his temples and put his glasses back on. He had a lot to do if he wanted to enact Cipher’s plan. He didn’t feel guilty anymore. He was making this deal for MSF, so that they could continue to thrive. He did this for the business. He did this for Snake. 

**November 4, 1974**

“We’ve got guests!”

“Time to move?”

“Don’t worry, they’re not our friends from Langley. I brought them. Made sure we weren’t followed.”

Kaz watched Snake give a slight nod of his head, and turn away from the MSF soldier he was training with. Kaz threw him a jacket and turned back to the jeep with his passengers.

“Professor Galvez,” Kaz said mockingly as he gestured towards the small building that served as the MSF base. Galvez stepped out into the pouring rain and glanced at Kaz.

“Remember your role, Miller,” he whispered, a slight shade of anger to his voice.

_How could I forget_ , Kaz thought as he followed him inside. Already the sub-commander was beginning to have second thoughts about working with Cipher. He knew that Snake wouldn’t approve of the alliance, and he also knew that Snake would never want to join with Zero again, that this plan was ultimately in vain. But MSF was struggling. Their financial situation was worse than what he told Snake; they were barely staying afloat. The benefits from this deal were too good to turn down.

Kaz put coffee on and adjusted his sunglasses. The sound of the door opening jarred him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Snake entering from the back, his hair mostly dry and his clothes fresh and adjusted. He sat down and pulled out a cigar, his eye locked on Galvez and Paz. As they began to talk business, Kaz stood in the back, entering in the conversation when needed. The story was easy to see through, but anything was worth a shot. Galvez explained the situation, the CIA’s involvement. When Galvez began offering the new forward operating base, Kaz made sure to step in.

Sounds pretty good to me,” Kaz spoke with a small smile, talking over Snake’s silence in hopes to sway him. “This place is becoming a mess anyway.”

When Snake still didn’t respond Kaz turned quietly and addressed him directly, lowering his voice as he did so.

“Snake, we need someplace we can settle down.”

“The government’s agreed to cooperate - unofficially of course,” Galvez continued as if Kaz had not interrupted him.

“A chopper for transport’d be nice too,” Kaz continued wistfully, giving a pointed look to Galvez. Galvez smiled benevolently at Kaz.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

At that moment Snake stood up with a start, his chair banging backwards in his haste. Kaz jumped at the sound, Galvez remained unaffected.

“Hold it!” Snake began, his gravelly voice raised slightly in anger. “You seem to think we’re just a pack of ‘dogs of war,’ is that right?”

Galvez shifted slightly before responding. “Yes, that’s what I heard. You’re an army without a state…”

“No,” Snake began slowly, “We only left our countries behind.”

_Deal’s over,_ Kaz though bitterly. There was probably no way Snake would take the bait now. Galvez could beg and plead, but Kaz knew how to read Snake. And he had already made up his mind. Galvez continued to talk though.

“…Tonight I stand before you as an educator.”

_A sob story won’t change his mind._

“This is my student. She came to me to study peace. Her name is Paz, Paz Ortega.”

“ _’Paz’_ …’peace’,” Snake said thoughtfully. Miller entered the conversation with an easy smile.

“No kidding? That’s my name too. _Kazuhira_ – it’s Japanese for ‘peace.’”

Miller extended a hand, but Paz refused it. Kaz pulled back slightly confused, but said no more. Galvez continued to talk. Kaz briefly thought that they were laying the drama on a little thick, but he played along as well. Of course, the girl’s story didn’t work, no matter how good of an actor Paz was, and before long both she and Galvez were standing in the rain. Kaz watched them waiting patiently outside while Snake continued to try lighting his cigar.

“Are they still here?” Snake crossly asked.

“Come on Snake,” Kaz started again, trying to keep his voice even, ever the mediator, “this could be good for us. They’re willing to give us an offshore plant…”

Snake looked at him darkly.

“… A place we can finally put down some roots,” Miller finished, unperturbed. “This is our chance to expand MSF.”

“We don’t need a place to stay, Kaz,” Snake said with a slightly exasperated tone. “We’re nomads. We always will be.”

“What, you’d rather keep wandering from conflict to conflict, tools in the hands of whoever’s fighting at the time?”

“The second we settle down, who’s to say we won’t become the warmongers?”

“Listen to me Snake. We’re not mercenaries. We’re not a foreign legion. MSF’s a business. A new kind of business.”

Snake made a disgruntled noise, dismissing Kaz by once again clicking at his lighter. Kaz sighed, his exhaustion beginning to show in his voice.

“Look, it’s not like we’re trying to start a war here. All we need to do is find out who this ‘security company’ really is.”

“Come on, Kaz. It’s pretty obvious they’re backed by the CIA.”

Kaz blinked. Snake had already seen through part of the plan. He might as well play along then.

“Wait a sec, that would mean…”  


“Our friend, the ‘professor’ is likely KGB. We’d be making an enemy of our homeland,” Snake finished Kaz’s thought.

“And there’d be no turning back.”

Kaz turned away from Snake, a little saddened. Their plan didn’t work. So MSF wouldn’t be getting a helicopter anytime soon. Just as he was about to leave, Snake unexpectedly spoke up.

“Put some coffee on, Kaz. It’s time for a little chat with the professor.”

\--------

A couple of hours later, Kaz sat silently at a table, listening to the constant sound of water dripping through the holes in their roof. In front of him were the plans of the new base, the budget he’d been allowed to fix it with, and the order form for a transport helicopter. Kaz flipped through them unhappily, exhausted to the bone. He wanted to lie down, to relax and let the stress of everything wash away, but he couldn’t sleep. He was kept awake by a nagging guilt. True, Snake had accepted the mission, but Kaz kept thinking about the way Snake had snatched the tape when he had heard the Boss’s voice, the way his expression had changed. Kaz had never seen him so affected by anything before, and it was Kaz who had allowed Galvez to bring that tape and his plan into their base. It was strange, but Kaz discovered that he was deeply moved by his boss’s mood. He had never noticed that affection and care for Snake before, but now it was impossible to deny. Snake’s emotional well-being was important to him, and that element brought a new confusing layer to their relationship that Kaz didn’t want to examine too closely, especially not now, so late in the night. Or was it so early in the morning?

Kaz was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he didn’t notice someone approaching. He was startled when he felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder. He looked up to see Snake staring back down at him. He had clearly just come from bed; his hair was tussled from sleep. He was wearing the basic army fatigue pants that they distributed to all members of MSF, and he was shirtless. Kaz gave a tired smile at his commander’s appearance.

“You know, Snake, you really shouldn’t walk around without clothes. You’ll catch a cold.” 

Snake face remained neutral, but his voice took on a lighter tone.

“And you shouldn’t do paper work in the middle of the night with sunglasses on.” 

Kaz rubbed at his eyes and grunted in acknowledgement. He did have a rather bad headache, and staring at a tiny print in the dark sure wasn’t helping.

“Why are you up anyway?” Kaz asked, stifling a yawn as he stretched. Snake didn’t answer and removed his hand from Kaz’s shoulder. Kaz sighed, and lowered his voice.

“Is it because of her?” He didn’t need to specify who she was.

Snake looked away from Kaz and lowered his eye.

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Fair enough,” Kaz said quickly, standing up. He didn’t want to dwell on his commander’s negative emotions any more than Snake did. Especially since he knew that he brought them on. “While you’re up do you want anything? Coffee?”

“Coffee won’t help you sleep, Kaz,” Snake chuckled.

“No,” Kaz admitted, “But it’s all I can make in this place.”

Kaz turned back to Snake. While he was shirtless, Kaz could easily make out all of his muscles, could trace the defined edges of his body. He could also count the scars that littered his skin. It was strange, but Kaz thought that they looked attractive. He’d never noticed it before. Kaz banished the stray thoughts from his mind; he had no room for petty teenage crushes in his life. He picked up his things from the desk and turned to leave.

“Seriously, you should put some clothes on.”

Snake smiled and began to follow Kaz out of the room.

“Do you mind it that much, Kaz?”

“Well, no, I don’t mind it, it’s just…” Kaz searched for the word as he stopped outside the door to the quarters he and Snake shared. Everyone in MSF bunked with someone else to conserve space. “… It’s distracting.”

Snake gave Kaz a very pointed look, and then spoke in a teasing tone.

“Why would my body distract you, Kaz?”

Snake snickered as Kaz threw the first thing he could grab, a pillow, towards him.

“That’s not how I meant it,” the second-in-command sputtered.

“Just go to sleep Kaz,” Snake said as he curled into his cot.

Kaz sniffed indignantly, but nevertheless stripped out of his uniform and crawled into his bed. Long after Snake had drifted back to sleep, Kaz found himself still awake, turning thoughts over in his head.

The things he learned that day frightened him a little. He was overly concerned for Snake, and cared about his feelings. Although that just meant they were friends, right? Friends cared about each other. Although, the newfound attraction to his commander was a little harder to write off. But Kaz always knew he was bisexual, and a hot body is a hot body, no matter who it belonged to. As long as it was harmless attraction, Kaz figured, it wouldn’t lead to anything.

_We’re friends, and nothing more_ , Kaz repeated to himself, before finally allowing himself to close his eyes and fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Update* So I'm linking songs on all chapters now. Some of them are more relevant than others but a basic theme of the song will tie in the chapter some how. Here's the first one: [Rent](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isNPK-x7cTc).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I managed to get this out in my self-imposed one week deadline. YAY! Also, sorry for the kinda boringness of this chapter. Nothing much happens, but that's because I needed my first Snake POV chapter to establish his view of the relationship-dynamic thing, so as a result, nothing really happens... yet.

**November 10, 1974**

“Snake,” Kaz’s voice crackled over the radio, “We have Amanda here at Mother Base. She’s in sick bay, but she’s not too happy about it.”

“I can talk to her if I need to,” Snake responded, “I’m coming to Mother Base now.”

“When you get here I can walk you through all of the repairs we’ve already made,” Kaz said. Snake swore he heard excitement in the younger man’s voice.

Snake clicked off his radio and gazed out at the ocean absent-mindedly. The hum of the transport helicopter had become a nice background to his thoughts, something soothing amidst the craziness of his life. Nuclear warheads in Costa Rica made this mission a lot more complicated than it was before. But it was something Snake would have to endure, just for the Boss. He knew, deep down, that she was dead, that he had killed her. But phantoms never died, it seemed. 

“And there she is,” Morpho, the new helicopter pilot, said loudly enough to be heard over the spinning rotors. 

Snake moved to the door of the helicopter, yanking it open; allowing a stiff breeze and the scent of the ocean to enter the cabin. He sat on the edge and watched as the plant got closer. There were three main platforms. The largest, the command center, was hexagonal shaped and housed a tall central building. Branched from it were two other platforms, each housing smaller buildings. Construction equipment was visible working on one strut of the base.

“Are they building more onto it?” Snaked called to Morpho, a little disbelieving.

“Master Miller is developing a number of different facilities,” Morpho shouted back, his eyes trained on the blinking lights of his control panel. He looked up briefly to see the base. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

“She’s excessive,” Snake growled under his breath. 

Morpho laughed as he began to take the helicopter down. “Don’t let the Master hear you say that. This base is his baby.” 

Snake sighed and shook his head. He had wanted MSF to forever be wanderers, without a home, but now, Miller wasn’t just building a home. He was building a goddamn Army-Heaven.

As the helicopter got closer to the ground, Snake saw Miller running towards the helipad. Snake jumped onto the deck as soon as he could, meeting Miller half-way. Snake looked Kaz over briefly, noting that his uniform wasn’t quite as perfect as it normally was, and that there were several stains littering it in places. Kaz didn’t seem too caring of his messy appearance and gave Snake a lopsided grin. 

“So? Waddaya think?” Kaz gestured his hand broadly towards the large command center and struts behind him.

“Honestly?” Snake crossed his arms and regarded Kaz thoughtfully. Kaz mirrored his posture and quirked his eyebrow in a slight challenge.

“Honestly.”

Snake smiled at his second in command and placed a hand on Kaz’s shoulder.

“You did good, Kaz.” 

Kaz visibly relaxed. 

“You really think so?”

“I think that all of the struts are a little much,” Snake admitted, raising his arms defensively, “But I see your point. We can really expand MSF with a base like this.”

Kaz smiled and grabbed Snake’s hand. Snake froze at the first contact, but then relaxed, allowing himself to be led. Normally physical contact was something that bothered him, but he had learned to make an exception for Kaz. The younger man tended to have no concept of personal space when he talked.

“Let me give you a tour,” Kaz said eagerly.

“Show me the showers first,” Snake said before Kaz could run off. “I’m covered in mud.”

Snake was to some extent self-conscience of his current appearance. He smelled like he had been crawling in muck for a week (which was true), and his face was coated with smeared camouflage.

“Yeah, sure thing Snake,” Kaz laughed, pulling Snake in a direction away from the command center. “I should really clean up too, I suppose.”

Snake smirked at his sub commander as they began moving towards another strut.

“I’d say. What have you been doing Kaz, crawling through shit?”

“Not that far off,” Kaz smiled wearily. “When we first got here, the whole place was covered in bird crap. It looked like hell.”

Kaz stopped them on a new platform. Around five single story buildings of various sizes stood facing each other. Members of MSF milled around them, talking amongst themselves.

“But look at it now,” Kaz said proudly, gesturing towards the scene. 

“You did good, Kaz,” Snake repeated, sincere.

"Yeah,” Kaz said, almost thoughtfully. “Come on. I’ll show you the bathrooms.”

Kaz led Snake to the building at the far end of the platform. Inside was a standard military shower room. There were multiple shower heads inside of open stalls, but no privacy curtains. 

“I was going to build private bathrooms for important staff members, which includes you, Boss, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet,” Kaz explained, “So right now we have to use the general shower room.”

Snake scoffed and walked in. “You say that like I mind.”

“Well, in my defense, you are a very private person.”

Snake just grunted in acknowledgement and began to unbuckle his harness of small pouches, weapons, and ammo. As he began to step out of his fatigues, he noticed Kaz, not far from him, also undressing. This wasn’t the first time Snake has seen Miller naked, the two had been running MSF for about a year now, and they were used to having no privacy. No one really cared about nudity in their small army. But for some reason, Snake couldn’t look away this time. He watched as Kaz shrugged out of his jacket and pulled his undershirt over his head. He was built, but not quite as muscular as Snake was. His once heavily defined body had become a little softened by frequent amounts of deskwork. He was still stronger than most men, however, and he proved it every time he trained with the rest of the soldiers. There was a good reason he was called the Master. 

Snake pulled his gaze away from Kaz. What was he doing, anyway? Peeping? Had he suddenly become a teenager again? Snake finished undressing, decidedly not looking at Kaz anymore. After removing his eyepatch, Snake went into one of the stalls, turning the water on and sighing in contentment. He had been crawling through the jungles and swamps of Costa Rica for about a week now. The warm water was a welcome change from sweltering humidity and muddy trenches. He did his best to wash the dirt from his body, cleaning the paint from his face as well. When all of the evidence of his last mission had been washed away, Snake turned off the spray. He then dried his hair, running the towel over his body before wrapping it around his waist.

Snake inspected his appearance in a mirror on the bathroom wall. His beard was coarse and unruly, a result of his refusal to shave. He stopped for a moment to examine his eye. He never bothered to wear a glass one. The lids were swollen and almost closed, but he could still see the empty socket underneath them. It was by far the ugliest scar on his body. Snake grabbed his eyepatch and once again hid the grotesque skin beneath it. He was about to pull away and dress when he saw Kaz’s reflection in the mirror. His back was to Snake, and he was currently drying his hair. Water dripped off his skin, running down the curve of his spine. Snake’s eye followed the drop’s trail, stopping to linger on Kaz’s ass far longer than it should have. 

Snake quickly looked away again. What was wrong with him? It was true, he supposed, that Kaz’s body was attractive. He was very popular with the ladies, after all. But since when did Snake care? He had sworn off any romantic interactions after EVA, and even if he hadn’t, his second in command was never a valid option. Snake rested his head against the cold mirror and banished all thoughts on the subject from his mind.

“What’s wrong?”

Snake looked up to see Kaz standing behind him. He had wrapped his towel around his waist. He was mostly dry, except for his blonde hair, which still clung to his head in its dampness. His trademark aviators were missing, and his bright blue eyes were filled with concern. Snake’s eye met Kaz’s and he gave a weak smile. 

“I’m fine, Kaz. Now, why don’t you show me the rest of this base?” 

Kaz looked doubtful, but dropped the topic anyway. They got dressed in spare MSF fatigues, Snake keeping his eye down the whole time. When they were done, Kaz began the tour.

They stopped at a number of places. First, Kaz briefly walked him through the command center. With all of the room they now had with the new plant, both Kaz and Snake had their own offices.

“It’s much nicer than when we just did paper work on the mess tables,” Kaz explained.

“But why do I need an office?” Snake asked, inspecting the books that had been lined in an impressive looking bookshelf. He opened one, _Guerilla Warfare_ by Che Guevara. Kaz paused a moment, as if thinking.

“You’re the boss. This is where you’ll do your boss-stuff. I mean, some paperwork needs your approval too right?” Kaz answered. Snake stared at him blankly. 

“But you’re the one who does all the paper work, Kaz.”

“But I don’t want to have to do all of the…” Kaz trailed off, and then waved his hand dismissively. “Just forget it.”

Next they went to the new R&D platform. Snake peered curiously into the research laboratories. 

"R&D. Research and Development.”

“And what do they do?”

“These guys are going to develop weapons and equipment for all of Mother Base. They’ll make everything from the guns and ammo you use in the field to the equipment and systems that we’ll use here.”

“They’ll make the weapons I use on the battlefield, huh,” Snake scratched his beard. “So they’re the most useful team here, then.”

“Oh please, Snake,” Kaz playfully pushed his commander. “Everyone’s important. Come on, I’ll show you the mess hall.”

The Mess hall was one of the larger buildings. There were long tables set up like a cafeteria. Some men were already inside, eating. They saluted casually in greeting.

“This is the most important team on Mother Base,” Kaz said with a smile. “As Napoleon said, an army marches on its stomach. The more people we have assigned to the mess hall, the better the rest of the soldiers will function.”

“Makes sense,” Snake conceded. “Want any dinner?”

Snake and Kaz sat together at a bench, going over more specific details of the base. Kaz showed Snake their budgets, but stopped when he discovered Snake was not actually listening. Instead, they talked about who to assign to their budding combat unit. Snake was more comfortable evaluating the troops, deciding who should lead what units, and what those units should do. Combat decisions were always something he could manage, even if the details of actually running an army this big went over his head.

By the end of the night, they were both leaning over a railing on the command center, watching the stars. Snake puffed at a cigar and watched Kaz from the corner of his eye. He seemed content, finally happy that he had a place to call home. 

Maybe that’s what all this was about, Snake thought, Maybe all Kaz wanted was a home.

Snake knew that Miller never considered Japan his home country, but he also never considered himself American, either. Kaz had told him as much. Snake wasn’t quite sure why, but he almost felt afraid to broach the subject, not knowing how Kaz would respond to it. 

“Isn’t it nice here?” Kaz spoke quietly, breaking the silence. “No one can bother us. There’s no state telling us what to do.”

“A haven for soldiers,” Snake whispered.

“Isn’t that what she wanted?” Kaz asked after a moment’s silence. “A world where soldiers are always welcome?”

“Not quite,” Snake said, pulling on his cigar. “No one really knows what she wanted but her, but I think she wanted a place where soldiers can live free; a world where we’re not just tools of some government.”

Snake couldn’t help but remember the Boss then, arms out and ready for death. He closed his eye to banish the vision. 

“What about you, Kaz? What’s your goal for expanding MSF?” Snake changed the subject.

Kaz took a deep breathe before starting.

“I want to make MSF into an organization that doesn’t take orders from any country. But to do that, we have to be strong -- strong enough to defend ourselves.”

Kaz gazed at the sky, not quite focusing on anything.

“We need money too. Money to train soldiers to fight,” Kaz turned to look at Snake. “The way I see it, MSF is something along the lines of a new kind of business. We can contract out a full range of military services. Not just combat.”

“We can be free then, when MSF’s that big,” Snake said thoughtfully. 

“And we can get there,” Kaz stated, “But Snake, I need you to recruit more men. Right now, we’re still too small.”

“By recruit, do you mean kidnap?” Snake asked with a smile.

Kaz pulled away from the railing, shrugging his shoulders and laughing.

“Hey, whatever works, right?”

Snake chuckled at Kaz, once again raising his cigar to his lips.

“Well, I’ve got some stuff I still need to handle. Good night Snake.”

“Goodnight Kaz.”

Snake watched Miller walk back toward the command center before turning back toward the sea. He was strangely content, in that moment, eye gazing at the countless stars. He always was, whenever he was around Kaz. He was starting to look forward to seeing Kaz more so than with a mere friend, and that thought brought back memories of earlier that day, in the showers. Snake was smart, he could connect the dots. His strong emotions for the man, and his newfound attraction, they all meant one thing: he had a crush on his sub-commander. Petty feelings of infatuation were, however, in the end harmless. Snake knew that as long as he didn’t act on any of his impulses, he and Miller’s current business relationship wouldn’t be affected at all. But still…

Snake found his mind wandering back to the showers. However, this his time Kaz was under the spray with him. Their mouths were locked in a deep kiss; Kaz’s hands were holding tight onto Snake’s back, and Snakes hands trailed down Kaz’s spine, lingering over the wet skin, grabbing that perfect ass…

Snake laughed at the absurdity of the fantasy and cleared the vision from his mind. 

_Now that’s never going to happen,_ Snake thought, still a little bemused by the absurdity of his daydream. He tossed his cigar into the ocean, an act he knew Kaz would disagree with, and began to walk towards his quarters in the barracks. 

_That may never happen, but a man can always dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm putting these notes on late but what they heck, I didn't have time to when I uploaded like, what, two days ago?  
> Ok, so I wanted to give you darling readers some points of information.  
> 1.) I finished a *rough* chapter outline, and this fic will end up being like, 60 chapters. Legit. It will take me 15 months to write the whole thing assuming I stick to my one week upload schedule. And with school, I can't put out any quicker than that. So strap in.  
> 2.) for those of you wondering the actual sexual/smutty portion of this story starts in chapter 10. Just in case you were curious.  
> 3.) I'm going to start linking songs that I think capture Big Boss and Kaz's relationship perfectly, but I don't have one for this chapter. :(  
> 4.) I also plan to start leaving notes on tha actual content of the chapter but I haven't had time. So I will!!! Eventually!!!  
> 5.) I love comments, they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Leave more!!!
> 
> *EDIT* New song: ["What I'd Give"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b32nfW0BBZs)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness of this chapter, the last week for me was very long and shitty, and I legit had no time to write. And the time that I did have to write, I spent it playing MGS Peace Walker. Oh, I mean I was "researching" for this fic.
> 
> Anyway, I was probably going to move my upload date to Monday/Tuesday-ish anyway, so technically this chapter isn't late, it's on time.

** November 12, 1974 **

Kaz stared idly at the ocean from his desk in the command center. He had already made sure that both Chico and Amanda had everything they needed and dealt with all of the plant-expansion teams and assignments he had needed to that day. That left him waiting for Snake to radio him. Kaz tried to be on call whenever Snake was gone on a mission; after all, he never knew when Snake would need his help or advice. However, this often left him trapped in his office for hours on end, shackled to the microphone and headphones of his radio. While in his office, Kaz could do nothing except for paperwork, which, though extremely important to the management of MSF, was not something he found overly exciting. Snake was right when he called Kaz a businessman first and a soldier second; Kaz knew the financial workings of their new company more than anyone else on the base, but on days like this one, when the constant reminder of action from Snake’s frequent radio calls began to wear on Kaz’s patience, he wanted nothing more than to be out on the field again, leading the men or even working in solitude, like Snake.

Yet, instead, he sat at his desk and did paperwork. Or, in the case of today, Kaz had, in his boredom, placed a blank sheet of paper over his clipboard and doodled on it. In some places were loose drawings of cartoon people; in one corner were the chord progressions of a song he was writing. Or, at least, he started writing it that day.  He was just starting to think of a title when there was a knock at his door.

“Yes, come in,” He called out, placing his clipboard and sketches face down. The man at the door was Alligator, who had been made commander of Combat Team Alpha by Snake a couple of nights ago. The team had returned earlier that day from their first successful Outer Ops mission, and Alligator was here now with the full report. The soldier saluted before taking a seat in front of Miller’s desk.

“The mission was a success, Master. Would you like a detailed mission summary or just the highlights?”

The younger recruit seemed eager to share the details, and Kaz was willing to indulge him.

“Go ahead and give me the complete rundown, soldier.”

Alligator excitedly began his play by play, and Kaz instantly regretted giving him so much freedom. Alligator took it upon himself to walk Kaz through every individual action of each soldier on the field during their mission. At some point during the speech, Kaz’s mind began to wander back to his song. Maybe he should call it something with ‘Love.’ Everyone liked to listen to love songs…

“Master Miller, are you listening?”

“Hm?” Kaz’s head snapped back up to look at Alligator. How much time had passed? “Of course I’m listening. Continue.”

Alligator didn’t need to be told twice; he continued as if nothing had happened. “So then Puma fired a LAW at the enemy we had already wounded…”

“Wait, wait, stop,” Kaz rubbed his head with his hands. “You’re saying Puma fired an M72 LAW, an Anti-Tank missile, at a soldier? Like, at one soldier?”

“Well, yeah,” Alligator seemed a little confused. “What’s wrong with that?”

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose. “Um, you don’t fire anti-tank missiles at lone men. That’s not what they’re there for!”

“Oh,” Alligator seemed a little crestfallen at that. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, he missed.”

Miller groaned and leaned back in his chair.

“Well, you accomplished the objective right?”

Alligator nodded.

“And there weren’t any injuries?”

“No sir,” Alligator said proudly. “But everyone got some valuable experience.”

“Then that’s all I care about. Dismissed, soldier.”

Kaz breathed a sigh of relief when Alligator left. Kaz was strangely happy to have the boredom back. It was better than listening to that report for ten minutes. He hadn’t been relaxing for long, however, before the silence was broken again, although this time by the beep of his radio. 

“Kaz, I’m inside the facility,” came Snake’s voice, slightly distorted by light static. “There’s rows and rows of trucks here.”

Kaz smiled, secretly happy to be hearing from Snake again, even if it was just business. “If that’s where they brought the nukes, then the truck we’re after should be there.”

There was a brief silence and Kaz waited while Snake, on the other end, presumably looking for the nukes. 

“This is the one. The exhaust’s still warm, but the cargo’s already been off loaded.”

Kaz cursed under his breath at the news.

“You need to find those nukes, Snake,” was all Kaz could think to say. The trail was about to go cold. “You need to get them before they leave that base.”

“I’m on it Kaz.”

Kaz sighed as the radio once again cut off and left him in silence. In the minutes that followed, Kaz did nothing but tap his pen on his desk, waiting for Snake to call back. He eventually decided to get up and make a cup coffee. Maybe the energy would help him through this headache that was beginning to form. When he got back to his desk, the radio was beeping again. With a push of a button, Miller was greeted by the sounds of missiles and gunfire. He coughed on the coffee he had just swallowed.

“Jesus, Snake, what’s wrong?”

Kaz put his coffee down, anxiously waiting for a reply. It seemed to take a longer amount of time than usual for Snake to respond. Kaz breathed a sigh of relief when he finally did. 

“What does it sound like, Kaz? I’m fighting a giant, unmanned weapon. I could really use some support right now.”

“Hold on Snake,” Kaz began as he stood up, “I’ll get a helicopter on route to your location.”  

“Yeah, well hurry up,” Snake grumbled, his sentence accented by another explosion. 

Kaz ran to the nearest soldier he could find, and gave him rushed orders to send a helicopter with supplies to Snake’s last known coordinates. Miller returned to his office in time to see the helicopter lift off from Mother Base. Their new support team was really getting good at their response times.

“They’re on the way, Snake,” Kaz affirmed into his microphone.

He was met with the sound of gunfire. Kaz sat back down, his headache forgotten and hands twitching with nervous energy. He always got like this whenever Snake was in immediate danger, but all he could do was wait for him to give him the all clear, and Kaz hated to wait.

It wasn’t until about an hour later that Snake did call Kaz back. 

“I got ‘im Kaz. Thanks for the support.”

“Hey, it’s my job,” Kaz replied, relieved now that he knew Snake was alright. “Now tell me, what did you fight, again?”

“I fought an unmanned weapon prototype. It’s- it’s hard to explain. I’m coming back to Mother Base with the scientist who built it. His name is Dr. Huey Emmerich.”

“Can he be trusted?” Kaz asked quietly.

“Yeah. His contract with the CIA has been terminated.”

“If you say so,” Kaz answered a little doubtfully. “But he’s a scientist you said? He could really help out our R&D team.”

“That’s what I was thinking. We’ll talk more when I get back to Mother Base.”

“OK boss,” Miller took a sip from his coffee and grimaced. It had gone cold now. “Just glad you’re safe.”

Snake chuckled. “It’s nice to know you really care, Kaz.”

“Hey, if you die, then I don’t get a paycheck,” Kaz joked, leaning back in his chair.

“Well then,” Snake replied good-naturedly, “Here I thought we had something special. Snake out.” 

Only after the radio went quiet did Kaz think that maybe they did have something special. Maybe this bond they seemed to share was more than just friendship. There was never anyone that he had cared for as much as Snake. And Kaz was tired of denying it.

** November 13, 1974 **

It wasn’t until midnight that Kaz finally got time to train. It wasn’t often that he got to work with the men anymore; the stresses of running MSF took all of his time now. As a result, Kaz had to dedicate time to training only when the rest of the base was asleep, the only time he didn’t have a thousand things lined up for his attention. 

His workout started in the newly built gym. Eventually, it took him to the shooting range, where he tried to spend a good part of his days drilling. He never really had much of a chance to actually fight in the field like Snake, but he still liked to pride himself on being one of the best shots on the base. He also had to keep his skills honed so he could teach the new recruits. And who knew, maybe one day he’d have a chance to get out of the base and do real work for once.

Kaz was pleased at his initial high score on the course. He had hit all of the targets in the particular exercise he had chosen. He was disappointed to learn that he didn’t have the highest score though. Snake had cleared the same course he had, with a perfect record, and with a quicker time. Determined, Kaz reset the course; he could beat Snake’s score.

As it turned out, he couldn’t actually beat Snake’s score. He ran through the course three times, but he always made mistakes. When he hit every target, his time was consistently slower than his commander’s. However, when he managed to match time with Snake, he missed targets. Frustrated, Kaz was considering leaving when a voice called out from behind him. 

“Hey, gotta light?”

Kaz turned around to see Snake approaching. He had only gotten back to Mother Base a couple of hours ago. Snake was wearing a T-shirt and fatigues, a nice change from his usual shirtless appearance, and was holding a cigar towards Kaz hopefully.

“What happened to your lighter?” Kaz asked as Snake approached him. Kaz couldn’t help but notice how Snake’s black shirt hugged his body in all the right ways. Not like he cared or anything. 

“I lost it. I think I dropped it in the swamp.” Snake wiggled his cigar in front of Kaz’s face. “Do you have one or not?”

Kaz pushed the cigar away from him. “Of course not. I hate smoking.”

Snake growled and put the cigar away. He glanced at Kaz’s hand-recorded times. 

“Pretty good,” he said, gesturing towards them, “You’re better than any of the other recruits we have.”

“They’re not as good as yours,” Kaz replied. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Can you teach me, Snake?”

Snake tilted his head. “Teach you what? Kaz, you’re good, there’s nothing else for me to show you.”

Kaz knew that what Snake said was technically true. But honestly, he just wanted a reason for Snake to stay with him longer. He didn’t want Snake to leave him, and honestly, that scared him a little. But at the same time, he was a little excited at the prospect of being close to his commanding officer. Maybe he’d finally get a chance to flirt with him; at this point, he had accepted his feelings. Now he just needed an excuse to be with him.

“Maybe not teach me then, just give me some pointers,” Kaz answered. “Come on Boss, it’ll be fun.”

Snake shrugged. “Fine. Run it again like normal.”

Kaz readied his weapon and went through the course again. He went for a slightly slower time but a higher accuracy. He was initially afraid of messing up in front of Snake, but he did a good run. Not his best, but a good run. Kaz turned back to Snake after he had fired the final shot.

“How’d I do?” Kaz asked. It felt weird; usually he taught recruits how to shoot, never the other way around. 

“You were perfect, Kaz.”

“Stop it, you’ll make me blush,” Kaz laughed and playfully punched Snake in the arm.

“No, I’m serious,” Snake said, getting closer to Kaz, “Your stance and aim is perfect. Too perfect. You think before you fire your gun.”

Kaz frowned. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? You can’t just shoot however you want and expect to hit something.”

“That’s true,” Snake admonished, “But on the battlefield, you don’t have time to think about how your feet are placed, or whether or not your arm is lifted at a 90 degree angle. Everything you do, every decision you make, has to be instinctual.”

Snake approached Kaz and took the gun from him. He then mirrored Kaz’s stance and aimed the gun. 

“Right now I could hit every target in the course, but I wouldn’t do it quickly. Not to mention if I were to have to start retreating from this position I wouldn’t be able to fire, because I wouldn’t know how to compensate for my movement speed and keep form.”

Kaz crossed his arms. “So what’s the right way then? How am I supposed to do it?”

“You are doing it right,” Snake said, handing the gun to Kaz, “But the movements you make are too calculated. They take too long. Try to do it without thinking.”

Kaz raised the gun again like normal, trying to not to measure his feet and arms. He looked back to see Snake shaking his head.

“You’re still thinking too much.”

“Well how am I supposed to do it?” Kaz snapped back at him, angrily. He rubbed at his eyes, surprised at how tired he was suddenly. Maybe a midnight training session wasn’t the best idea after all.

Snake didn’t say anything, just approached Kaz from behind. 

“Just do it like this,” he said quietly as he reached around Kaz’s body, placing his hands over Kaz’s. Kaz’s breathing picked up speed while Snake wrapped his body around him and pushed his legs apart with his own. Snake then lifted Kaz’s hands to hold the gun up. The younger man could feel the warmth radiating off of him, could feel the prickly sensation of his beard when he leaned his face towards his ear.

“What are you thinking of right now, Kaz?” Snake whispered.

Kaz sputtered, dumbfounded. He had not expected this out of tonight. His body fit into Snake’s perfectly, and his hands became sweaty underneath the older man’s. 

_ I’m thinking a lot of things I shouldn’t be, _ Kaz thought to himself. Instead, he breathlessly answered. “N-nothing, Boss.”

Kaz could feel Snake smiling against the side of his face. Snake’s lips were just inches away from his own.

“Then you’re doing it right.”

Snake suddenly let Kaz’s hands go and pulled away. Kaz sighed at the loss and lowered his gun, surprised to find his hands shaking. He turned around, intent on getting close to Snake again, only to see the man walking quickly towards the door of the shooting range.

“Hey Snake,” Kaz called out, a little shaky still. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Snake looked back but didn’t stop moving. “My work here is done. I need to rest before I head out again tomorrow.”

With that, Snake left the shooting range, the door closing behind him echoing with a kind of cold finality. Kaz took a couple of breaths to ground himself. 

“What the hell just happened?” he whispered to the empty room. Did Snake really just do that? It seemed unlikely to Kaz for Snake to make any romantic moves towards anyone, ever. Yet there was no way it seemed for him to write the encounter as anything but. Kaz reset the course and returned the gun, cleaned and dismantled, to the armory. He was done training for that night; in fact, after that scene, Kaz’s brain was just done working at all that night. Kaz left the shooting range and walked towards the barracks, his legs still unsteady and his hands tingling from Snake’s touch.  

The next morning, after Snake left for Costa Rica, Kaz ran drills with some of the newer recruits. After Kaz ran them ragged on the new training grounds, they spent some time in the shooting range. At some point, the drill sergeant Kaz was working with asked for him to give a demonstration. Kaz accepted and approached the barrier. All of the recruits crowded around him, eager to see the “Master” at work. Before he started, Kaz took a deep breath, cleared his mind, and remembered the way Snake had held him the night before. He remembered that moment all while he was firing.  When Kaz finished the course, he saw that it was his best run. It was even better than Snake’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are beginning heat up! Well, they're getting warmer... This relationship will become passionate and fiery at some point I promise! I hope you enjoyed it! Tell me what you think in the comments, I always read them, I swear, I just don't have time to respond to them.
> 
> Anyway, as I said I'm going to start linking songs that reflect the nature of the chapter. And by that I'm going to link songs to the musical _Rent_ because it is my favorite Musical, and sometimes I feel like it's about Big Boss and Kaz. Well, it would be, if at the end of _Rent_ Mimi dies and Roger was killed by nanomachines implanted into Mark by a crazy doctor named Naomi. So yeah, the song I choose was "Light My Candle," because the playful nature of Roger and Mimi's encounter matches the nature of this chapter, well, at least the second half of the chapter. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOybHg4TXKk
> 
> So the morale of this story is Rent is awesome and every one should watch it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness! Again! I'm just done with update deadlines. When I finish a chapter from now on, I'll upload. That may mean you get one chapter in two weeks. Maybe you'll get two chapters in one week. I don't know. All I know is this train ain't stopping, we just might get to the station late.

** November 14, 1974 **

Snake crawled along the ground of La Ruinas de Xochiquetzal, his eyes scanning the terrain for enemy forces. The ruins were in disarray, the jungle had overtaken most of them, leaving them to crumble and break on their own.. The remaining rubble left many places for him to hide, but they also created several blind spots. As a result, Snake did his best to move extremely slowly and carefully. The battle with the Hind-D at Catarata de le Muerte had taken more energy than he liked to admit, and he feared the results of having to face an enemy encounter in his condition.

Of course, if he hadn’t spent so much time with Kaz at Mother Base and rested like he had planned to, he might not have found the helicopter battle so taxing. But still, he wouldn’t have wished for anything different. When Snake went into the shooting range, he hadn’t planned for things to escalate. He had come in under the pretense of a lost lighter so he could have an excuse to be around Kaz, but when he had gotten close to him, something inside him clicked. While Snake had watched Kaz practice, all he could think about was being able to hold him, to be close to him. So when presented with the chance, he had taken it. For the few brief moments they had been together, it was exhilarating. The sensation of touching Kaz, of feeling his heat and being close enough to smell his aftershave was something Snake could never forget. And it was something he would have to try to repeat.  

First, Snake had to infiltrate Strangelove’s lab. He was very close to the main building when he was stopped by a peculiar sight. Ahead of him, beneath a tree was a woman in her underwear. Snake stopped, taken a little off-guard. He worked his way back into a standing position and began to approach cautiously. 

“Hey,” He called out. The woman looked up in shock.

“Ah, tu m’as trouvee! C’est moi le loup!”

Snake continued to approach cautiously. She was speaking French, so he kneeled down and responded in kind.

“Fini de jouer a cache-cache. Dis-moi qui tu es.”

The woman pulled back from Snake and curled up against the tree. 

“Please, do not kill me,” She said, voice raised in fear.

“You’re no soldier,” Snake pulled away from her a little, giving her space.

“I am a tourist,” she explained, still fearful.

“What’s your name? What are you doing here?”

The woman, a little breathless answered. “Cécile, Cécile Cosima Caminades.”

She looked him over more closely, looking at his sneaking suit and gear. “You’re not one of the soldiers?”

“No,” Snake lowered his gun. Cécile visibly relaxed. “I’m an… ornithologist.” 

A hard story to keep up with, Snake did his best to keep his cover with Cécile. Especially since she was an actual ornithologist.

“If only I had not recorded that stupid voice,” Cécile said bitterly. 

“Voice…” Snake thought back to Nicaragua and the tape Galvez had brought with him. “You’re the one who made the tape?”

Cécile didn’t respond and continued her story. “I was captured by that woman. But she was kind. She gave me food and even bathed me herself, every day.

“She said I could go home in a month… ‘So whatever you do, don’t take off the blindfold. Do so, and you will never leave here.’” 

“Guess you didn’t listen,” Snake said with a small smile. “How’d you escape?”

“I waited for an opening, stole an ID card. They almost caught me, but I managed to elude them.”

“So, you must have gotten a look at the facility when you escaped, right? What’s in there?”

Cécile closed her eyes in thought. She spoke slowly.

“… A lot of machinery. A big computer, like you would see in a university.”

“What about the room where you heard the voice?” Snake unconsciously leaned in towards Cécile. “Anybody in there?”

“I don’t know. There was a tube… A large tube in the back. When I approached it I heard a voice.”

“What did it say?” Snake asked quietly.

Cécile opened her eyes and looked at Snake. “Jack.”

Snake wasn’t sure what he had expected Cécile to say. Honestly, he had wanted her to say something normal, something that disproved the existence of the Boss in Costa Rica. But instead… Jack… His name. He could almost hear her voice in his head, telling him to go home.

“Jack,” he repeated, a little shaken.

“Yes,” Cécile continued, unaware of Snake’s rising anxiety, “It simply said Jack, over and over again.”

“Jack,” Snake leaned back a little, light headed and exhausted.

“Listen, you’ve got to get me out of here,” Cécile pleaded. Her voice snapped Snake out his temporary panic. He took a few deep breaths. He still had a mission to complete. 

Snake stood up. “Wait here. I’ve got some business to take care of.”

“What? You’re not thinking of going in there, are you? You can’t leave me here!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have some friends pick you up,” Snake said quickly to quiet her. He turned away and clicked his radio on. After a brief moment, he was answered.

“This is Miller,” Kaz’s voice crackled to life through Snake’s speakers. He found himself immediately grounded, the Boss banished from his mind with the sound of his voice.

“I have one for recovery,” Snake said, making eye contact with Cécile, “A civilian.”

“Snake, we don’t have room for any more civilians here,” Kaz responded, almost crossly. Snake could hardly blame him; the more people Snake brought home really just meant more work for his second in command.

“Not even for a blonde Parisienne?” Snake asked innocently, a small smile on his face.

“A what?!” Kaz exclaimed. After a pause, his voice became quiet again. “So she’s uh… Pretty foxy?” 

“See for yourself,” Snake chuckled. “And if what she’s saying is true, then I think we’ve found Paz’s missing friend.”

Sufficiently convinced, Kaz agreed to allow Cécile onto Mother Base. Snake attached a recovery balloon to her and continued north towards the ruins. He was still overly careful, although security couldn’t be too tight if an unarmed woman got through them. When he finally got to the entrance of the base, he discovered that Huey’s ID card didn’t actually work, which lead to another trek through the jungle to find a new one. Thankfully, Cécile led Snake to a guard that had one, allowing him to finally enter the lab.

Immediately past the door, the ruins opened into a wide field surrounded by stone structures on all sides. At the opposite end of the field, a large, stone pyramid stood tall. Its entrance had been refitted with a mechanized door. Snake took a few cautious steps forward, his gun held out and his hand steady. From one of the structures, he heard a surprised whinny and the clopping of hooves; Snake turned quickly to face the sound, and saw in the shadows a white Andalusian. The horse neighed again, looking at him with an unmistakable look of familiarity. Snake recognized it then; it had been the Boss’s horse, the same one she had ridden 10 years ago. Snake quickly stepped back as the horse moved forward.

“The Boss…” Snake sputtered uselessly to himself. “It can’t be!”

“And who might you be?”

Snake once again circled around, this time pointing his gun at a new voice. The speaker was a woman. She had short, light hair and wore sunglasses. She was standing cooly in the shadows of the pyramid.

“You...” Snake grunted, lowering his gun once more. “Doctor Strangelove, I presume.”

She smirked, her eyes hidden behind her dark glasses. “I’ve been waiting, Snake.”

Strangelove looked away briefly to fiddle with a container of snuff. “Yes, waiting without joy or pleasure…” She paused long enough to inhale the finely ground tobacco. “Waiting for the one I despise.” She took a step forward, and Snake readied his gun again, the muzzle aimed squarely at her head.

“Don’t move!”

“‘Don’t move?’” Strangelove laughed, looking down her nose at Snake, “You men and your guns; you all say the same thing.”

Snake frowned, and Strangelove only shrugged. “I suppose you’re here to destroy my research. Yes, I know. Just like I know what you did ten years ago.”

Snake felt his finger subconsciously tighten on the trigger at the thought. Strangelove noticed.

“Go on,” she hissed, “Kill me like you killed her. Kill me like you killed the Boss.”

Snake began to feel lightheaded again. His entire body was covered in a cold sweat.

“What exactly do you want?”

“Oh come on Snake. Or should I say Big Boss, that title they gave you for murder. You chose a deceitful country over the mentor who made you what you are. You used the pretext of a mission to kill a true hero,” Strangelove’s cool demeanor was quickly fading, her voice rising as she continued. “Is that what you call loyalty? Answer me!”

“The Boss…” Snake took a few very deep breaths before responding. “She betrayed America. She stole a Davy Crockett nuke and defected to the other side. She used an American nuclear weapon to attack Soviet territory. The only way for Washington to prove its innocence was to eliminate her themselves. The boss’s death was the only thing that could have prevented all-out nuclear war.”

“Is that what you call ‘the truth?’”  Strangelove snapped.

“It’s the truth they told to me,” Snake replied, his voice controlled and even.

“So the truth is you sullied the reputation of your mentor, the person you loved the most in this world, before you buried her?”

“It was my mission.”

Strangelove laughed bitterly. “So that’s the conclusion you came to in order to live with yourself.”

“What’s the Boss to you anyway,” Snake growled, angry at the tone Strangelove used. How could this woman judge him so easily, when she had no idea what he had gone through?

Strangelove stood a little taller, and looked Snake straight in the eye. 

“I’m the one she left behind. And I won’t rest until I get answers from the woman I loved. You and I are the same. We are the walking dead.”

Strangelove smiled again, and when she spoke, her voice dripped with malicious intent. 

“Would you like to meet her?”

“The Boss is gone.”

“Not so fast,” Strangelove said. “You’d like to meet her, wouldn’t you? I can arrange it. You took her life. I gave it back.”

Snake eyed the Doctor strangely. “You what?”

Strangelove walked to a console by the door to the pyramid. 

“Follow me.”

Inside the facility was a long series of corridors and laboratories. Strangelove took him to the largest. Like Cécile had said, there was a large cylinder in the back. It had red glowing lights on it, the only part of it that signified life. The laboratory echoed with the sound of music, an old song from the 70s. Snake barely heard what Strangelove said regarding the machine. While he gazed at the pod, a large red light on its center lit up, and it spoke.

“Is someone there?”

Snake grunted in surprise. It spoke with the Boss’s voice. It would have been the exact same if not for the slight computerized tone to its words.

“We have a visitor,” Strangelove spoke loudly to the machine. “I’ll introduce him.” Strangelove turned to Snake and spoke quietly. “Don’t try anything foolish.”

“Who are you?” the Boss’s voice was projected out once more. Snake put away his gun and began to slowly approach. The closer he got, the faster his heart pounded in his chest. It spoke again, and he found that he had trouble breathing.

“A man,” she deduced. “A war-fighter.”

When Snake reached the pod, it opened its protective casing. Stacked together were all of the wires and motherboards that made the Boss speak, that made her live again.

“Is that really you?” Snake spoke softly. 

Strangelove’s voice spoke out from behind Snake. “For my participation in this project, I asked the CIA for access to all the information they had regarding the Boss.”

Snake listened to Strangelove explain to him about the Mammal Pod, her AI. No, it wasn’t really the Boss; it was the next best thing. It was a computer with the Boss’s mind, her will. It could make rational decisions, all based on the Boss’s personality. Snake repeated to himself: It wasn’t really the Boss.

“What’s your real goal here?” Snake asked, looking away from the AI to make eye contact with Strangelove.

“To clear her name. Why was a hero forced to betray her country? Why was she targeted for assassination by her most beloved disciple? I want the truth, the Boss’s last will. You must be dying to know yourself.”

Snake closed his eyes against the well of emotions that had been brought up. Of course he wanted to know the truth. He had what EVA had told him, but Strangelove offered more than just how Operation Snake Eater came to be, but why it had happened the way it did, why the Boss had allowed herself to die. To die at his hands… 

“No,” Snake quickly closed down his thoughts, focused on the mission. “She abandoned her country, abandoned us all.”

“Really? You think you understand her feelings?” Strangelove mocked.

“You’re trying to recreate the Boss’s last will, is that it?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself, Jack?”

Upon hearing Snake’s name, the AI lit up again. 

“Jack,” its robotic voice sounded hopeful. “Jack?”

“Boss…” Snake looked up into the workings of the AI. The boards were all shining red, the machine showing much more activity than before.

“Jack!” It seemed to call him. As if in a daze, Snake followed the voice of his mentor inside the pod.

“Go home!” Now it sounded angry. “I’m not your boss anymore.”

“Boss?” Snake wasn’t thinking anymore, caught up in his memories of that day, of that mission. He came closer to the AI, his hand outstretched as if hoping to feel her.

“GO HOME!”

“No, I…” Snake stuttered, hot tears burning behind his eyes.

Strangelove spoke confidently behind him. “Complete your mission, Snake. Extinguish that noble soul, if you can.” 

Snake couldn’t hear Strangelove. All he could hear was the Boss. It was hard to tell what was really coming from the AI and what was just in his mind. He closed his eye and cursed under his breath. He wished the voices would just stop. He wished that the Boss would just die.

Shaking, Snake began to frantically pull the motherboards out, pulling on wires and doing his best to turn it off. His mission was to destroy Peace Walker, and what better way than to destroy its AI? If that meant going through this Hell again, then so be it. The mission always came first.

He heard Strangelove shouting behind him, but he wasn’t listening. Now, he wasn’t even in that room anymore. He was in a field of white flowers, hearing that speech he still heard at night, in his dreams. The Boss was abandoning him.

“You can’t come with us, Jack,” she said. 

Snake curled up and closed his eyes. He couldn’t think about the Boss, not now. Ten years and he still wasn’t over it. He just pushed all his negative emotions to the back of his mind, but this mission, Strangelove… Everything was coming back too quickly. 

Snake opened his eyes and found that he wasn’t with the Boss anymore. He was back outside the ruins with no idea of how he got there. He slowly got up, his movements sluggish, the exhaustion of the past few days kicking in with full force. He looked up to see the AI Pod being taking away by a transport helicopter. Apparently, Strangelove didn’t trust it near him anymore. After it disappeared, Snake saw another flying object replace it. It was the second unmanned weapon Huey had told him about earlier, the Chrysalis. Snake quickly tuned on his radio, calling Kaz.

“Snake, what’s happening?” Kaz’s voice sounded worried. It had been a while since he called.

“Kaz, I need a support drop now!” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The train is chugging. Oh and be careful my darlings, there's some strong language in this chapter.

** November 14, 1974 **

            “Snake, what’s you’re status? Respond!” As Kaz listened to the radio silence, fear began to coil in his gut. It had been fifteen minutes since Morpho confirmed his supply drop. After that, he had gotten no new updates from Snake. He wasn’t even responding to Kaz’s calls anymore.

            “Snake?” Kaz could hear the panic rising in his voice. When there was still no answer, he slammed his hand against his desk, his desperation rolling over into one giant outburst. “RESPOND DAMMIT!”

            Kaz ran his hands through his hair, mussing it beyond repair, and took a couple of deep breaths to calm down. If Snake was in trouble, he needed to be completely collected to help him. When he was sufficiently detached from the situation, Kaz called Morpho’s frequency.

            “Morpho, this is Command. Do you copy?”

            “This is Morpho, I copy you, Command.”

            Kaz breathed a sigh of relief. At least now he was in contact with someone in the field.

            “Morpho, do you have eyes on Snake?”

            “Negative, Commander,” Morpho’s response drew a curse out of Kaz. “The AI weapon is still active, it’s currently impossible for me to get close.”

            “Well you’ll have to try a little bit harder, Morpho,” Kaz growled. “Snake isn’t responding; I need you to find him right now.”

            “Copy that Command.”

            While waiting on Morpho, Kaz continued to call Snake. He briefly considered sending Combat Team Alpha to the hot zone, but ultimately decided to give Snake ten more minutes. If he got no response, he’d dispatch Alligator and his men. He’d probably have to send Whale and a medical team too, as much as he dreaded the thought. Time passed, but there was still no answer from Snake. Kaz was about to send for Alligator when Morpho came back on the radio.

            “Command, this is Morpho. I have visual on target, repeat; I have eyes on the Boss.”

            Miller excitedly grabbed the microphone. “Give me a status report, Morpho. How is he?”

            “The AI weapon is down.”

Miller relaxed in his chair.

“But the Boss, he… he appears to be wounded.”

            Kaz felt his world tilt at the news. In the year he had worked with Snake, the man had never gotten injured. His mind began to create violent images of Snake, bleeding and cold, his eye sightless… Kaz was pulled from his dark thoughts when he was alerted of an incoming call from another line. Kaz breathed deeply and calmed down before responding.

            “Morpho, wait for further instructions,” Kaz said as he flipped frequencies. There was light static and heavy breathing on the line for a moment. 

            “Kaz?” 

            “Snake!” Kaz exclaimed. The voice was definitely Snake’s, but it sounded weak and faded. “Snake, are you alright?”

            “Kaz, I need immediate Evac. I was shot… My leg…”

            “Snake, hold on, okay?” Kaz switched frequencies back to Morpho. 

            “Morpho, get Snake out of there. Bring him back to Mother Base ASAP.”

            “Copy that, Command. I’m bringing her down now.”           

            Kaz switched back to Snake.

            “Snake, Morpho is going to pick you up. Do you see him?”

            There was silence on the other end of the line, followed by sounds of rustling fabric and gear.

            “Yeah, I see him.”

            “I’m going to get a medical team to meet you when you get to Mother Base, okay Snake?” 

            Snake didn’t respond, but Kaz hadn’t really expected him to. He was probably boarding the helicopter and couldn’t really talk anyway. 

            After confirming that Snake was safe with Morpho, Kaz radioed Whale on the medical platform, informing him that Snake would be arriving soon and would need immediate medical attention. He then left his office and ran to the helicopter pad on the command platform. He cursed himself for not finishing the one on the medical platform; it would be much quicker for Snake to get help that way, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now. He began to pace, waiting for Snake’s arrival. 

            Kaz wished now that he had asked about the extent of Snake’s injuries, as his mind was currently taking in the unknown and feeding him horrific possibilities. He tried to convince himself that Snake was fine; after all, he had defeated the weapon before calling for extraction. However, it was a pointless endeavor. Fear tended to make level-headed men irrational, and Kaz had never been too clear-headed to begin with, at least, not when it came to Snake.

            The arrival of Whale and a team of nurses pushing a stretcher didn’t make Kaz feel any better. If anything, the thought that Snake might need that much medical attention frightened him even more.

            “Do you know what kind of injuries he has?” Whale asked as he made his over to Kaz. 

Kaz shook his head. “He said he’d been shot in his leg. Don’t know where, or which one. He really wasn’t very talkative.”

            Whale nodded. “Any idea why he called for medical attention? Normally he takes care of his own first-aid in the field, doesn’t he?”

            “He does,” Kaz confirmed. “That’s why I’m so worried. This isn’t like him. But, he did seem kinda… I don’t know… out of it when I spoke to him.”

            “Blood loss or concussion, most likely,” Whale said thoughtfully.

            “You’re not making me feel any better, you know.”

            Before the medic could respond, the two were interrupted by the sound of a helicopter approaching. Whale began barking orders to the nurses as Morpho came down, and Kaz did his best to stay generally out of their way. Whale had the cabin door opened the second the landing aids touched down, and Kaz was quick to notice that when the medic pulled Snake out of the helicopter, he was unresponsive.

            “Hey, what’s wrong with him?” Kaz began to move restlessly, trying to see better through the wall of nurses. Morpho joined him at the side lines.

            “He passed out after he got in the helicopter,” the pilot explained as he took off his helmet and unhooked his com wires. “I had to help him in the cabin, too. He was having problems walking.”

            “Hey, be careful,” Whale was talking quickly to the nurses as they strapped Snake into the stretcher. “We don’t know the extent of his head trauma. Try not to shake him so much!”

            “Head trauma?” Kaz pushed his way between two nurses to try and see better. Snake was lying unmoving on the stretcher, though thankfully, he was visibly breathing. His left pant leg was stained with a large amount of blood above his knee, and his hair and bandana were also coated with blood, some of which had spilled into his eyes and down his face. Unconsciously, Kaz reached for Snake’s hand, holding it in his own. “How bad is it? Will he be alright?”

            “Bring him to med-bay. Room 103.” Whale ordered, ignoring him. The nurses began to wheel Snake away, forcing Kaz to let go. Whale waited a little farther behind his team and grabbed Kaz’s arm when he began to follow them. “Look, I know you’re worried, Commander, but… you really need to stay out of our way. It’s not helping.”

            Kaz thought about arguing with Whale and going with them anyway, but that was childish and wouldn’t help Snake. Not to mention, now that Whale was forcibly pushing him back, Kaz realized just how much bigger the medic was compared to himself. He was basically Snake’s size, although probably not as skilled in combat; either way, Kaz figured it wouldn’t be smart to start a fight.

            “Fine,” Kaz let his anger show in his voice as he pulled his arm away from Whale. The medic gave him one last look before running after the nurses who had already left. Kaz sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It was still sticking up from when he had messed with it earlier. He must have looked a wreck to anyone who saw him, which, he realized, was half of the base. Since the helicopter had landed, a crowd had gathered close to the landing platform. The makeup of the crowd was varied across the support teams, and Kaz knew the only person he told about Snake’s arrival was Whale. This meant one of the nurses had to tell someone else on the medical platform. How the news had reached the R&D team on the other side of the base was anyone’s guess.

            “HEY!” Kaz yelled to be heard across the crowd. His tone of voice commanded obedience from all the soldiers. “Get back to work! There’s nothing to see here.”

            Kaz watched the men begin to diffuse back to their respective platforms. Some of them whispered together as they walked, and a couple gave Miller nervous looks before leaving. He knew that seeing their Boss carted off to med-bay wouldn’t be good for their morale, which was why he had attempted to keep it quiet, but it was seemingly impossible to keep a secret on Mother Base.

            Morpho was the last to leave. 

            “Everything will work out, Master,” he said as he patted Kaz on the shoulder.

            Kaz scowled at the pilot until Morpho had to look away.

            “Master Miller.”

Kaz groaned as someone shook him awake.

“Master Miller, are you awake?”

“Hmm…” He opened his eyes to see Whale looking down at him, his hospital scrubs splattered with blood. Kaz yawned and stretched in the waiting room chair he had apparently fallen asleep in. He only remembered waiting in the medical bay for a little bit before nodding off.

“Is it Snake? Is he alright?” Kaz looked up at Whale hopefully.

            “He’s fine. He’s even awake now if you want to talk to him.”

            Kaz shot up from his chair and headed towards the door to Snake’s room. “So what happened?”

            Whale shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly. His injuries, they were pretty small.”

            Kaz stopped outside the door and shot a confused look at Whale. “What were his injuries?”

            “A scratch on his left thigh, the bullet really just grazed him. He had dislocated his right shoulder, easily fixed though. He also has a mild concussion. And I mean mild; he’s showing almost no signs of any head trauma at all.”

            “Then why did he pass out?”

            “Maybe he’ll tell you,” Whale gestured vaguely at Kaz. “He wouldn’t talk to me. Seemed embarrassed, almost.”

            The medic turned to leave, “Oh, and be careful, Commander. He wasn’t in a good mood when I left him. In fact, he was being downright nasty.”

            “And where are you going, Whale?” Kaz asked, watching as older man walked away.

            “I got a hot date tonight with Swan, that new nurse. She doesn’t yell at me like some people we know,” Whale turned around and glared at Snake’s door.

              “But isn’t Swan, like, twenty years younger than you?”

            Whale laughed and slicked his dark hair back. “What can I say? The ladies love me.”

            Kaz watched as Whale left the medical bay, a skip in his step. He shook his head and turned back to the door. If Whale was right, then Snake wasn’t badly injured, but Kaz still wanted to know everything that had happened. He opened the door and found his commander trying his best to undo the sling wrapped around his right arm. The medical staff had taken off his gear and put him in a hospital gown. The only visible signs that he was injured now were the bandages wrapped around his head. All of the blood had been cleaned away, and for that Kaz was grateful. He hated looking at blood.

            “You know, you really shouldn’t yell at Whale. He might have to perform surgery on you one day,” Kaz said jokingly as he sat next to the bed. Snake only growled and sunk into his pillows, apparently haven given up on removing his sling. 

            “He kept asking me stupid questions.”

            “Stupid questions like what the hell happened to you?” Kaz responded. “You had me worried sick, Snake.”

            “You shouldn’t be,” Snake muttered. “I wasn’t even hurt that bad.”

            “Well, come on. Walk me through it,” Kaz leaned back in his chair. “How’d this happen?”

            “I wasn’t paying attention and,” Snake stuttered, nervously running his hands through his hair. “I let a capture drone sneak up on me. See,” Snake leaned forward, pulling the edge of the hospital blanket back to show his left leg. Huge, purple bruises ran down his calf in the shape of a claw. “It managed to grab my leg and pull me into the air. I got free, though.”

            “The fall dislocated your arm?” Miller asked. Snake nodded.

            “And I cut my head on a sharp rock,” Snake finished, gently prodding at his forehead with his left hand. 

            “But aren’t capture drones loud and easy to spot? How did one sneak up on you?” 

            Snake rubbed his eye. “I was kinda distracted with the advanced weapon I was fighting. Look, Kaz…”

            “Snake, for God’s sake, tell me the truth,” Kaz said shortly. “You gave me a lecture on how to not overthink during a battle the other night, how could you, of all people, get distracted?”

            “I was tired, alright?” Snake snapped. “Because of that little lecture, I didn’t get any sleep that night. And you know I don’t have time to sleep on the field.”

            “Jesus, you mean you haven’t slept at all for the last two days?”

            “No, I haven’t Kaz. I’ve been doing actual field work. And what exactly have you been doing?” he challenged. “Flirting with pretty blonde ‘foxes?’”

            “What are you implying?” Kaz said darkly. “I’ll have you know this goddamn place would fall apart without me. I do more work than anyone else here.”

            “I’m saying that you couldn’t control a battlefield one year ago and you sure as Hell can’t control one now, _soldier,_ ” Snake’s voice began to rise as he continued speaking, “So I’d appreciate it if you’d get off of your fucking high horse and leave me alone!”

            “Fine!” Kaz threw his hands in the air and stood up. “I’m so sorry that my concern offends you. I was legitimately worried about you, but if you’re going to be a little bitch about, I’ll leave. I did not come here to be insulted!”

            “Yeah!” Snake was yelling now. “Then why did you come here Kaz? Why do you even bother sticking around?”

            “BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU, DAMMIT!” Kaz shouted, his frustration and hurt feelings boiling over. His head was throbbing and he was suddenly overtaken by a deep exhaustion. It was like the dam had finally broken and all of his emotions had an outlet. Everything was finally out there and Kaz inexplicably wished he could somehow take it back. He didn’t feel any better now that Snake knew the truth; he felt worse. 

            The older man didn’t say anything; he just watched Kaz with a confused look in his eye. He seemed like he was about to say something, but right then Kaz just wanted to be alone. So he left. He stormed out of the Medical Bay and onto the open platform, silently fuming.

How dare Snake judge him? He couldn’t even begin to understand the stress Kaz was under, trying to run Mother Base and report back to Zero without being caught. He had barely gotten any sleep in the last two weeks, but it’s not like Snake would care. No, Snake didn’t care about him or his feelings. To him, Kaz was just another soldier, just another pawn to push around. And, Kaz realized, he would always let him do it. He would always let Snake have his way with him. 

Because Kaz loved him.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG did something actually happen? Is Miller and Snake's relationship beginning to *gasp* change. I don't know; I guess you'll have to wait and see. <3 Thanks for reading!
> 
> *EDIT* Song: ["In Your Room"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkfR9SqMXpk)


	6. Chapter 6

** November 19, 1974 **

            “Does it hurt to put pressure on it?”

            Snake confidently took a few steps around the examination room. His left leg did hurt a little still, but there was no way he was going to tell Whale that. He stopped after a couple rotations and turned to the doctor.

            “Doesn’t hurt at all.”

            “And what about your head?” Whale approached Snake and pulled the bandages off his forehead to inspect the wound. There were still staples holding the skin together that wouldn’t be removed for another couple of days. Other than that, the wound looked clean.

**** “It hasn’t started bleeding again. And it hasn’t gotten infected.”

            “Hmm,” Whale replaced the bandages and leaned against the bench. He picked up a clipboard and flipped through it, reading as he went. “Any blackouts, headaches, nausea, or lack of concentration?”

            “I don’t have a concussion, Whale,” Snake growled. The medic nodded and scribbled in his notes. “Now can you please take this sling off?”

            Whale sighed and put the clipboard down. “I would really prefer if you kept it on for at least two weeks. A month would be preferable, but you’re not going to do that, are you?”

            “Look, it doesn’t hurt,” Snake complained as he rolled his shoulder a couple of times. Once again, it did hurt, but not enough to leave the sling on. “And really, I’ve let it heal more than I’ve done in the past. You should be proud I kept it on this long.” 

            “You make my life very difficult,” Whale muttered, but he still took the sling off Snake’s arm. “Well, I guess you’re cleared to return to active duty, Boss.”

            “Thanks, doc,” Snake stretched his arm out and winced a little. “I’ll be training in the Kill House if you need me.”

            “Actually, Boss,” Whale stood up a little straighter, “I was wondering if I could ask you about something.”

            Snake stopped short of the door and turned back. “Alright, but make it quick. I’ve got to get a lot done today.”

            “Maybe you should sit down,” Whale gestured Snake towards the observation bench. Sighing, Snake went back in the room and sat down. The doctor closed the door after checking for any lingering nurses.

            “What’s this about, Whale?”

            “I don’t know how to phrase this,” Whale shifted his weight from foot to foot. He was clearly uncomfortable, although about what, Snake was unsure. “So, um… Boss… Do you have nightmares? Like, recurring nightmares?”

            Snake’s mind instantly jumped to the field of flowers in Russia, ten years ago. He could almost feel the weight of the gun in his hand. 

            _“One must die, and one must live.”_

            Snake closed his eye and rested his head in his hands until the vision passed. He looked up to see Whale looking down at him with a mix of concern and pity. 

            “I do not have nightmares, doctor,” he snarled. 

            “Don’t lie Boss” Whale spoke quietly, “The first day we brought you in, after we had finished operating on you, you began to mutter in your sleep. Eventually you began to call out, and so I woke you up. And then you yelled at me and called me a worthless novelty doctor.”

            Snake grimaced and hid his face in his hands again. 

            “And the next day, the day we kept you in for observation, you began to talk in your sleep. I could tell you what you said, but I have feeling you already know. Now the first time, I told the nurses it was just a result of you coming down from an adrenaline high. Thankfully, no one else was around the second time; I have a feeling you don’t want the whole base to know about them.”

            “Whale,” Snake spoke carefully, “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

            “PTSD is very common among soldiers, Boss. There’s nothing to be ashamed of; I mean, it’s normal after a traumatic event to experience anxiety, and it’s probably worse for you, you know, you have been under a lot of stress lately: nukes in Costa Rica, all these new renovations and projects MSF is taking…” 

            “There’s nothing wrong with me,” Snake repeated, standing up. He didn’t really feel up to having this conversation with anyone yet.

            “Look, Boss, I’m not going to tell you how to handle yourself. I just think maybe you should talk to someone about it. We have a psychologist here. She’s a nice lady.”

            Snake took a deep breath to try to calm down. Whale continued to look at him with concern. 

            “First off, I don’t have PTSD. And I don’t need to talk to anyone about any traumatic events in my life,” Snake hissed, “Now can I leave?”

            Snake turned on his heel and began to walk out towards the door. Before he got there, Whale grabbed his right arm. Snake gasped at the sudden pain in his still healing shoulder. He tried to pull his arm away but was surprised when the iron grip didn’t give way.  He quickly turned to look at the medic. His face was serious.  

            “Boss, usually when I suspect any of the men are having any psychological issues, do you know what I do? I assign them a room in med-bay and give them regular therapy sessions until they learn to cope with it. You’re lucky, I’m letting you go, but consider this a warning,” Whale let go of Snake’s arm, “If I hear anything about you having anxiety attacks on the field, you’d better believe that I’m going to drag you back here.”

            “Watch your tone, doctor,” Snake said with unconcealed anger. “Don’t pretend like you can control me.”

            “A doctor’s order outranks everyone,” Whale said calmly. “So don’t let it get that bad. Talk to someone. If not our doctor here, someone you trust.”

            Snake fumed silently as he looked back at Whale. He wasn’t angry at the man for bringing up his issues, any respectable doctor would. He was truly angry at himself for not hiding them well enough. Now Whale was going to be watching him more closely, and Snake felt that things would get much worse before they got any better, and the last thing he needed was to be taken off of this mission because he had nightmares. 

            The two remained staring at each other for a few more seconds before Snake broke the contact to leave the room. He was still extremely upset by the time he exited the med-bay. The sun was low in the sky; there was still plenty of time in the day to train.

            “Okay, you can bring it down now!”

            Snake’s head shot up at the sound of someone’s voice calling out. As he suspected, the voice belonged to Kaz. The commander was with a team of builders on the edge of the medical platform. His sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows and his shaggy hair blew around his face in the strong wind. He was clearly directing the building project, which appeared to be a new helipad. Snake found himself suddenly overtaken with the desire to run to him. He was no more than fifty yards away, but he still stopped himself. The last time they had talked, Snake had still been agitated from the nightmare Whale had woken him from, and he clearly remembered that a lot of yelling had ensued. He also remembered Kaz storming out after his accidental confession. Snake wanted nothing more than to chase the younger man down and apologize for the whole night, and to say that he too cared about him, much more than he ever wanted to admit, and to ask for a second chance to make things right. 

            But right now, Kaz probably needed space. So with great difficulty, Snake walked away from the medical platform and instead went to the Kill House.

            The Kill House was an elaborate training course that included anything Snake might encounter on the field: blind spots, sharp corners, or uneven terrain. On a set course practice targets flipped out for him to shoot like mock enemies. The order of the targets could be randomized, so the Kill House could offer the same soldier hours of training, and that’s exactly what it gave Snake that day.

            He had started the day completely off balance and sloppy. It had taken him hours of practice and countless runs before he reached a point where he was comfortable with his speed and accuracy. He was still limping, and his stiff arm made aiming difficult, but he managed to power through and finished the course.

            By the time he was dismantling his Mk 22 the sun had already set outside. Snake was loathe to go to his room and sleep; since his visit to Strangelove’s lab, he hadn’t slept a single night without having nightmares about The Boss, but still, there was only so much time he could waste by himself. 

            As he was turning to leave, Snake looked up to see Kaz entering the Kill House. Upon seeing Snake, the commander froze.

            “Oh,” he stuttered, “I didn’t know you were here, Snake. I can leave, if…”

            “You don’t have to leave Kaz,” Snake said quickly. “I was actually looking for someone to spar with me.”

            Of course, Snake had not planned to train anymore that night. But it was a good excuse to talk to Kaz, and he needed to brush up on his skills anyway.

            “Spar with you?” Kaz asked, still a little unsure.

            “Yeah, you know, CQC. I could even show you a couple of pointers, if you’d like.”

            Kaz seemed uncertain of himself as he took a few steps closer to Snake. He finally sighed and nodded his head. “Sure thing, Boss. Whatever you want.”

            “Oh come on Kaz,” Snake laughed as he backed into a wider area of the Kill house. “It’ll be fun.”

            Kaz followed Snake into the open space and loosened his ascot. Snake pulled off his loose t-shirt before getting into stance, and Kaz raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

            “Really Snake?”

            “What?” he replied innocently, flexing his muscles with an easy smile. Kaz laughed, and mirrored Snake’s fighting stance.

            Kaz made the first move and attempted to land a hit with a closed fist. Snake easily dodged the blow and tripped his opponent at the same time. With a curse, Kaz tumbled to ground. 

            “You’ve gotta be less obvious when you attack, Kaz.”

            The younger man growled and jumped back to his feet. This time he got into stance and began to pace around Snake, clearly waiting for the older man to move first. Snake relented, and feigned to the left. Kaz immediately adjusted to block a blow that never came. Instead, Snake gave a sharp kick to Kaz’s right leg. When the blonde stumbled backwards, Snake advanced and grabbed his shoulders, throwing him to the ground. 

            “And you’ve got to be more perceptive of your enemy.”

            Kaz quickly picked himself up again and adjusted his trademark sunglasses that had been shaken by the fall.

            “You might be able to see better if you took those damn things off,” Snake said lightly. Kaz smiled in response and readied himself.

            “Make me,” he said simply. Snake smirked and fell into stance. This time, Kaz moved first, but his blow was much more calculated. The two of them fell into an easy rhythm of trading and blocking blows, neither one of them giving ground. This was something Snake could do; it was something he could easily understand. Kaz also seemed to be enjoying himself quite a bit, even if the match was more difficult for him to keep up with.

            After a couple minutes, Snake felt he had finally achieved the upper hand. However, when he tried to capitalize on it, Kaz turned the tables. Snake lashed out with a solid right hand that Kaz easily dodged. In the moment of slight unbalance after the missed punch, Kaz managed to aim a strong kick on Snake’s injured leg. With a shout, his leg gave out beneath him, and Snake fell to one knee. Kaz instantly jumped on him and pushed his shoulders to the ground.

            “I believe I won that round, huh Snake?” Kaz said as he straddled his commander’s body.

            “You cheated,” Snake grunted, “You only won because I was injured.”

            “Victory at any cost.”

            “But who said you won?”

            Snake easily overpowered Kaz and grabbed the smaller man’s torso. In a seamless motion, Snake flipped their positions, pinning Kaz underneath him.

            “Hey, that’s no fair! I won!” Kaz began to wiggle underneath Snake, attempting to throw the larger man. Snake only laughed and pulled off Kaz’s aviators. 

            “I always win.”

            Kaz frowned and stopped struggling. Snake was taken off guard by the bright blue of the blonde’s eyes. He’d seen them before, but for some reason, tonight they seemed different.

            “Why can’t you let me win once,” Kaz said with a smile, seemingly over the sting of defeat. “You can lie to me once, right?”

            Snake was suddenly struck with the severity of his situation. The blue of Kaz’s eyes seemed to hypnotize him, and he couldn’t look away, and now he knew that he’d never be able to look at someone else and call them beautiful again. Because nobody could be as beautiful as Kaz was in that moment, smiling and sweaty from their fight. 

            “I could never lie to you Kaz,” Snake said quietly. “I care about you too much to lie to you.”

            The smile drifted off his face and was replaced by uncertainty.

            “What are you saying?”

            The whole atmosphere of the room had changed now. Sake took a deep breath and leaned his face closer towards Kaz’s.

            “I’m sorry that I yelled at you before, I didn’t mean any of it,” Snake whispered. “And I really do, you know, care about you too.”

            Kaz continued stare up at Snake, his mouth opened slightly in disbelief. Snake suddenly became afraid that he’d said the wrong thing, that he’d judged the situation incorrectly. But, really, at this point, he had nothing to lose, and he might not get this chance again. So instead of trying to elaborate on what he said, he leaned down more, letting his lips hover over Kaz’s, his intentions clear. When Kaz put up no resistance, he closed the distance and their mouths met in a first, tentative kiss.  

            Snake almost felt overwhelmed by the feeling of Kaz’s soft lips pressing against his. The kiss was nothing overtly special; it was just a chaste meeting of lips. But there was something in the way Kaz relaxed beneath him and wrapped an arm around him. It was more than a kiss; it was a promise of passion and adoration. It was a connection to the man he thought he might love. It was a spark that started a fire.  

             Kaz tightened his grip on Snake’s naked shoulders and deepened the kiss. The older man eagerly opened his mouth when he felt Kaz’s open against his. Their tongues met in a lazy exploration of each other. Of course, Kaz was an amazing kisser, and used expert swipes and flicks of his tongue to make Snake see stars. Snake did his best to hold his own, attempting to make up for anything he lacked in technique with pure passion. He knew he succeeded when Kaz moaned quietly into his mouth. They remained locked together for a few more precious moments before Kaz lowered his arms and pushed lightly against Snake’s chest and pulled out of the kiss. Their faces remained close however, their noses touching as they stopped to breathe.

            “We can’t stay here,” Kaz said shakily.

            “No,” Snake agreed, “Someone will find us.”

            “And I’m supposed to inspect the guards on night duty,” Kaz sighed.

            Snake ran is hands through Kaz’s hair and placed a closed mouth kiss to Kaz’s lips.

            “We can continue this later, then.”

            Snake carefully stood up and helped Kaz off the ground. Kaz retrieved Snake’s discarded shirt, and Snake found Kaz’s glasses. With surprisingly still hands, Snake pushed the glasses on Kaz’s nose.

            “You’ll be gone in the morning to Costa Rice,” Kaz began, “When will we be able to talk again?”

            “Whenever I come back,” Snake responded as he pulled his shirt back on. 

            “Promise me you won’t let anything happen to you this time,” Kaz said quietly as he reached out and gripped Snake’s hand.

            “Nothing bad will happen to me. I promise.”

            Kaz nodded and, with one last squeeze on Snake’s hand, left the Kill House. Snake waited a few minutes after Kaz left before he exited and headed towards the barracks. That night, he had no nightmares, and he woke up with the taste of Kaz still on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! I uploaded in a respectable time frame! And it's all thanks to you lovely readers who inspire to stay up late and actually do something with my time.
> 
> Oh and one quick side note. The term PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) was not actually coined until 1978, 4 years after this takes place, and it wasn't featured in any medical publishing until 1980, 6 years later. So, Whale shouldn't actually use the term because it doesn't exist yet. However, in MGS: PW, your men can be sent to sick bay because of PTSD after retiring from missions, and I'm pretty sure Kaz mentions it when explaining what the medical team does. So, coninically, for whatever reason, MSF knows about it before anyone else does, and I figured there would be no harm in me using the term for the purposes of this fanfic.
> 
> And I know its been a while, but has anyone watched _Rent_ yet. No? [Becasue I have another song for you! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=majeyBAFLGI)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we got some not-to graphic torture. In fact, it's pretty mild. But I'm warning ya anyway.

** November 21, 1974 **

            “How’s the horse doing?” Kaz asked as he sipped coffee and contemplated the view of the sea from the chair in his office.

            “Not too bad. You’d never know he was over 20 years old.”

            “He was _hers_ , after all,” Kaz responded warmly.

            Snake had insisted on riding the Boss’s horse in the field. He’d gone as far as to order Morpho to bring the horse back to Mother Base so the two could be deployed together. Kaz figured it was because the horse reminded Snake of her. In the end though, the reasons didn’t matter, Snake was making much better time with it. 

            _Maybe MSF should get some horses to deploy with the men._

__ “Seems like some part of her became a part of him.”

            Snake fell into silence again as he continued to the mine base. Most of their radio conversations since _that_ night had gone by like this, in a strange sort of companionable silence. It seemed as if they were both unwilling to address the new layer to their relationship, especially miles apart over a radio signal someone might be monitoring, and they were both equally unwilling to talk about anything that wasn’t as important as each other. It left them at a stalemate of sorts. 

            In the quiet, Kaz found himself questioning the motives behind Snake’s actions the day before. It’s not like he was complaining; he had responded more vigorously to the kiss than Snake. He just wished he knew why he had made that move. Did he love him? Or was it just attraction, a craving for physical closeness born of the desperation created by days alone in enemy territory? Personally, Kaz didn’t really care; he’d do anything Snake wanted of him and more, which scared him a little, but not enough for him to end their romance before it even got a chance to start properly. In the end, however, neither of them could do anything about it while they were apart.

            In the time it took Snake to reach the mine base, Kaz had accepted two new contracts, ordered more equipment for the mess hall, and managed to finish writing the chorus for his song on the same scratch paper he had been scribbling on a week ago. He put his paper down when his radio beeped again, signaling a call from Snake. 

            “Kaz I need a support drop now,” Snake said in greeting.

            “Is it another AI weapon?” Kaz asked, worry coloring his words.

            “Umm,” Snake hesitated. In his pause, the two were joined by another member of MSF’s inner circle, reminding Kaz that this radio was not a closed line; anyone could join the conversation.

            “That’s the cocoon. It’s the last AI weapon that hasn’t been destroyed yet,” Huey, the scientist, said through his radio. “It’s probably the toughest one yet.”

            “I’m sending that supply drop now,” Kaz said as he scratched Snake’s coordinates down on paper to relay to Support. “Be careful out there, OK?”

            “I’ll be fine, Kaz.”

            Kaz sighed and sat up straight in his chair. He was far too unfocused to do anything productive while he knew Snake was in danger. So after misspelling three words in a row, he put his pen down and tried to read instead, opening his worn and dog-eared copy of _Guerilla Warfare_ by Che Guevara. He eventually just closed it when he discovered he had read the same sentence four times. Snake did his best to help to assuage Kaz’s fears by checking in occasionally, as if the older man understood how uncomfortable he was with radio silence now. 

            Snake managed to destroy Cocoon with much less drama than he had with the Chrysalis. From there, it was much easier for Kaz to walk Snake through the numerous hangars of the Mine Base.

            “I’m in Peace Walker’s hangar,” Snake whispered over his radio. Kaz could hear voices in the background; he definitely wasn’t alone with the AI. “They’re going to run more tests. They’re all going on break.”

            “Now’s your chance, Snake,” Kaz responded, “It’s not going to be this unguarded again.”

            Snake switched off his radio, presumably to go deeper into the hanger. Kaz tapped a pen absentmindedly against his desk while he waited. This was easily the hardest part of these missions for him: the waiting. The radio silence was pretty much required; Snake couldn’t speak without giving up his position, so Kaz really couldn’t know what was happening until after it happened. So when his radio warned him of an incoming call, he assumed Snake was out of the worst and was calling to confirm it. Instead, after connecting, he only heard breathing and a quiet voice in the background.

            “Snake?” Kaz asked quietly. Maybe he had accidently turned his radio on. But then, Kaz began to listen closely to the background voice. He could just make out the words through Snake’s headset.

            “Humans are incapable of destroying themselves,” Said a voice that almost seemed directed at Snake. The voice was clearly American, but Kaz couldn’t place who it was or why Snake had turned his radio on.

            Then it hit him. Snake was talking to that man Huey had mentioned when he had gotten to Mother Base, Coldman. Snake must have been spotted by the enemy, but he had turned his radio on so Kaz could know what was going on.

            “…But an AI won’t hesitate to push the button,” Snake spoke up know, his voice seemingly loud in Kaz’s ear. It was clear that he wasn’t talking to him, but to Coldman, instead.

            “Precisely, making it the one real deterrent.”   

            “People hesitate, lose their nerve. Isn’t that why deterrence theory works in the first place?”

            “No, machines don’t make mistakes. Only men do. That’s why a fully automated, mechanized deterrent like Peace Walker is needed. Once our system is embraced, Langley will again turn its attention to Latin America as the cockpit of the new cold war.”

            “Jesus Christ,” Kaz spoke quietly into his microphone so Snake could hear him. “Is this guy for real?”

            “All of North America, South America, and the West Indies will be within range. We’ll bring law and order to the entire continent,” Coldman finished.

            “And you’ll still be calling the shots,” Snake declared, for his and Kaz’s clarification.

            “Hmph, you still don’t get it,” the CIA agent said thoughtfully. “The age of heroes is over, buried alongside the Boss and her bankrupt beliefs. From now on, the only heroes will be machines. Surely no one understands that better than you? Except perhaps your partner.”

            “What?” Kaz breathed. “What’s MSF got to do with this?”

            “A deterrent for hire,” Coldman said condescendingly. “An army without borders. You’ve invented a new system, and an admirable one at that.”

            Kaz growled quietly. For some reason a compliment from Coldman seemed like an insult.

            “That supposed to be an offer?” Snake asked angrily.

             “I’m not offering anything,” Coldman said. “If I’m to sell my system, you and yours have got to go.”

            Faintly Kaz could hear the click of a rifle’s safety.

            _Shit_ , he realized, _they’re going to kill him._

            “Wait,” a new voice called out, slightly louder than Coldman’s had been. This one was female, and most likely the scientist Strangelove, another player Huey had talked about. “I have questions for him — information critical to the completion of the mammal pod. Give him to me.”

            “Snake,” Kaz tried to speak calmly, but his voice shook more than he wanted to admit. “Forget the AI; you have to get out of there. You can’t allow yourself to be captured by the enemy.”

            “Snake,” Strangelove was closer to him now, she almost sounded as loud as he did. “You are going to help me resurrect her.”

            “Shut up!” Snake shouted, his voice distorted over the radio. “The Boss is dead!”

            “Bring him,” she simply said.

            “Snake,” Kaz could now hear the desperation clearly in his voice, “For God’s sake, do something!”

            As if on command, Snake seemingly begin to fight; Kaz could hear the sound of a struggle. It was a short scuffle however, and it ended in silence. 

            “Bring him,” Strangelove commanded. Before Kaz could say anything else, the radio cut off. Shakily, Kaz tried to call Snake back. There was no answer. 

            Kaz pushed himself away from his desk, suddenly feeling trapped in his chair. He jumped up and began to pace around his office. A thousand thoughts began to race through his head.

            “Dammit, Snake,” Kaz whispered as he rubbed his temple and tried to control his suddenly quickened breathing.  

            _Snake is trained to handle situations like this_ , Kaz thought to himself, _So you’ll just have to let him handle it._

            Still, he couldn’t help but be overcome by panic briefly. He still managed to push the fear down and think rationally through it.

            _I need to get another agent into the hangar_ , he decided, _Someone to help Snake if he needs it_.

            With a semi-coherent plan in mind, Kaz left his office to find Alligator; there was no way he was going to sit by and let Snake go through this alone.

            Snake was snapped awake by the feeling of being drenched in cold water. He coughed and sputtered as it ran down his half naked body. He tried to move and found that his hands were tied above his body with chains and that he was hanging from the roof, his feet swinging six inches from the floor, which was now soaking wet.

            “Rise and shine.”

            Snake looked up to see Strangelove standing in front of him. She had rolled up her shirt sleeves and held in her hands two long stun rods by their insulated handles. Already, he could hear the sound of a current buzzing through them. They were ready whenever she was.

            “Coldman’s greed does not concern me. I’m only interested in one thing:” she said as she pressed the rods together, a spark of electricity coming out of them. “The Truth.”

            “I’m a scientist — an AI developer, and as a scientist, I find this distasteful,” Strangelove took a step closer to Snake’s prone form. “Do you understand? I expect answers that make sense.”

            Strangelove tapped the rods together again, creating another shower of sparks.

            “Now, what do you know? You’re boss defected from the US taking a Davy Crockett with her and used it to launch a nuclear strike on Soviet territory. That much I know from the CIA’s official debriefing,” Strangelove looked Snake directly in the eye before continuing. “…Did she defect or not?”

            Snake refused to look at the woman in front of him, instead gazing around the dark, empty room he was tied up in, trying to find a possible way to escape. 

            “Answer me!” Strangelove shouted suddenly, creating another wave of sparks from her stun rods. “Did she or did she not die for her country?”

            Snake took a few deep breaths, internally preparing himself for what would happen next.

            “She sold us out. My orders were to take care of her.”

            “Liar!” Strangelove pressed herself closer to Snake. “I want to know the truth!”

            Strangelove held the stun rods in front of her.

            “Brace yourself,” she said quietly, before pressing them against his chest.

            Snake grunted in pain, his muscles contracting with the power of the shock. He shook uselessly in his bonds as the pulses made their way through his body, making him shake and quiver. By time Strangelove pulled away, Snake was hanging limp, breathing heavily through the pain. This wasn’t the first time he had been exposed to shocks like that, and Strangelove’s voltage wasn’t nearly as high as Volgin’s had been ten years ago. There was just something about electricity that always managed to break down a man’s pain tolerance.

            “You hate me?” Snake asked, breathing heavy. Strangelove looked at him warily, but didn’t answer. “Fine. Turn it up. It doesn’t change the fact that I killed her.”

            “I know that,” Strangelove said through gritted teeth. “But what I don’t know is your motive. Why would a hero loyal to the end betray her country? What really happened? What did you see?”

            “She betrayed more than just her country. She betrayed me too.”

            “Then how do explain that bandana? Why keep a memento of a traitor?”

            “What are you talking about?” Snake stuttered a little.

            “And what about that scar?” Strangelove raised her voice now, confident in her line of thinking. “Don’t tell me you have the same scars by sheer coincidence.”

            Strangelove moved towards him, her arms outstretched to touch his scar. 

            “Don’t touch me!” 

            For the first time since he woke up Snake raised his voice, sifting his weight to swing out of reach of Strangelove. The doctor only gazed thoughtfully at Snake, now breathing heavier and more self-conscious of his helpless state. Then, suddenly, Strangelove thrust forward, pressing the rods straight onto Snake’s naked chest.

            This time the shock was more powerful than before, and Snake couldn’t stop the garbled shout that was pulled from his chest. The electricity burned the most in his torso, where the rods made contact with his skin; it made his lungs feel like fire. Still, after so long, he could feel the shocks pulsing into his legs and feet, the contractions stretching across his whole body. This time when she pulled away, Snake’s body continued to quiver in the aftermath of the shocks.

            “Admit it! She sacrificed her life for America, didn’t she?” Strangelove yelled. “She sacrificed it all for a country that cared nothing for her soul or for her dignity. And you…”

            Strangelove lashed out, striking Snake directly on his chest with the insulated end of the rod. Snake grunted but otherwise gave no more indication of pain. When Strangelove spoke again, her voice was much quieter.

            “Yes. I do hate you. But even you must understand how I feel. I have a right to know what she died for. Why won’t you tell me?! You’re no longer one of Washington’s lapdogs. You have no moral obligation to your country.”

            Once again, Snake remained silent, breathing through the pain that still burned in his lungs.

            “Would you see your beloved Boss brought back to life? Say it! Say she died for America!”

            “…No…” Snake said, surprised at how weak his voice sounded after only two shocks. “That woman was a traitor. She went to her grave cursing her country.”

            “WHY!” Strangelove’s voice was beginning to crack with emotion, and Snake wasn’t sure if that would work for or against him in this situation. “What are you protecting?!”

            “I’m not helping you finish that thing!” Snake barked, his voice stronger now that he had more or less recovered. “Face it. The Boss is dead. Whatever is inside that machine isn’t her!”   

            “I’m turning the voltage up. The next one might kill you.”

            This time Snake screamed openly when the rods made contact with his body. The muscle contractions were so violent his whole figure began to curl in on itself a few seconds in. His entire body burned, and he found it hard to breathe; his head began to feel light with pain, and right when he was certain he would pass out, Strangelove pulled away. Snake’s whole body was consumed with shakes and coughs. He tried to inhale, but all he could smell was charred flesh.

            “Are you ready to talk yet?”

            Snake swayed in his bonds, and he waited until he trusted himself to speak. Even so, when he tried, his voice was quiet and painful.

            “Kill me. I don’t care… I…” Snake swallowed thickly, coughing as he did so. “I killed her.”

            “That’s not what I want to know,” Strange said angrily, creating another shower of sparks with the two rods.

            “Do it…” Snake whispered, almost all coherent thought gone from his mind. “Kill me… Kill me now…”

            “Stop it,” Strangelove said sharply. Instead, Snake continued to repeat himself.

            “Kill me… kill me…” He said, getting louder as he went.

            “SHUT UP!” Strangelove shouted and pressed the rods into Snake’s sides with force. 

            Snake’s entire mind went white with pain, and he screamed again. His voice was hoarse, and his cries were cracked and punctuated by the pulses that made their way through his body. He thrashed violently from the power of the voltage; all thoughts leaving his mind in the wake of agony. 

            By the time Strangelove pulled away, all of his strength was gone, and he hung limply in the chains. He couldn’t breathe, and his vision was beginning to fade. Just before he passed out, Snake remembered that he had promised Kaz that nothing bad would happen to him while he was away. He felt bad for lying to him. 

            And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so sorry about the wordiness of the chapter. We gotta go through these cutscences, trust me, it will all make sense soon. And I bet you thought you'd be getting porn this chapter. It's coming, i swear it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the final fight with PW. It's obvious but I still wanted to let you know because there is a bit of a gap in narration, but you can fill this easily by playing the game or watching the PW movie on you tube. 
> 
> Oh, and Snake might be slightly OoC in this chapter, but eh. Whatever.

** November 23, 1974 **

            Snake watched the waves of the lake sway and lap at the shore. The water was still disturbed from Peace Walker’s entrance in it. After so much time, Snake figured it would have to calm down, to go back to the way it was before. He had been kneeling there for a while, long enough for Strangelove to leave him for Mother Base.

            _So this is it. This is her will._

            Peace. A world without war. The concepts sounded pretty in his head, but he couldn’t imagine himself in that world; he’d never be happy there. Did she even think of that when she made her choice?

            _Did she even think of me?_

            “Hey Snake, whatcha doing?”

            Someone called him but he didn’t answer. He kept his silent vigil over the water. 

            “Snake…” The voice was directly behind him now. A warm hand was placed on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

            The touch pulled him out of his head enough to look up. The voice had belonged to Kaz, and somehow, he felt that he should have known that all along. He reached up to place his hand over Kaz’s, holding it there while he nuzzled it softly with his chin. Kaz tensed slightly, but otherwise didn’t respond. 

            “Are you here alone?” Snake asked quietly, absentmindedly stroking his hand.

            “Yeah. Everyone else is at base. They’re waiting for you.”

            Snake nodded and turned back towards the lake.

            “Do you think the water will ever be still again?” he asked.

            “I’m sorry, what?”

            “The water…” Snake gestured towards the lake. “When I got here it was all flat. But when she walked into it, she made little waves. See?”

            “Oh, Snake,” Kaz quietly sat down next to him and wiped a tear from under his eye. He hadn’t even noticed that he had been crying. 

            “She always changed everything she touched, that’s what made her so special, but does it ever change back? Does it… ever stop hurting so much?”

            Snake turned to look at Kaz. The younger man’s face was filled with concern. He turned to better face Snake and held his arms open.

            “Come ‘ere.”

            Before Snake could react, Kaz had reached forward and encircled him in a strong hug. Kaz’s hand found its way into his hair and lightly pushed his face against his neck. It took him awhile, but eventually, Snake gave in and wrapped his arms around Kaz, pushing himself deeper into the embrace and hiding his tears in Kaz’s shoulder, breathing in that warm, homely smell that was unmistakably _Kaz_. It was comforting in its own way.

            Eventually, he began to rub gentle circles against his back; the repetitive motion was very calming, and Snake used it to ground himself. 

            After so much stress, he found this very nice, just letting himself fall apart in someone else’s arms. Whenever he had been upset before, he would just suppress it and push it somewhere far away in his mind, but now he had Kaz. He had never had someone he could trust this much before. 

            “I still have nightmares,” Snake finally whispered into Kaz’s jacket. He was no longer crying, but his voice was still thick with emotion.    

            “Hm?” Kaz pulled back in an attempt to look at Snake’s face, but the older man simply moved with him, keeping his nose pressed into his chest.

            “It’s been ten years, and I still dream about her. They’re always the same. Most nights I’m fine, but sometimes…”

            Kaz tightened his grip around Snake. 

            “It’s all over now.”

            “But is it?” Snake responded bitterly. “It didn’t end before, so why would it now? Dammit, why can’t she just leave me alone?”

            “Because you won’t let her go.”

            Snake finally pulled back from Kaz to look the younger man in the face. 

            “Snake, you have to stop beating yourself up over this. It’s done. Nothing will change that, and feeling guilty won’t help.”

            “So what, I’m supposed to just magically stop feeling? What a great idea, Kaz,” Snake rubbed at his eye to dry the lingering moisture there and stood up. Kaz followed hastily.

            “Hey, I’m not saying it will be easy or anything. But you have to move on eventually. I’ll even help, I’ll…”

            “Kaz, can I have some time alone?” The younger man faltered at the request. Snake quickly held a hand up to deflect his arguments. “Just a minute, please; I need a moment to think.”

            Kaz sighed but nodded his head.

            “Fine. I’ll be by the helicopter.”

            Snake took a few steps closer to the lake. The water had stopped moving now; it was calm again. He frowned at the change. 

            _Could something that big really not have any lasting effects? At least visible ones_ , he mused. 

            He looked back to find Kaz standing by a transport helicopter. He seemed to be watching him. Snake leaned down to pick a stray pebble from off the ground. It was pretty small, and it fit easily into his hand. With a slight flick of his wrist he tossed it out over the water. It skipped along the surface three times before dropping in with a resounding plop. Snake watched the ripples it created run along the water for a minute. The rings in the water were small, but they gained momentum as they pushed outwards, soon becoming little waves of their own. Snake smiled and headed back towards Kaz.

            “I’m done,” he said simply.

            “Snake, you don’t mean…”

            “I’m done looking for the truth. I was wrong.”

            “Snake?”

            “She betrayed me, Kaz.”

            Kaz tilted his head in confusion. 

            “She what?”

            Snake stood a little taller and looked down at Kaz. 

            “In the end, she put down her gun. And when she did, she rejected her entire life up until that point… Including me.”

            “Snake…” Kaz placed a tentative hand on Snake’s. He let it remain there.

            “In giving up her life, she abandoned everything she was as a soldier.”

            “And you consider that betrayal,” Kaz said thoughtfully, squeezing his hand as he did so.

            “I won’t make the same choice as her. My future is going to be different.”

            Snake let go of Kaz’s hand and pulled open the cabin of the transport helicopter. When he turned around, Kaz was still watching him.

            “From now on, call me Big Boss.”

            Every soldier had gotten together to throw an impromptu celebration on Mother Base. R&D had somehow set up a sound system to play music and a light system to shine multi-colored spot lights based on the song. Snake was beginning to doubt their productivity, honestly. There was no way that they set it all up two hours ago, so it had to have been pre-made… With company GMP. He ultimately decided to let it slide. 

            The Mess Hall team even managed to churn out a buffet of party foods. And there was way more alcohol than Kaz would ever have approved to buy. Although most of it was bad French wine. He’d have to ask Kaz about that later. 

            Snake made small talk and attempted to navigate the party, but crowds never were his thing. Before long, he had pulled a chair away from the hub and kicked back in front of the ocean, a cigar gripped in his teeth. He lit up and watched the moon for a while.

              “Jesus Christ, look at em.”

            Snake turned around to see Whale approaching him. His dark hair was mussed, normally he kept it neat and slicked back, and his cheeks were flushed lightly with alcohol. He leaned against the railing next to where Snake sat and gestured loosely at the crowd.

            “There’s at least two hundred people there. And not a single girl who wants to dance with me.”

            Snake laughed at the medic’s misfortune.

            “I thought I saw you with Swan when I first got here.”

            “Yeah, but that lasted for like a second. She hit me,” he pouted and rubbed gingerly at his cheek, as if it still hurt.     

            “Well, what did you do?”

            “We were dancing. Now, I won’t lie, I might have gotten a little overzealous, and I may have touched her, by accident, mind you, but still. She didn’t need to slap me.”

            “She might not like being groped by men twice her age,” Snake smiled as he puffed at his cigar.

            “Hey, you’re no spring chicken yourself, old timer.”

            “We’re basically the same age, shut up.”

            Whale laughed and turned to face Snake.

            “Do you remember when there were only like twenty of us though? And there was only one broad, and she was a lesbian.”

            “Are you sure she didn’t just hate you Whale?”

            “No, go find her right now!” Whale pointed enthusiastically back at the people. “When I left, Dove was grinding on Dr. Strangelove. They were all but having sex on that stupid dancefloor.”   

            “Of course they were,” Snake smiled at Whale, who only frowned.

            “Hey guys, we brought shots!”

            Snake turned round in his chair to meet two more people breaking from the crowd. They were Alligator and Kaz; the former carried four shot glasses balanced in his hands, while the latter dragged a chair behind him. Whale quickly stepped forward to liberate the drinks from Alligator while Kaz positioned his chair next to Snake and sat down.

            “You’re officially my favorite person right now,” Whale laughed as he held the shot glass in front of him. He lifted it to his nose and sniffed it, pulling a grimace at the strange smell. “Hey, what the hell is in this, anyway?”

            “No idea,” Alligator shrugged and held two glasses out to Kaz. The commander graciously took them.

            “It’s some local drink,” Kaz explained and held one of the shots out to Snake. “They say it’ll fuck up any one that so much as touches it.”

            Snake grudgingly accepted the glass, holding it up to the light to get a better look at it. 

            “You trying to get me drunk, Kaz?”

            “It might be funny,” the younger man admitted before holding out his mystery drink. “Come on, let’s toast. To peace!”

            “To peace!” The men clinked their glasses together before raising them to their lips. Snake closed his eyes and tipped the glass back, almost gagging at the unpleasant taste and the way it burned his throat.

            There was a few seconds of coughing in their circle as everyone tried to keep it down.

            “Goddamn, what was that shit?” Whale mumbled and looked bitterly at his empty glass.  

            “Pure, unfiltered regret,” Alligator mumbled as he put his glass down. “So what were you and the Boss talking about?”

            “All the people here. And how no one wants to date me.”

            “Of course,” Alligator chuckled, but then looked back at the crowd with a more attentive eye. “I suppose we have gotten a lot of new recruits recently.”

            “One hundred and seventy five,” Kaz said proudly. “That’s how many recruits we’ve gotten in the last month alone. And we’re still growing.”

            “Damn,” Alligator leaned back next to Whale on the railing. “How do we have room for them all?”

            “Because the commander here pulled some little puppet strings and got us out of that shithole in Columbia,” Whale laughed. “Seriously, that place sucked.”

            “Hey!” Snake sat a little straighter in his chair. “I liked our old FOB.”

            “Mmhm,” Alligator nodded his head in agreement, “I especially loved when the wind would blow at night and make the support beams make those really cool creaking sounds.”

            Whale laughed and put a hand on Alligator’s shoulder.

            “Personally, I loved how during the rainy season the roof leaked and got all the floors wet.”

            Kaz nudged Snake excitedly. 

            “Hey Boss, do you remember that time it rained so hard the roof over our room caved in?”

            “A tree branch from the storm hit our room, actually, and yes, I do remember.”

            “Branch, whatever,” Kaz turned to the gathered soldiers. “I woke up and there was just this giant hole in our fucking roof! Right over the Boss’s bed! He was drenched and just staring up at the sky with the funniest face. And then he had a cold for the next week, it was hilarious!”

            “I could’ve died, but no, it was funny, Kaz, really,” Snake mumbled. The other men ignored him.

            “Remember when we ran out of food?” Alligator asked. “We were all sitting around and the Commander just came in and was like ‘Sorry boys, we didn’t have enough money in the budget to buy food! You’ll have to make do with your military rations!’”

            “But you forgot the best part,” Whale jumped in excitedly. “Miller brought out this huge bag of coffee grounds and said, ‘We did have enough money for a year’s supply of coffee, so drink up!’”

            “A man’s got to have priorities,” Kaz shrugged, “I need coffee in my life.”

            “Apparently more than you need to eat,” Snake interjected.

            “Come on, we all have our vices. You smoke, Whale has sex, and I drink coffee. Personally, I think I’m the obvious lesser evil.”

            “Okay, that’s not fair,” Whale interrupted. “I ‘date.’ The only one here who has excessive casual sex is you, Master.” 

            “Nothing wrong with casual sex,” Kaz said with a pout.

            “I wish I could have casual sex,” Alligator mumbled dejectedly. Whale perked up beside him.

            “Aw, you mean to say that you have lady troubles, Alligator?”

            “If I can’t get any is a lady trouble, then yes, I do.”

            “Well then,” Whale pulled himself away from the railing and slicked his hair back. “I’m going to help you.”

            “What?” Alligator shot the older man a confused look.

            “Before the night is over, you, my friend, will have some amazing sex with someone out there, because I am the best wing man in the Western hemisphere. Now come on.”

            Whale grabbed Alligator and pulled him back into the party. Snake stubbed out his cigar.

            “So how drunk are they?”

            “Very,” Kaz chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “I know that Whale’s been taking shots all night and Alligator can’t hold his liquor for shit.”

            Snake nodded.

            “So we should have surprise drill training for all teams in the morning then?”

            “Boss, that’s just mean!”

            Snake shrugged and got more comfortable in his chair. The two sat in a companionable silence for a while after that and listened to the shouting of the party behind them. Kaz eventually turned to look at Snake better.

            “So, uh, I’m guessing you’re feeling better?”

            Snake smiled warmly at his second in command. “Yes, Kaz. I’m fine.”

            “Well good,” Kaz reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it between them. “That’s good.”

            He nodded and squeezed his hand lightly. 

            “I’m sorry for losing it back there. You shouldn’t have to support me like that.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” the younger man shrugged. “It’s what you do when you care about someone.”    

            Snake nodded his head thoughtfully. He then turned back to Kaz, his face solemn.

            “I will kill you if you tell anyone, though.” 

            Kaz laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a funny story behind my almost week late update and the fact that this is actually a Snake POV when technically the last POV you read was also Snake. It can be summed up with this:
> 
> I've been sick with the flu since Monday. Now, this close to semester finals, this time of year for me is really, really busy. I have literally no free time. But while I was in bed with a fever, I realized something: That I could be writing fanfiction in this bedridden state! I watched the final cutscenes of PW (because it was almost that time in the story and I needed to make sure my time line was right) and was immediately sent in an emotional spiral. So in a fever induced haze and Kojima induced grief, I decided my current plan was all wrong, stopped writing the original chapter 8, and pushed chapter 9 back to become the new chapter 8. And now that I'm all better I can now say objectively that i quite like my new outline much more, even if it meant cutting out a Kaz chapter (because I love Kaz chapters so much!). 
> 
> No worries, Kaz will return in the next chapter, and that should actually be out this weekend. Anyway, thanks for reading my rant, and as always, I love you guys! Never stop being you!
> 
> *EDIT* Song: ["Fall Into Me"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z7jJIYPJG8)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTRA OPS 68 EXTRA OPS 68 EXTRA OPS 68 EXTRA OPS 68!!!!
> 
> For those of you who don't know what that means there is explicit sexual content in this chapter.

** November 30, 1974 **

            Kaz twiddled with the microphone of his radio. It had been a week since Snake destroyed Peace Walker, and although the mission was over, the two of them had never gotten any more time to talk. Snake had made himself busy with extra operations that had been piling up, and Kaz found himself dealing with Cipher more than he usually did. He was extremely stressed as a result and honestly wanted nothing more than to be with Snake the way they had been before this whole mess. 

            Currently, Snake was on the Playa Del Alba in Costa Rica overseeing the recruits’ training. Kaz had planned to ask Snake to stay while he made the short trip to meet him there under the guise of watching the sunset together. It was obviously a date.

            _Maybe I should be more subtle_ , Kaz thought nervously, _Would Snake even like watching the sunset? What if he sees through it? Maybe he’ll think I’m moving too fast._

            Kaz cursed and put the radio down. He could always wait and talk to Snake later, but this was a golden opportunity to get away from everyone for a while and be alone. 

            Alone with Snake.  

            _Come on, you’ve done this a thousand times before_. Kaz picked up the microphone again, this time clicking the radio on before he had a chance to change his mind.

            “Hey Kaz,” Snake responded quickly, as if he had been waiting on the call, “What’s going on?”

            “Um, nothing much,” Kaz answered. _And there goes my confidence._

__ “I just finished testing the new recruits. I’ll head back to Mother Base soon and run some courses with the combat team, unless you have anything else for me while I’m out here.”

            “Yeah, well, I was thinking. You know, Snake… the sunsets are so pretty here…”

            There was a brief silence, and all Kaz could hear was the sound of Snake breathing.

            _Well that was smooth, Miller._

__ “Are you feeling OK, Kaz?”

            “Yeah, I mean… I’ve got MSF business to think about and all, but sometimes, it’s just nice to sit and watch the sunset, you know?”

            “… Umm, yyyyeah.”

            “Snake, um,” _Here we go_ , “would you be up for going to the coast to watch the sunset? Just the two of us?”

            Once again there was a brief silence, and then a slight intake of breath, as if Snake finally realized what Kaz was asking. 

            “You’ll miss it if you don’t hurry, Kaz,” was all the older man responded. It wasn’t an enthusiastic ‘yes,’ but it was a clear invitation.  

            Kaz stood up from his chair quickly, filled with nervous energy as he grabbed a couple of things from around his office. Earlier, he had made a basket of sandwiches and snacks to eat on the beach and had put aside a spare blanket to sit on. It was trite and too romantic for either of their tastes, but Kaz still didn’t really know how to navigate their relationship and was erring on the side of caution. It was always better to put in too much effort than not enough. Right?

            Before he left his office, he double checked his jacket pocket for his supplies: a couple of condoms and a bottle of lube. Technically, Kaz had no idea what was going to happen out there, but it was always good to be prepared. So he was ready for anything. 

            When he reached the helicopter pad, he chose to fly it himself, even though Morpho was already there and insisting that it would be no trouble of his to fly Kaz himself. After a couple of hard stares, he managed to scare the younger pilot away and enter the helicopter alone, his basket in the seat next to him. The flight to the beach gave Kaz much more time to second guess his actions. He was normally never this nervous about dates or sex in general. For some reason, Snake made everything seem different, made it somehow more important than it was before. And that honestly excited Kaz more than it scared him anymore.

            By the time Kaz landed at the small beach, it was deserted except for one man. Snake was leaning against the dock, finishing a cigar when Kaz made his way to the shore. The older man looked at him briefly while he unfolded the blanket and laid it flat on the sand. Kaz sat down and was shortly joined by his “date,” who, he noticed, was shirtless. Again.

            “So what’s all this,” Snake asked, gesturing at Kaz’s spread. He shrugged, a little lost for words. 

            “It’s a date, right? We could at least try to be romantic.”

            Snake chuckled and took a seat next to him on the blanket. They sat rather close together, which was something he really didn’t mind. They turned to the sea and watched the sun for a little bit before Kaz broke the silence.

            “God, this is boring.”

            Snake chuckled and turned to him. 

            “Then remind me where we left off last time.”

            “Oh yeah,” Kaz pushed Snake down carefully onto the blanket beneath them. “We were right about here.”

            Kaz reached down to capture his commander’s lips in his own. He wasted no time in deepening the kiss and adding tongue. This time around, Kaz straddled Snake’s hips, and as long as he was on top, he wasn’t going to waste time with any pretense of virginal theatrics. He may have been nervous about the date, but now that he was here, everything felt natural again.

            He threaded his hands in Snake’s hair and began to slowly grind his hips against his crotch. His commander immediately responded by groaning into his mouth and slipping his hands down to grip Kaz’s hips. The younger man smiled when he already began to feel Snake’s arousal growing underneath him.

            Abandoning Snake’s mouth, he began to place kisses along his face, on his cheeks, down his jaw, and onto his neck. The older man began to breathe heavier as Kaz latched his mouth onto his right nipple. Kaz sucked on it lightly until he felt it harden beneath his tongue. He then began nipping and licking it with more fervor. Snake was outright panting by the time Kaz finally let go and moved to the other one to give it the same treatment.

            “Kaz…” Snake’s voice wavered when he spoke. Smiling against his chest, Kaz gave Snake’s nipple a hard suck before biting down with aggression.

            “Kaz!” Snake’s eye flew open and he yelped in pain. Kaz only grinned evilly. 

            “That’s what you get for always walking around shirtless,” Kaz said as he pushed his boss back down. Snake continued to eye Kaz distrustfully, but his now fully hard erection told a different story. Kaz slid further down Snake’s body to lie between his legs. He moved to undo Snake’s belt buckle, but before he could, the older man had reached down to grab Kaz’s ascot and forcefully pulled him back up.

            “Slow down,” he whispered and untied Kaz’s scarf. “It’s your turn now.”

            With that, the older man flipped their positions and began to kiss Kaz again, this time much slower. While Snake explored his mouth, his hands began to unbutton Kaz’s jacket. He pushed the fabric aside, and the younger man shivered slightly as the evening air touched his hot skin. Without breaking the kiss, Snake began running his hands down his exposed chest, tracing his abs and placing feather light touches along his sides. 

            “Snake,” Kaz broke the kiss to whine into the older man’s ear. He was panting and couldn’t help but notice how aroused he was already, and Snake hadn’t even touched him yet. Grinning, the older man removed the rest of the jacket, throwing it to the side.  

            “So impatient,” Snake chided, but nevertheless moved further down until he rested between his legs. He palmed his clothed erection lightly, looking up with an innocent look in his eye.

            “Is this what you wanted, Kaz?”

            Kaz groaned and closed his eyes against the sudden rush of sensation. The feeling of cloth rubbing against his sensitive head was doing wonders for his neglected cock, which quickly grew fully hard under Snake’s hand. He pushed his hips upward, grinding against the older man, silently asking for more. 

            Snake played with him a little while longer before finally relenting and undoing his pants, pulling them and his underwear down enough to expose his cock, standing erect and proud. He took a moment to appreciate the sight, and Kaz grew red under the scrutiny. He wasn’t anything too impressive, average at best, but Snake looked at it like it was beautiful. He teased at the head with his fingers, smearing the pre-cum that was already leaking from it. Kaz cursed and threw an arm over his face when his boss began to gently stroke him. He couldn’t help but moan as Snake continued, experimenting with pressure and speed until he found the pace that made Kaz’s toes curl.  

            Snake pulled away suddenly and Kaz made a small sound of disappointment. He propped himself up on his elbows to see what his commander was doing. The older man was wiggling out of his pants, leaving himself completely naked. Kaz stared at his freed cock. It was bigger than his, he hated to admit, but it wasn’t really that much bigger than average. It was a nice cock, though.  Snake then pulled Kaz’s pants off as well, stopping shortly to throw off his shoes and socks. With the rest of his body exposed, Snake began to hungrily place open mouthed kisses up Kaz’s legs, paying special attention to his inner thighs. The older man kept kissing up, until his mouth hovered over Kaz’s crotch. He could feel the heat of Snake’s breath against his skin, but the mouth lingered there for a mere second before passing it by to continue kissing up Kaz’s chest, stopping to lick at sweat collected in the contours of his body. 

            “Stop teasing,” Kaz gasped out. He reached down and grabbed Snake’s hair and tugged his head upward until they were face to face. He then captured Snake’s lips in a bruising kiss, all passion, tongue and the barest hint of teeth. Snake better aligned himself on top of Kaz and begin to grind down slowly, their bare cocks brushing against each other. Snake groaned and reached between them, wrapping a hand around both of their lengths. Kaz quickly became overcome by the feeling of hot sensitive skin moving flush against his own, creating a rhythm of sensation that pushed him closer to the edge. He could easily get off from the frottage alone, but he had other plans in mind.

            “Wait, Snake,” he groaned into his partner’s mouth, lightly pushing on his chest. Snake stilled his hips and pulled back, an inquisitive look in his face. “I’m going to cum soon.”

            “And?” Snake rocked his hips, smiling at how it made him shiver. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

            “I was kind of hoping…” Kaz trailed off, unsure of how to word it. Snake pushed against him one more time in the silence, pulling a curse out of the younger man. “Dammit, Snake, I want you to fuck me.”

            Snake stopped his movements and looked down at Kaz, a little shocked. He felt himself grow a little embarrassed, thinking maybe he had overstepped some boundary. He opened his mouth to take it back, but before he could, Snake had come down and claimed his lips in a sloppy kiss. Kaz was taken aback by the power of it, growing lightheaded on the taste of Snake’s tongue as it pushed against his.  

            Snake pulled away after biting Kaz’s lower lip lightly. The older man smiled wolfishly and pulled off Kaz’s glasses.

            “All you had to do was ask.”

            His boss pushed himself up and off of Kaz’s body. He shivered at the sudden loss of heat and propped himself up on his elbows to better look at what he was doing. Snake was rummaging through the things he had brought, obviously looking for something.

            “There are condoms and lube in my jacket pocket,” Kaz said helpfully. Snake nodded and found the garment, rooting through it for a few moments before pulling out the bottle of lube.

            “Have you ever done this before?” Snake asked as he returned to kneel between his stretched legs. 

            “A couple of times,” Kaz answered and watched Snake with interest as he began to pour the lube over his fingers. “What about you?”

            “I’ve never been with a man,” he said as he capped the bottle, “So this’ll be a first for me.”

            “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

            Snake used his spare hand to lightly push Kaz down until his back rested against the blanket.

            “Just relax.”

            Kaz huffed angrily, but spread his legs a little more when he felt Snake’s slick finger press against his hole. He drew little circles around the muscle, spreading and warming the lube. Kaz closed his eyes and felt himself loosen up against the calming sensation. After a moment, he felt the same finger begin to push at the tight ring of muscle. It went through with little resistance. He moaned as that one finger began to piston in and out of him, slowly rubbing against his walls. Snake lifted one leg over his shoulder, giving him easier access to Kaz’s hole before he pulled out completely and added another finger in with the first one.     

            The younger man hissed at the intrusion. Snake looked up worriedly.

            “Does it hurt?”

            Kaz shook his head.

            “It’s just been a while. Keep going.”

            The older man nodded and continued to work his two fingers in an out slowly, allowing Kaz to get used to the feeling. After a brief moment his breathing slowed and he adjusted to the slight stretch. Snake began to experimentally crook his fingers, pressing against the walls in different places. Kaz breathed slowly while his boss explored, waiting for the moment when he found his…

            “Ah!” Kaz arched his back and shuddered as he was overtaken with a quick burst of pleasure. Snake adjusted his angle to brush up against his prostate again. He whimpered and tried to push against the fingers currently penetrating him, his cock growing harder at the contact.

            “You’re really sensitive, aren’t you Kaz?”

            “Just, ah! Just don’t stop!” he stuttered, panting as Snake continued to work his fingers. His commander began to scissor his two fingers, stretching his hole even more, but at that point, he was too blissed out to recognize it as uncomfortable.

              By the time Snake was pushing in three slick fingers, Kaz was incoherent and impaling himself deeper on every thrust of Snake’s hand. His commander was right; he was extremely sensitive down there. It was the main reason he enjoyed bottoming so much. At the same time, it was the reason he hardly did it. He hated being out of control in a situation, sexual or otherwise, and nothing made him quite a helpless, quivering mess as a couple fingers shoved up his ass. But Kaz honestly didn’t mind it when it was Snake. He trusted Snake.

            Snake pulled his fingers out and picked up a condom, ripping the packaging and rolling it on. He used more lube to slick himself up, and Kaz wrapped his legs around Snake’s back impatiently.

            “Hurry up,” he whined.

            Snake laughed and placed his left hand on Kaz’s shoulder, pressing him down. With his right hand he lined his cock against Kaz’s hole. The younger man took a few deep breaths and braced himself for the intrusion, but the warmth rubbing against him didn’t move. Kaz opened his eyes to see Snake looking at him expectantly.

            “You ready?”

            Kaz nodded. Snake gave Kaz a quick peck on the cheek before he straightened and began to slowly push inside. It took all of Kaz’s self-control not to cry out at the sudden unexpected pain that assaulted him as Snake’s head pushed past his muscles. He instinctively tried to get away but Snake’s hand held him fast. His other hand stroked his thigh in a comforting way.

            “Just relax, Kaz.”

            _That’s easy for you to say_ , he thought bitterly, but he still took deep breaths and willed himself to calm down as Snake finished pushing in. By the time he was fully seated, Kaz had stopped fighting and just took the sensations as they came. His boss waited patiently and continued to run his hands along his legs and chest while Kaz breathed deeply and grew accustomed to the stretch. It didn’t really hurt as much as it was uncomfortable, and Kaz felt his initial reaction was probably due to the shock of being penetrated than any actual pain. Not to say that Snake wasn’t big and that it didn’t hurt at all, it just wasn’t as bad as he originally thought. 

            “Better?” Snake leaned down and whispered. Kaz nodded and laced his fingers into his hair, pulling him down into a slow kiss. Snake ran his hands down his sides and rested them on his hips, gripping them tightly. He continued to hold Kaz down as he slowly rolled his hips. The younger man moaned; he still felt like he was being stretched too far, but he allowed his partner to continue anyway. 

            After a few shallow thrusts, Snake lifted Kaz’s hips slightly to grant him more maneuverability. He began to thrust harder and adjusted his angle until Kaz let out a surprised shout and clenched around Snake’s cock. He reached up and wrapped his arms around Snake’s neck and tightened his legs around his torso as he began to really thrust into him. Kaz panted and let out a rather embarrassing sound as Snake hit that perfect spot inside of him, pulling his hips down as he thrusted up continuously. All Kaz could do was hold on as the pleasure rolled over him and all rational thoughts left his mind with each thrust. 

            Soon, Snake let go of his hips to wrap a hand around his cock, moving to match the pace of his thrusts. Kaz cursed and quickly lost cohesion to the dual sensations. It wasn’t long before he could feel the familiar sense of heat pooling in his groin.

            “Snake,” Kaz warned. “I’m going to cum.”

            Snake quickened his pace on Kaz’s cock and thrust harder into him at the same time. In a few seconds Kaz’s orgasm washed over him. His entire body tensed, and he shouted as he came, burying his face against Snake’s neck at the same time, completely helpless against the feeling of almost painful pleasure. He felt the older man grow very still after a few more thrusts, and Snake bit down on Kaz’s neck to stifle any sound as he came shortly after Kaz did. 

            The two remained leaning against each other for a while, completely boneless and exhausted. After a moment, Kaz groaned and eased himself back down on the blanket. Snake carefully pulled out, wincing in pity when Kaz groaned helplessly under him.

            “You OK?”

            “Just a little sore,” he assured him. Snake nodded and brushed his hair out of his face and kissed him tenderly. Snake pulled away and Kaz curled up contentedly on the blanket and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to just go to sleep. He heard random sounds behind him as Snake moved around, but he just tuned it out. He dozed off for a minute before Snake’s voice woke him up again.

            “Hey these are pretty good. Did you make them yourself?”

            Kaz groaned and forced himself to turn around to see what Snake was doing. His boss had opened his basket was eagerly digging into a sandwich he had brought.

            “Yeah. And is that really the first thing you do after sex? Eat?”

            Snake shrugged.

            “It’s hard work, and I’m hungry. But seriously Kaz, these are good. I should put you on the mess hall team.”

            “Ha, very funny, Boss,” Kaz said as he finally sat up, stretching his arms and yawing. He looked out over the ocean to find that a field of stars had sprung up and the moon was beginning to rise. 

            “Well damn,” he muttered. Snake looked over at him curiously.

            “We missed the sunset.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok kiddies, this will be the last update for the next two weeks. Sorry to possibly disappoint you, but I gotta pass my classes. When the semester is over I'll be back in full swing!!!
> 
> At least I'm leaving you guys with some sweet, sweet love, oh yeah.
> 
> This was my first time writing content of the explicit variety (read: porn). This is my first time writing porn) and I was wondering if you guys could leave me some feed back. I was going to write much more in the future so if like to know if I'm doing it right!
> 
> *EDIT* Song: ["Want To"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb_X8rcf0aU)


	10. Chapter 10

** December 2, 1974 **

            Snake smiled as he watched Kaz absentmindedly flip through the new assignments for the recruits. Although his XO made most decisions, any regarding the men was still made by him, and now that his mission was complete, he finally had the time to do it. Honestly, he had time to do all sorts of things now.

            In the week since his and Kaz’s “date,” Snake had found the time to train the recruits personally, top off his own marksmanship to a level he felt was acceptable, complete a number of small jobs for Kaz around the base, and still manage to meet his second in command every night for more amorous activities. He currently wasn’t sure if their relationship was strictly sex or something more, so he never asked for anything more than what they had, but in the end, what they had was pretty good. 

            And the sex was just amazing. The way Kaz writhed and groaned, his blue eyes glazed over with pleasure…

            “Boss!” 

            Snake shook his head, clearing his thoughts and saw Kaz, standing up from his desk and leaning towards him. He was angrily clutching a page from his report in his hand.

            “What the hell is this?” he asked darkly, shoving the paper into Snake’s face. He scanned it quickly, chuckling when he realized what it was.

            “It’s your new assignment.”

            “You actually assigned me to the Mess Hall team? I thought you were joking!” Kaz exclaimed, falling back into his desk chair with a huff. 

            “That head chef we have now doesn’t know the first thing about cooking. Morale is really starting to fall.”

            “And I’ll help, huh?” Kaz glared at him from under his sunglasses. “Seriously, is this a joke?”

            “It won’t be that bad. Cecile will be there, too; maybe you two will hit it off.”

            Snake watched carefully to see Kaz’s reaction, but the younger man didn’t seem interested to be grouped with an attractive young woman for once in his life. He decided it was because Kaz no longer cared about other women now that they were together, although the lack of any response was more likely a result of his current anger than anything.

            The two sat together for a few moments in silence, Kaz presumably collecting his thoughts and Snake simply waiting on him. He honestly didn’t know why he was so mad. The mess hall team should be easy and stress free for him. 

            “I asked to be moved to the combat team,” Kaz said quietly as he tilted his head up to look at Snake. 

            Snake had seen Kaz’s formal request form. He had submitted a team change the way everyone else did, which Snake thought was hilarious, considering their ‘special’ circumstances. However, he just wasn’t comfortable with letting Kaz out on missions. He may have trained the recruits, but he was still terribly green. Snake would never forgive himself if anything happened to him.

            “It’s dangerous to be in active duty,” Snake said, inwardly cursing when he saw Kaz’s face turn even darker than it had been before. He held up his hand to stem any rebuttals from his XO.

            “I’m sorry Kaz, but you’re just not ready to go out yet. You need more practice.”

            “I can hold my own!” he snapped.

            “Your formal training was, honestly, lackluster, and you’ve never had any real field experience.”

            Kaz frowned and rested his elbows on his desk. 

            “Well then. Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”

            “I’m giving a series of training courses to team Alpha,” Snake began slowly, thoughtfully. Kaz looked up hopefully. “It’s to train them on survival and infiltration, so they can take some of the special ops I can’t. If you train with them, I might let you out on missions with the team.”

            “So all I have to do is train and I can go out?” 

            “You have to be good,” Snake corrected. “It won’t be easy. You’ve never done anything like this in the JSDF [MD1]  .”

            Kaz straightened the papers in front of him, placing his transfer file into the “approved” pile.  

            “I accept that challenge.”

            It was much later in the evening when Snake noticed a crowd beginning to form on the command center. He wasn’t surprised to find Kaz in the center of it. The younger man had his sleeves rolled up and was unloading boxes from a supply helicopter. Snake pushed through the mass of people to make it to the boxes. He didn’t recognize any of the logos on them, and he could tell from the overall buzz that this wasn’t one of their normal supply drops.

            Kaz smiled mischievously when he saw him, seemingly over their conversation earlier that morning. He beckoned him over eagerly.

            “So what’s all this then,” Snake asked slowly. Kaz continued to smile as he pulled out a combat knife from next to his gun holster. He stuck it into the box directly in front of him, cutting the packing tape easily. The blonde then reached inside and pulled out a white mug.

            “This,” Kaz said proudly to the men around him, “This is the future of MSF.”

            Snake looked closer at the mug, and cursed. It wasn’t just a white mug. On one side was the MSF logo, and as Kaz turned it for the crowd to see, Snake could read on the other side in black letters: “I *heart* MSF.”

            Putting the mug down, Kaz opened another box, and from this one he pulled a light gray shirt. Printed clearly on the front was the MSF logo. Snake sighed and rubbed at his temples. The gathered soldiers, on the other hand, seemed excited. They happily approached the boxes and began to unpack them with Kaz. There were more shirts, buttons, patches, stickers, and pens. Snake picked one of the orange and black pens and pulled Kaz aside from the crowd. He held it up to Kaz’s nose.

            “What the hell is this?”

            “Militaires Sans Frontieres Pens. I’m going to put them in all of our offices so all the officers can match. We’ll look so spiffy.”

            Snake crooked an eyebrow and tightened his grip on the pen. 

            “How much did this cost?”

            Kaz looked at the pen carefully and knitted his eyebrows.

            “Too much. Just look at that color! That is nowhere near the shade I ordered.”

            “Now is not the time to joke, Kaz,” Snake said with a forced smile. 

            “Oh come on, lighten up, Snake!” Kaz laughed and took the pen from him. “It’s our brand! We gotta cash in! And look at how happy the men are!” 

            The soldiers digging through the boxes were laughing and smiling more than usual. One of them was gesturing at a particular shirt, giggling at the no doubt hilarious inscription on it. 

            “They’re just easily entertained.” The older man grumbled, leaning against the wall of the command tower. Kaz sighed dramatically and left, immediately laughing at something someone said the second he was away from him. Snake just crossed his arms and watched the happy going ons, attempting to show his disapproval with his glower alone. Kaz did his best to actively ignore him, but eventually the men noticed his harshly critical stare. One of them nervously approached Kaz, who nodded in an accepting way. His second in command then turned on his heel and made his way back to Snake, this time with every one watching.

            Before Snake had a chance to say anything, Kaz had grabbed his arms and forcibly pulled him into a nearby doorway and into a deserted hallway. 

            “What the Hell Kaz…”

            Snake grunted when Kaz pushed him against the now closed door and kissed him violently. It was wet and messy, and before long, Kaz pulled away to drag his teeth down Snake’s neck. 

            “Kaz…”

            The younger man sucked a mark into Snake’s neck. He moaned and let his hands fall down to his lover’s ass, grabbing it greedily as Kaz continued to kiss and lick his neck. 

            “I didn’t spend that much money you know,” Kaz whispered. Snake rolled his eyes and laughed.

            “Are you trying to manipulate me right now, Commander?”

            “Of course not, Boss,” Kaz pulled away to push his glasses off his nose and into his hair, revealing his bright blue eyes, slightly slanted and beautiful. Kaz knew that he loved his eyes. “But if you stop being mad at me, I’ll make it up to you later.”

            Snake closed his eye and leaned back against the door. 

            “Fine. I’ll let you have your silly pens.”

            “And shirts, and cups, and key chains…”

            “Really?” Snake opened his eyes to look at Kaz, who was just grinning impishly back at him. “Keychains?”

            “Shhh,” Kaz kissed him again, this time soft and sweet. “Don’t think about it too much, baby.” 

            Snake inhaled the sweet cigar smoke and savored the afterglow. Kaz was all but asleep against him, his head resting on his chest and arm slung across his waist. Snake couldn’t resist it, he just looked too cute curled up naked under the sheets; he placed his hand on Kaz’s head and petted him lightly, running his hands through his soft blonde hair. Kaz shuffled closer against him and reached up to put his hand over his, keeping it resting against his head.

            “Never knew you craved attention so much Kaz.”

            “Only from you, Boss.” The younger man turned his head to meet Snake’s eye. “Hey, um, do you mind if I stay the night?”    

           Snake’s eye widened in surprise. All of their encounters ended with them quietly cleaning up and going about their day. But business was slow, the night was late and neither of them had any other place to be. Normally, he would jump on an opportunity to possibly move their relationship further along, but he still had nightmares that disturbed his sleep. Getting the CIA out of Costa Rica and shutting down the Peace Walker project didn’t magically fix his PTSD, and honestly, he found he’d been having more attacks since that day on the lake. The last thing he wanted to do was freak Kaz out by having a panic attack in the middle of the night. 

            Kaz began to get up from where he laid, jolting Snake out of his thoughts.

            “It’s fine, really, my room is literally just right next door.”

            Snake reached out and grabbed Kaz’s arms, lightly pulling him back down and on top of him. 

            “Stay. But you can’t complain if I snore.”

            “Are you sure?” Kaz seemed a little nervous against Snake’s chest, his eyes darting around the room. “It’s not a big deal. Just a thought…”

            Snake snubbed out his cigar and leaned down to kiss Kaz. 

            “You’re tired. Go to sleep.”

            Kaz smiled and readjusted himself under the covers. Snake turned off the lights and laid down flat on one side of the mattress. He’d never actually got to this stage of a relationship before in his life. He really didn’t know what to do. Kaz wordlessly sat up again and pulled him closer. He lay down with his back to Snake’s chest and placed his arm over his waist, keeping their finger interlaced. Snake closed his eyes and shuffled even closer, nuzzling into Kaz’s neck and smelling his shampoo and the scent of sex. He could hear Kaz laugh.

            “Never thought you were a cuddler.”

            “Only for you, Kaz.”

** December 3, 1974 **

            Snake woke up like he normally did, just before the sunrise. Both he and Kaz had shifted slightly to stretch out more in their sleep. Through it all the younger man had remained attached to his arm, still draped over his waist. Currently, he was snoring lightly, not disturbed by Snake’s awakening.    

            He did his best to untangle his arm from his XO’s iron grip, but as he pulled away, Kaz groaned and began to shift. Snake left him for a second to go to the bathroom that was attached to his room, and when he came back, Kaz was up and stretching, his naked body illuminated by the warm sunlight. He smiled when he noticed Snake entering.

            “Sleep well?” 

            Snake ran his hands through his hair and tried to remember the night before. 

            “Surprisingly well actually,”

            Kaz looked at him curiously as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

            “What does that mean?”

            It was a good question. Kaz didn’t know the extent of his nightmares. He knew they existed, but didn’t know their frequency or intensity. So as far as he knew, Snake was fine. He didn’t feel like Kaz truly needed to be in the loop concerning all of his mental problems, and if he told Kaz, than he would know that the only time Snake had slept well recently was when he was curled against his lover’s back. And what did that say about him? Nothing Kaz needed to know surely. So instead of answering:

            “How about you?”

            Kaz continued to eye him suspiciously. Snake did his best to ignore him while he got dressed. 

            “Like a baby,” Kaz finally said, and sat on the bed to lace his boots. “So Boss, do you want to come to the mess hall with me?”

            “Not much of a breakfast person,” Snake admitted as he tied his eyepatch on, standing up, fully dressed.

            “I know,” Kaz, only half dressed, grabbed Snake’s hand casually. “I was just going to make you some coffee. You get so grumpy without a cup of coffee in the morning.”

            Kaz smiled, and his eyes shone with an innocence and honesty that Snake never would have thought he possessed. The pressure of his hand clasped over Snake’s own was the most comforting thing in the world. His heart jumped a little in his chest. 

            “Fine,” Snake swallowed. Kaz smiled wider and kissed his nose. Then, he turned away to finish dressing.  Snake closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He had just realized something, and it scared him.

            _I’m in love with Kaz._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry about the almost two month hiatus, it was totally unintentional. I took a break because of finals, and then during the semester break I just sort of slept and rested and [drew some things.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5489858/chapters/12683879) And then the new semester started up and all my classes were crazy and yeah....
> 
> So I hope you liked the new chapter. Things have slowed down here and I should be able to begin posting regularly again. Sorry that the chapters kinda short, but the train is moving again. That's all that matters.
> 
> *EDIT* Song: ["I'll Cover You"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufXYxKw58RA)


	11. Chapter 11

** December 10, 1974 **

            Kaz eyed the empty enemy base and took a sip from his canteen of water. He, as well as the other members of team Alpha, had been awoken early in the morning by a rather chipper Snake, who had then loaded his groggy captives into a helicopter and taken them to the shore. They then marched an hour to an abandoned village, one Kaz remembered Snake having to pass through during his last mission. There had been CIA operatives there at one point, but the village had no tactical advantage whatsoever, and they had fled at the first sign of trouble.

            “So why are we out here?” Alligator whispered as he sided up next to Kaz. “Not that I mind Boss pulling us out here or anything, but…”

            Kaz reevaluated the town. There were a lot of back alleys, perfect to hide in. CIA fences and barricades still littered the streets. It was a perfect mock urban battlefield. He smiled and turned to the younger soldier.

            “It’s a training exercise.”

            A loud screeching sound interrupted all the tiny conversations between the comrades. They looked up the street to see Snake, dressed casually in one of the new MSF work out shirts, pulling a wooden crate in front of his men. Once he reached them, he straightened up and smiled. 

            “Now that I have your attention, has anyone figured out why you’re here?”

            “A combat exercise,” Alligator spoke up, giving a quick look to Kaz.

            “Close, it’s a sneaking exercise,” Snake corrected. He turned behind him and gestured to someone in an alley. Suddenly, the small group was surrounded by armed Guerillas, and Snake was joined by Amanda. 

            “Your boss asked me and my men to participate in his little game. So we will be the guards you have to sneak past.”

            “Wait,” Kaz stepped forward and looked closer at Amanda’s gun. “Is that… a paint gun?”

            “Wouldn’t want you to get hurt, now would I?” Snake answered. “Now, Amanda’s men are going to be enemy soldiers. If they see you, they’ll raise the alarm and shoot you. If you’re shot, you’re out.”

            “Okay, so we’re in a mock mission. But what exactly are we doing, Boss?” Dove spoke up. 

            “There’s a cassette tape marked ‘IMPORTANT’ on the second floor of that building,” Snake pointed back to the largest building in the town. It was located in the center and already Kaz could see that it would be the hardest one to approach. “That’s all you know. First person who gets the cassette and meets me outside the village wins. If no one gets it, then you all lose.”

            “And what exactly do we win?” Dove crossed her arms.

            “My respect,” Snake said with a smirk. “This is really just a benchmark so I know what I’m working with. But I do hope at least one of you will succeed.”

            “Now,” Snake turned back towards the crate he dragged in, “Inside here you’ll find your gear and weapons.” 

            The older man stepped back as the rest of the soldiers swarmed the box. Kaz helped them pry the lid off, the men excitedly reaching their hands inside only to find…

            “Nothing!” Alligator exclaimed in disbelief, feeling along the bottom of the box as if to convince himself of the fact. “It’s empty!”

            “Astute observation, Alligator. You won’t get any equipment; you don’t need any to accomplish your goal.”

            “We’re going in naked then,” Kaz said, “A challenge, but one I think we can handle.”

            Snake raised his eyebrow and regarded Kaz thoughtfully. “We’ll see about that. I’ll be observing you all from the sidelines. Don’t worry; you won’t even know I’m there. Now, you have ten minutes to disappear around the perimeter. When you hear me blow this whistle, then the exercise has started.

            “So, any questions?”

            “Just one,” Kaz raised his hand. “Any time limit?”

            “Before I die of old age, Master Miller. Other than that, no; take all the time you want. And your ten minutes start… now!”

            Immediately Team Alpha scattered, each going off in a different direction around the town wall. Kaz lingered a little longer, getting a good look at the streets around the objective. Snake crossed his arms and watched him silently. The guerillas dispersed along the streets, spreading out to cover the whole area. 

            “You’re wasting time, Master,” Snake said, an eye trained to his stopwatch.

            “I’m moving,” Kaz said, turning his back to village. “I’m moving.” 

            Kaz pressed his back to the warm bricks of the nearest building. He was in a back alley, weaving his way towards his goal. Over the last hour, he’d gotten extremely close, and he almost felt like rushing ahead. However, the random shouting and sounds of discharged paintball guns steadied him. If he had counted right, all but three members of Alpha had already been eliminated. Kaz was curious to know who was still left, but he hadn’t seen anyone since the exercise had started, and he was pretty positive he wouldn’t until it was over. 

            Slowly, Kaz began making his way down the alley, his back secured to edges of the building, hunched over to make himself a smaller target. There was one guerilla patrolling the alley, but Kaz easily avoided him by ducking into a doorway until he passed. The building housing his objective proved much harder, however. More guards patrolled its perimeter, and it seemed every entrance had at least one guard always posted. 

            While Kaz was planning his entrance, the sound of shouting and gunfire erupted on the other side of the base. The men turned their heads, some of them counting on their fingers, no doubt trying to determine if this unlucky man was the last soldier left. When the shouting changed from a simple enemy spotted to an enemy missing alert, some of the guerillas left their spot to go to the action. Whoever it was who was spotted must have gotten away without being shot. This worked in Kaz’s favor. While the guards were lowered, he managed to sneak into an open window and make it to the top. 

            On the highest floor, only one room had anything in it, and that was what seemed like a central control position. The room looked out over the entire village, giving its occupant an excellent view of the day’s proceedings. Sitting at a desk situated somewhat in the middle of the room was Amanda. She held a radio in her hand, and spoke softly into it at times, no doubt coordinating her men’s movements. Through careful distractions created by knocking on the walls, Kaz tricked Amanda into leaving her post so he could take the cassette tape and make a hasty retreat.  

            Shortly after entering a back alley, Kaz ran into a Guerilla fighter. The man stared at him dumbly for a second before shouting and raising his gun. Kaz jumped on the man in the most ungraceful CQC takedown ever. In the end, however, it worked, and he managed to take the paintball gun from the other soldier. Kaz fired one brightly colored shot into the man’s vested chest.

            “Sorry kid. You’re out.”

            The man continued to stare at Kaz as he ran off with the cassette and his stolen weapon. The blonde managed to dodge his way to the wall of the village and was close to his exit when he heard the sound of men quickly approaching his position. Kaz frantically searched for a hiding spot, but the current path was devoid of any doorways to duck into again. However, tucked against the wall of the village, near the gate, was a small stack of cardboard boxes. Without a second thought, Kaz dived under the nearest one. 

            It was surprisingly roomier than Kaz had thought it would be. He could still foresee himself getting an awful cramp if he stayed in too long, so he could only hope the soldiers passed by quickly. Just as Kaz saw the guerillas enter his sight, there was a rustle behind him, and before he knew it a warm body was pressed against his.

            “Do you know how hot you look right now?”

            “Snake!”

            The older man had pressed his chest to Kaz’s back and wrapped his legs around his body, perfectly slotting them together to fit in the box. The younger man was too cramped to have the ability to turn and look at Snake, which only served to piss him off.

            “Now is really not the time to sabotage my mission!”

            Snake chuckled quietly in his ear. His face was so close to Kaz’s neck, he could feel the warmth of his breath against his skin. 

            “It’s not a real mission. It’s an exercise,” Snake slowly reached his hand between Kaz’s legs and squeezed lightly. “And anyway, I couldn’t help myself.”

            Kaz closed his eyes and cursed, automatically leaning back and finding himself trapped against Snake’s larger body. The older man began to expertly undo his pants enough to free his cock. Kaz moaned as Snake began to stroke him. The younger man opened his eyes and immediately saw through the slit of the box the guerilla’s investigating the fence. Kaz snapped out of whatever trance he was in and gripped Snake’s wrist tightly in an attempt to still his movements.

            “Snake! They’re right there! They’ll hear us!”

            Snake shook off Kaz’s hand effortlessly and continued his movements.

            “Just be quiet Kaz. They’ll never know.”

            Kaz remained tense but couldn’t help but relax as his lover continued to touch him. When it became obvious that Snake had no intention of stopping, no matter how close the guerrillas were getting, Kaz sighed and leaned fully into his embrace, accepting his fate. He felt the other man grin against his neck.

            “That’s better, isn’t it?”

            “I hate you right now,” Kaz whispered, but there was no power behind the words, and already he was fully hard. Snake began to suck and bite at Kaz’s neck and shoulders while his hand continued to tease his cock. His other hand managed to find its way under Kaz’s shirt to stroke his abs and rub at his nipples. Kaz swallowed back a groan and bit at his lip to prevent any more sounds from coming out without permission. Amanda’s men were extremely close to them. 

            _It wouldn’t be hard for them to find us_ , Kaz thought. _They just have to kick the box a little to know it’s occupied._

            The thought surprisingly didn’t scare Kaz. If anything, it made him harder. Snake seemed to notice Kaz’s increasing interest and started to move quicker, rougher. The younger man gasped as the hand holding him began to squeeze and brought him to a new level of pain and pleasure.

            The soldiers were looking over the boxes now. Kaz a hand to his mouth and bit his lip until he tasted blood. Snake didn’t seem to notice or care about anyone other than Kaz. He licked and bit at Kaz’s neck, no doubt leaving dark marks in his wake.

            The men began to move past the boxes, apparently not noticing the two men’s activities. Kaz hardly noticed, because now Snake had set a more brutal pace, intent on bringing Kaz to orgasm. The younger man surrendered to all the sensations around him, simply focusing on breathing as warmth collected in his lower belly and his pleasure began to spike. When he finally did come, it was intense. He felt it wash over every part of his body. When it was over, he fell boneless against Snake, his hair a mess and clothing stuck to his skin with sweat. 

            Snake wiped his hand against the edge of the box and crawled back out. It took all of Kaz’s strength to keep from falling over without the extra support.

            “They’re gone,” Snake stated. Kaz stood up slowly, unfolding his legs and throwing the box away. It took him a couple of tries, but he managed to tuck himself away again and make himself look presentable.  

            “What the actual fuck was that about?” Kaz hissed, still feeling a little shaky. 

            “You looked sexy in a cardboard box,” Snake smiled. Kaz remained speechless. His commander just shrugged. “You know, I still need to meet you at the road for you to win. Might wanna get on that.”

            Before Kaz could say anything, Snake snuck out the back gate and disappeared into the surrounding landscape. Kaz stared after him a moment before heading towards the main road outside the village. It was extremely unlikely that no one ended up seeing them have sex, and Kaz didn’t want to continue to test his luck.

            “You all failed, I hope you know that.”

            Team Alpha shuffled awkwardly in front of their boss. Their clothes were littered with multicolored spots. 

            “And you,” Snake turned towards Kaz, who was standing taller than the rest of them, his stolen gun across his shoulder. “You technically failed, too.”

            It took Kaz a second to register what Snake had said.

            “But… I got the tape. I completed the objectives.”

            “Yes but you killed a man to do it,” Snake said, gesturing at his weapon. “I don’t recall giving you permission to do that. Not to mention, you were terribly reckless.”

            “I was resourceful. I don’t remember you telling me I couldn’t kill anyone, anyway,” Kaz sputtered, a little angry, “And I was never reckless.”

            “You got distracted way too easily,” Snake said, “Acting like that in the field will get you killed.”

            “Acting like what…” Kaz tried to remember anything he had done wrong. When he looked up and saw Snake’s wide grin, he immediately realized what his commander was referring to.

            “Oh, you son of a bitch,” Kaz whispered. “I hate you.”

            Snake put a hand on Kaz’s shoulder and continued to smile. “I love you too, Kaz. Now come on guys, let’s hit the showers!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah it's been a while... I know... But it's here now!
> 
> Song: ["Better Than Drugs"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYS-cc8POE0) (It's not really related to the chapter, but its about sex. eh. It counts.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? An update? WHAT!!?? I actually finished writing the chapter about a month after my last update, but it was on my phone... and... well... I'm sorry for my slow updates. Not beta read, all mistakes are my own.

** December 24, 1974 **

            Snake left his room early in the morning to catch a quick smoke on the command deck before he got dragged into any of the festivities. Other than a party that night, there was nothing officially planned for Christmas Eve, but if the past was any indication, his men had a strange way of organizing their own trouble on holidays. It would undoubtedly be a busy day. He wasn’t far off.

            Snake spent most of his time helping the men pull up and decorate a Christmas tree. A large portion of the roster was there helping, mainly just socializing. Today would be far from a productive day. He found he really didn’t mind. It was Christmas Eve, and everyone loves Christmas. 

            Kaz was nowhere to be seen, most likely because he was in the Mess Hall. The entire staff was doing something in preparation, and the Mess Hall arguably had the hardest job of preparing their “Christmas Dinner.”

            By the time the sun had set, the party was in full swing. Snake spent an hour with the men at their Christmas party. After that he left for a quieter deck to smoke in solitude. Christmas was never really that special for him, and he was never comfortable with the party atmosphere anyway.

            He did like watching the lights and listening to the thump of music from afar. It really cemented in his mind what he had accomplished. He had created a safe haven, a home for soldiers. A place where anyone can be a part of a family and be welcomed. They didn't realize how lucky they were here, but they were happy, and that was enough. His gift to them. His gift to her. 

            It was good. Life was good. And probably what tied it all together was Kaz. Not only did he keep this dream from running itself into the ground, but he was a beacon, something Snake could always look forward to. They were partners, in more ways than one. Never before had he had a relationship like this, one full of respect and trust, with no spying, or lying. They were equal. 

            And he was in love.

            Snake wished now he had gotten something nicer for Kaz. The only present he had in his pocket was a piece of paper moving him to active duty in the combat team. He had more than proved himself in the last month, and if it was what he wanted, than Snake would give him the commission. He truly dreaded the thought of putting Kaz in any danger, but now he knew how Kaz felt every day he went out alone. 

            Kaz was currently busy socializing with the men, or so he was last time Snake checked. He'd have to pull the younger man aside at some point so they could have some time together. He would wait until it was later and it was socially acceptable for him and Kaz to leave the party. He'd hate for any nasty rumors to start.

            His plans were changed when he heard someone approaching him from behind. A hand touched his back, and he felt a quick kiss pressed against his neck. 

            “Huey's been telling the whole base that you still believe in Santa Claus,” Kaz said and moved next to Snake, letting him see him. He was dressed the same as normal, except for a Santa hat covering his golden hair. 

            Snake grunted and flicked his cigar ashes into the ocean. Kaz tsked next to him. He was always getting on to him how blowing cinders into the ocean was a fire hazard, how the wind could blow it back and how fire was the greatest threat to anything on the sea. So Snake only did it around Kaz now. Just to mess with him.

            “And you don't, Kaz?”

            “Santa really didn't come to my house as a kid. Never had a real reason to believe.”

            Snake glanced at Kaz. His face seemed a little distant, his skin flushed with alcohol, although he didn't seem very drunk.

            “You really believe in a fat man in the sky?”

            Snake smiled.

            “We all have our quirks. Don't you believe in something weird? Anything at all?” 

            “When I was little I believed in love at first sight. Not quite the same, I guess.”

            “Really, Kaz,” Snake raised an eyebrow. “I never pegged you for a romantic.”

            “Boss, our first date was on the beach. We were going to watch the sunset. How much more romantic can a guy be?”

            “I’ll give you that,” Snake admitted. 

            “Hey Snake, do you think it's possible for us to get away for a while?”

            “Won't the men talk, Kaz?” 

            “I don't really care,” Kaz pulled at his hand, bringing him away from the railing. “It’s Christmas. Let’s treat ourselves.” 

\---

            They went to Snake’s room, which in the last month had become their room. Snake took his time stripping Kaz, worshipping the exposed skin. Since he had started training with Team Alpha, Kaz had lost almost any body fat that was left on him; it was replaced with muscle, his skin pulled taut over a chiseled chest. 

            Snake pressed Kaz into the mattress and kissed him. He opened his mouth and their tongues collided in the lazy dance that they had become accustomed to. Over time they had learned what the other liked and had gotten their kissing down to a science. It didn't make it old or tired, surprisingly, it just made it better. When Kaz licked into his mouth in just that way, it always felt great. Snake never got tired of the way Kaz groaned when he bit into his lower lip. 

            While they kissed, Kaz began pulling off his shirt, scratching his nails down Snakes bare back. His hands dragged lower and dipped into his pants, fingers cupping his ass cheeks and squeezing. 

            “I was thinking, Snake, maybe we could do something a little different.”

            Kaz’s fingers continued to explore his ass. Snake swallowed thickly as they seemed to move more inward, and he impulsively attempted to move away. It's not that he was close minded or anything, he just never felt comfortable giving that much control over to someone else. He had a bad habit of letting people take advantage of him, and that paranoia had seemed to transfer into his sex life.

            “I'm not actually too comfortable with the whole… Um…”

            Kaz pulled his hands back and began pulling off Snake’s pants. He let him, but continued to watch him closely, waiting for a response. 

            “Nothing like that,” Kaz said as he pushed Snake off of him. He hooked a leg around the older man’s hip and flipped them so Kaz was on top. “Just a little change of scenery, huh?”

            Kaz rocked his hips against Snake, creating friction between the rubbing fabric of their boxers. Snake groaned and leaned back, closing his eyes and wrapping his hands around Kaz’s hips. 

            Kaz slowed his movements and crawled down snake’s body and kneeled between his legs. He placed a sloppy kiss against his clothed dick. 

            “I think I could get used to this,” Snake said softly. He could feel Kaz’s responding smile against his skin. 

            Kaz finally worked his boxers off, the air feeling cold against his erection. Snake opened his eyes in time to see Kaz’s mouth wrap around his cock. Kaz hummed and Snake leaned back again at the pleasure the simple sensation brought. 

            As Kaz began to work his dick, Snake leaned back into his mattress and relaxed, letting the feelings overwhelm him. His partner placed a hand against his hips to preemptively stop him from moving. 

            Snake wondered how many men Kaz has been with to be so good at this. He never bothered to hide is promiscuity, although while his cock was buried his mouth, it was hard to bring himself to care. Kaz's past didn't matter, why mattered was the he was with him now.

            Kaz moaned around his cock and Snake looked up. The younger man was often vocal during sex, but he seemed louder than a man should be just sucking cock. The reason was clear; Kaz’s right hand had left his hip and was now buried beneath his thighs. He was preparing himself while he was doing this.

            Snake felt himself grow to full hardness in Kaz’s mouth at the thought. Kaz laughed and pulled himself back up, kissing Snake as he did. The younger man positioned his hips above Snake and began to bear down slowly. 

            He moaned at the heat and tightness that enveloped him. Kaz’s head was thrown back and his eyebrows knit in concentration as he slowly lowered himself down. Snake wanted to thrust upwards into him, but he remained still, giving his partner complete control over the situation. 

            They were both already breathing heavy by the time Kaz was fully seated on Snake’s cock. Snake let his hands run up and down Kaz’s torso lovingly while the younger man adjusted to his size. After a few moments Kaz braced his knees on the bed, and slowly lifted himself up, and slowly being himself down again. Snake let his hands fall away as Kaz began to set a torturously slow pace of moving up and down. 

            Snake could feel pressure building low in his belly, but it was clear Kaz had no intention of speeding up anytime soon. The younger man was taking his time, changing angles slightly until he found one he liked, his body shuddering around Snake’s cock as it brushed against his prostate. 

            Kaz continued at the pace, moving at a speed pleasurable for himself, and Snake felt himself began to get more and more sensitized as he slowly built towards his own climax. 

            Kaz began to pepper kisses down Snake’s neck, with just enough pressure to not be ticklish. When Kaz moved up to Snake’s face, he captured the younger man’s mouth for a deeper kiss, full of tongue and a hint of teeth.  Kaz began to speed up while they kissed, slowly at first, but he was panting by the time pulled away. 

            Snake definitely knew his orgasm was drawing near. He couldn't stop his hands from grabbing Kaz’s hips and pulling him down alongside every downward thrust. Kaz began to moan as Snake began to thrust upwards too, both of them falling into a brutal pace.

            All the pressure that had built up exploded suddenly, and Snake's orgasm crashed over him, almost unexpected. Kaz wrapped a hand around his own cock and followed soon after, his noises lost to Snake’s pleasure addled brain. 

            The both stayed exactly where the finished for a while, Snake still buried inside of Kaz. Kaz kissed him one more time before pulling off, both of them wincing at the movement. The younger man gave him a light kiss before collapsing in bed, curled up around him. 

            “Merry Christmas.”

**??? **

            Snake wakes suddenly, gasping for air and confused. It takes a minute for him to recognize his surroundings. He's in a torture room, in Russia. He’s not bound in anyway, but his gear has been taken from him. He has no radio either. 

            Snake stands, a little shaky on his feet. He has to get out of here. He knows what happens in this room, and there is no way that he was going to stay long enough for it to start. There is one door, but it is locked. He throws his weight in the door, his panic building in waves that threaten to drown him. Suddenly, it became hard for him to breathe. The lights begin to dim, and he hears footsteps. 

            “Here Snake, let me,” another man pushes Snake away from the door. He sees a flash of blonde hair, and when the man turns to face Snake he sees dark glasses and a toothy grin. “I can unlock the door.”

            “Kaz?” Snake knows something is off. Kaz was never in Russia, right? However, the man is in front of him is deftly working at the lock, and Snake is too relieved that someone is helping him out to think about it too much. 

            “I’ve got it Snake,” Kaz pushes the door open, “Come on, we gotta get out of here.”

            Kaz takes one step through the door before he is pushed back in. The lights dim and the air crackles with the sound of electricity. Volgin, large and imposing, enters the room. His scars seem grotesquely large, and his eyes burn with hatred.

            Snake feels himself shrink in fear, his muscles locking up.

            Volgin doesn’t speak, but instead looks critically between the two of them. Sparks jump between his fingertips, and his bright blue eyes snap to Kaz. His brings up his hand and points at the younger man, who raises his arm to cover his head, as if it could protect him. Snake opened his mouth to shout, but to his dismay, nothing came out. 

            Volgin grabs Kaz and the room turns bright blue as electricity begins to be pumped into his partner. Screams echoed around the room, and Snake wants nothing more than to stop it. He tried to speak again, but Volgin just laughed. He sucked in a larger breath and shouted this time.

** December 25, 1974 **

            “Please, stop!”

            Snake was surprised to discover that he actually spoke, but upon looking around, he discovered that he wasn't in Russia anymore. Wherever he was, it was dark, and he couldn't breathe for the panic that was still in his chest. 

            His hands fumbled at the bedside table, flipping on the lamp with some difficulty. He was in mother base, in bed. It wasn’t real. He still felt like Volgin might kick the door down any second. 

            “Snake?” 

            Kaz sat up next to him, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

            “What's wrong?”

            Snake let himself stare at Kaz for a long time, confirming in his mind that he was alright. But he could still hear the ghost of a scream in his ears, and the air seemed too thick and everything was just… Off. 

            Then he realized, more importantly, he had a nightmare. And Kaz had seen it. 

            “Shit,” Snake muttered, rubbing at his eyes with still shaking hands. A cold sweat had broken out over his skin. 

            Kaz didn't say anything, but his blue eyes were filled with concern. 

            “Shit,” Snake repeated blearily. He kicked the light covers off his body and slid his legs onto the floor. He stood up and stumbled away from the bed and into the connected private bathroom. He banged his knee on something in the dark before his bumped into the sink. He turned the faucet on, just cold water, and splashed it onto his face. The remaining confusion of the nightmare washed away with the water. 

            He looked up in the mirror and could just barely see Kaz standing in the bathroom doorway, swaying in the threshold as if he wasn't sure if it was better to come in or stay out. 

            “Go back to bed, Kaz,” Snake said, as confidently as he possibly could in the situation. “I’ll be there in a moment.” 

            Kaz looked back at the bed, and then took a step closer to Snake.

            “Do you, umm, want to talk about it?” 

            Snake pressed his head against the mirror, the cool feel of glass helping to calm him down more. 

            “Just go back to bed.” 

            Kaz took a few more nervous steps forward, and then came all the way in and wrapped his arms around Snake from behind. When he made no obvious attempt to push him off, Kaz pressed his head against Snake’s broad back. 

            “Why did you say that?” Kaz asked in a whisper. Snake sighed and interlocked his hands with Kaz’s. 

            “Say what?” 

            “You said ‘stop.’ You… Umm, you sounded like you were begging.”

            “You woke up before me, didn't you?”

            He could feel Kaz nod against his back.

            “You were tossing around. I was only up for a minute before you.”

            Neither of them said anything for a moment.

            “You were in it…” Snake said slowly, quietly. “I was in Russia, and you were there and…”

            Kaz pressed a kiss against a scar on Snake’s back.

            “It's over now.”

            “I know.” Snake lifted his head from the mirror. He hated how tired he sounded. “Go back to bed.” 

            Surprisingly, Kaz compiled. 

            Snake joined him a few minutes. Kaz immediately wrapped him in a tight embrace once he got under the covers. Snake let him. 

\---

            They exchanged gifts that morning before they left for the bigger celebration. Kaz seemed pleasantly surprised by the reassignment. Snake's gift was a cassette tape, one that Kaz seemed almost embarrassed to give, so much so that Kaz asked he not listen to it till he was alone. 

            They did not mention what happened last night.

            All of the men were exchanging gifts in the dining hall. Everyone seemed to have something to give to Snake. He accepted it all graciously, though honestly he was embarrassed by all the attention. 

            A couple of women gave Kaz little presents, passed over with a wink and a smile. Snake watched it all with a disapproving gaze. Kaz just laughed when he brought it up later that day. 

            Aside from that it was a nice Christmas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this story, I planned for week updates. That died in a fire. My updates are slow, I can't do anything about that really, but hope that the content is worth the wait. I love you guys for being patient, and I hope you know that I will probably never abandon this fic. I may be like, 80 years old when it's done, but I'll finish it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.

** December 31, 1974 **

            Kaz exited the cafeteria with Cecile, both of them carrying enough alcohol to last for the rest of the night. None of the men at MSF were really heavy drinkers, but it was New Year’s Eve, and they did like to party. Most of the soldiers had bunkered down in the mess hall since it was storming outside. Team Alpha had tucked themselves away in a smaller common room. They had only recently gotten back from an outer ops mission and wished for a quieter place to celebrate. Snake, Kaz, Whale, and some of the medical team had joined them.

            Kaz and Cecile entered the room to a small cheer from the members of team Alpha. The common room was a more recent addition to the base. It consisted of a couple of couches and tables. Alligator, who had recently been named “leader” of Alpha, had his leg, recently casted, propped on top of a coffee table. It was not broken, thankfully, just a bad sprain. Kaz and Cecile unloaded their bounty onto the coffee table. Alligator eagerly grabbed a bottle to examine it closer, only to have Whale pull it from his hand.

            “Sorry kid. Not with those painkillers.”

            “Doc, you’re just no fun,” Alligator pouted. Whale smiled and began pouring shots in lieu of a response. 

            The entire room had broken into groups of quiet conversation. Snake was seated with Dove and the newest member of Team Alpha, Gazelle. The two women seemed enraptured with him, so instead of interrupting them, Kaz sat across from Alligator and Whale. Cecile had made room for herself by sitting in Whale’s lap. Kaz raised an eyebrow.

            “I thought you and Swan were dating?”

            Cecile frowned at the question, and Whale took a shot before answering.

            “’Were’ is the key word. Let’s just say she has commitment issues.”

            “ _C’est une pute_ ,” Cecile mumbled.

            “Language, Cecile,” Kaz chuckled. “You shouldn’t talk about someone while they’re in the same room.”

            Swan was indeed with them in the common room; however she was currently hooked on the arm of Armadillo, her new boyfriend. Kaz knew she wasn’t listening to them, and doubted she spoke French, but there was still no reason to start drama.  

            Cecile giggled at Kaz. Whale pulled her in for a quick kiss. Kaz glanced back towards Snake, who was now listening to Dove. He wondered what it would be like for him and Snake to be like that, to be so affectionate in public. They’d never discussed it before, but he supposed keeping their relationship a secret, at least officially, made sense. Kaz wasn’t stupid; he knew a lot of the soldiers at MSF wouldn’t like having gay commanders. Which also brought up the fact that Snake was technically his commander. In any military organization, their partnership would be frowned on, regardless of gender. Still, Kaz wished for the ease that Whale had when he held Cecile. He took another shot.

            “So Alligator,” Kaz looked back the younger man, “Do you really not have a girlfriend yet?” 

            Alligator laughed.

            “Nope, I’m pretty sure I’m fated to die alone.” 

            “Now that’s no way to talk,” Whale responded.

            “I’m sure you’ll make someone happy one day,” Cecile added. 

            “What about Gazelle? She’s single.”

            Whale shook his head sadly.

            “She’s been hanging out with Dove since her new commission. She’s probably already been turned gay.”

            “You can’t turn people gay, Whale.”

            The doctor just shrugged. Kaz stood up, a plan forming in his mind. 

            “I’ll tell Gazelle you’re looking for her.”

            “Wait, commander,” Alligator attempted to stop him, but fell back on the couch when he moved his injured ankle. 

            Kaz left them and headed to Snake and the two women. They both had their balaclavas off. Gazelle was young with curly red hair to her shoulders. Dove kept her dark hair short, preferring utility over looks.

            “Hey Gazelle, Alligator was asking about you,” Kaz said.

            Gazelle cast a worried glance over to the Alpha squad leader.

            “Is it about the mission? Is he mad at me?”

            “Nothing like that. He just wants to talk to you.”

            Gazelle nodded. She stood up from the couch, freeing the space next to Snake. 

            “I’ll go see what he wants.”

            Kaz slipped into the now empty spot as Gazelle walked off. Alligator seemed nervous as she approached, but Whale poured her a shot and offered her a seat, effectively forcing the two next to each other.

            “Commander, are you playing match maker?” Dove asked with a smirk.

            “No, never. I’m just setting things in motion.”

            Dove laughed. She reclined in her chair and continued her conversation with Snake, which Kaz now knew was about stealth tactics. Snake always had problems separating himself from his work, Kaz supposed.

            While the two talked, Kaz discreetly attempted to link his and Snake’s hands. Snake pulled his hand away before Kaz could succeed, however. Put off, Kaz instead downed another shot. 

            After a few minutes of quiet conversation, Dove stood up.

            “I’m going to see what sort of dumb shit Armadillo is up too.”

            Snake nodded and waved her off. After she left, Kaz leaned in closer.

            “Well, Snake, looks like we’re finally alone.”

            “No thanks to you Kaz. You didn’t need to send both of them away.”

            “Dove left on her own,” Kaz responded, “besides, Alligator needs to talk to more women. It’ll do him good.”

            “Dove left because you were trying to get closer to me. It was pretty obvious,” Snake said quietly. “There are a lot of people around, Kaz. You should be more careful.”

            “None of them will notice,” Kaz murmured, but was pushed away again. Before he could respond, the room behind them interrupted in loud cheering as Whale began to count down.

              “Ten… nine… eight…” the others joined in, and so did Kaz. When they reached one, the room erupted into applause. Whale kissed Cecile, and across the room, Armadillo and Swan were not so subtly making out. Kaz glanced at Snake, who was decidedly not looking his way. 

            When the cheers died down, Snake stood up.

            “I’d better make sure that no one destroyed any furniture,” he said as he opened the door.

            Kaz sighed.

            “Happy New Year to you too, boss.”

** January 1, 1975 **

            Kaz entered the medical bay, closing the door softly behind him. He was glad he wore sunglasses; otherwise the harsh light would be upsetting his hangover more than it already was. He walked to the counter, glancing at the bottles of pills stacked behind it. He started to reach for one before a loud voice interrupted him.

            “Good morning commander. Did you sleep well?”

            Kaz winced at the volume and turned around to see Whale holding out pills.

            “Ibuprofen?” he offered. Kaz grabbed the pills from his hand and swallowed them dry. 

            “You don’t have to be so loud after a party, Whale.”

            “You shouldn’t drink so much then,” he replied, moving around Kaz and behind the counter. “So how was your night?”

            “Pretty terrible,” Kaz mumbled. “I don’t remember most of it.”

            “Yeah, I figured you were pretty far gone when I saw you kissing Swan.”

            “Wait, what?” Kaz snapped to attention, “I kissed Swan?”

            “If it makes you feel any better, Armadillo was out cold so I don’t think he saw you,” Whale laughed. “We all do stupid shit when we get drunk.”

            Kaz tried to remember being with Swan, but he couldn’t. His memory got foggy around the time Snake had left. He hadn’t meant to do anything with Swan, or any other member of MSF for that matter. There was a time Kaz would hook up during base parties, but that was well before he and Snake had become a couple.

            “Did Snake see me?” Kaz asked worriedly.

            “The boss?” Whale looked confused, “I can’t remember if he was there or not. Why would he care?”

            Kaz groaned and rubbed his temples. Snake could be cold and quiet at times, and he had seemed even more so last night. Seeing him kiss someone else, albeit drunkenly, might make him even more distant. Although, it was possible that Snake wouldn’t care at all. Their relationship had never actually been defined. 

            “Is there something going on between you two? He was asking some weird questions the other day.”

            “What kind of questions?”

            “General health stuff: medical history, general fitness, sexual partners, stuff like that.” 

            “Why would he ask about my sex life?” Kaz mumbled.

            “I mean I didn’t tell him anything.Patient/doctor confidentiality and all that.”

            “He wanted to know if I had any other partners…” Kaz mused.

            Whale raised an eyebrow. 

            “… Other partners?” 

            Kaz felt himself begin to blush. He tried to stutter out an answer, but Whale cut him off.

            “Are you and the boss together? Like romantically together?”

            Kaz nervously brushed his fingers through his hair. Of course he would out himself.

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            Whale nodded, looking thoughtful.

            “So, Alligator owes me fifty bucks then.”

            “What!” Kaz yelled. “You guys are betting on us? Does everybody know?”

            “I’m not saying everyone knows, but everyone _knows_.”

            “Oh God,” Kaz groaned. “So Snake thinks I’m cheating and the entire base knows we’re fucking.”      

            “They don’t _know_ , technically, though if we talk too loud all my nurses will know,” Whale corrected. “Why does the boss think you’re cheating?”

            “I tend to be a serial flirt,” Kaz sighed, “and Swan and I last night definitely didn’t help things.” 

            “Well, I’m a doctor not a relationship counselor, but I think talking helps,” Whale said with a smile. “I wouldn’t worry about last night too much. Everyone but me and Alligator were pretty drunk.”

            “We never get time to talk,” Kaz started. “But when we’re together it just sorta…”

            “Yeah commander, I may be your doctor, but I don’t want to know any details,” Whale interrupted. “You and the boss are adults. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

            “Maybe,” Kaz sighed, “Thanks for the painkillers, doc.”

            Kaz turned to leave the medical bay.

            “Hey wait a second, commander.”

            Kaz turned around to see a folded pamphlet being tossed at him. He managed to catch it before it hit the ground. Its cover featured a smiling a cartoon couple looking at each other.

            “Safety first,” Whale smiled. 

            Kaz crumpled the safe sex pamphlet in his hand.

            “Very funny, Whale.”

** January 8, 1975 **

            Not long after New Year’s, Kaz got to experience his first real mission with team Alpha. It was a rather simple mission, and Kaz went to mainly replace Alligator, who was still barred from any physical activity. The mission had been a resounding success with no causalities. Now a transport helicopter was bringing them back to Mother Base, and Kaz was a little bit nervous.

            Kaz hadn’t really talked to Snake since the New Year’s party, but he felt that he needed to, now. The mission had given him time away from the base and let him think. He truly loved Snake and needed to know if that was reciprocated. He also didn’t like how Snake tried to hide their relationship in public. Most of the men already assumed, so Kaz didn’t really see the point of keeping it a secret anymore.

            Gazelle moved to sit next to Kaz. She tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

            “Commander, do you think I did a good job on this mission?”

            Kaz pulled himself out of his thoughts. All of team Alpha had dozed off during the helicopter ride, the only ones awake where him and Gazelle.

            “Yeah, you did fine. Snake wouldn’t put you on Alpha if he didn’t think you deserved it.”

            Gazelle smiled at that.

            “Maybe you could show me some pointers. You know, one on one?”

            Gazelle looked up at Kaz and slid a hand on his thigh. Kaz looked back and smiled while removing the hand.

            “Maybe. Alligator, or anyone else from Alpha, could help you too, you know.”

            Gazelle frowned. She got up to leave, giving a weak smile to Kaz as she did.

            “We’ll see.”

            Their pilot shouted before Kaz could respond.. 

            “Hey guys, we’re landing!”

            Kaz stood up, one hand on the seat to keep him steady. Around him the team began groggily moving and getting up. Kaz threw open the side door of the helicopter to reveal Mother Base. It was still dark outside and the light coming from the windows of the struts reflected in the water. It was nice to be home.

            The helicopter lowered, and Kaz jumped off right before it touched down. Kaz made a habit of greeting Snake whenever he came back from operations. However, after a quick check, the helipad proved to be empty. Which meant Snake didn’t care to meet him. Kaz sighed and rubbed his eyes. 

            “Hey, Commander, why do you wear sunglasses at night?” Dove asked as she came up beside him. The other members of Team Alpha were all leaving the helipad. Gazelle gave him a smile and a wave. Kaz just shook his head.

            “They make me look cool.”

            “Mmhm.” Dove sounded disinterested. “Why did you turn down Gazelle? I remember a time when Master Miller was my only competition.”

            “You saw that?”

            “Yeah, I’m a light sleeper. Talking tends to wake me. And she wasn’t being subtle.”

            “I guess I’m just too busy right now. You can have her.”

            Dove laughed at that.

            “Come on boss, I can’t turn women gay. And she loves dick,” Dove paused before continuing. “You know, I’ve heard that you happen to like dick, too.”

            Kaz sighed dramatically.

            “Did Whale tell you?”

            “No I heard about you and Boss from Alligator,” Dove smiled. “But Whale did tell Alligator.”

            “Well, looks like I have to kill Whale now.”

            “Don’t be so serious. We all knew anyway. Anyway, I think loverboy wants to talk to you.”

            “What?” Kaz looked away from Swan to see Snake waiting at the edge of the helipad. He must have come up sometime after they landed. Kaz felt his stomach drop. He would get his chance to talk tonight, after all.

            Dove looked between the two of them.

            “So yeah I’ll leave you to that.”

            Kaz approached Snake slowly. He looked more disheveled than he usually did.  He also seemed a bit embarrassed.

            “I’m sorry; I forgot you were coming back today,” he said in way of greeting. His voice was low and quiet, and Kaz realized that he had only recently gotten out of bed. 

            “I told you we’d be back early,” Kaz smiled.

            There was a brief silence between. 

            “I finally listened to that tape you gave me.”

            Kaz was confused for a second, before remembering the gift he had given Snake for Christmas. It was the song he had written, “Love Deterrence.”   

            “Oh yeah,” Kaz blushed, “I’m not much of a singer, Paz is going to sing it for Peace Day…”

            “You wrote that for me,” Snake cut him off. The pilot and team Alpha had left long ago, and it was still far too early for anyone else to be up. They were alone together.

            “Yeah,” Kaz said nervously, “I meant it, too.”

            Silence fell again. The only sound that could be heard was the rush of waves against the support beams. 

            Snake reached out and placed a hand at the back of Kaz’s neck. He pulled him in until they pressed together. Snake leaned in for a kiss, and Kaz met him halfway. It started chaste, but soon Kaz opened his mouth, nipping at his lips and deepening the kiss. It felt so right, and Kaz wondered why he ever doubted Snake before.

            Snake pulled away only to bury his face in the crook of his neck. 

            “I’ve never been this close to anyone,” He mumbled into Kaz. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

            “I know,” Kaz whispered, “I love you.”

            “I love you too,” Snake said as he embraced Kaz again. 

            They left the helipad to go back to Snake’s quarters. Kaz was tired from his mission, but it didn’t stop him from worshipping every part of Snake when they were finally behind closed doors. 

            Snake trailed kisses down Kaz’s body while the younger man held on to any part of Snake he could reach. It was different, somehow, now that everything was out. Snake held Kaz in a way that was more tender, more loving than anything he’d ever experienced before. Kaz, for his part, couldn’t stop touching Snake. He wanted to be with this man forever. He didn’t want the moment to end. 

            They fell asleep curled together as the sun rose over the base. It was the first time that Kaz felt at home.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. I had intended to abandon this fic, however, I kept getting comments and kudos and eventually I decided that I should finish what I start. So I actually have a detailed outline, I know how long the finished product will be, and I have a real chapter buffer! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy it and I'm sorry for the wait.


	14. Chapter 14

** February 10, 1975 **

            Snake looked over the ocean, clenching his shaking hands until he calmed down. Paz, or whatever her real name was, was gone. Patrols had combed the water around the base for her to no avail. Strangelove and Huey were repairing ZEKE, and Snake was focusing on breathing.

            It had been a day since Paz had stolen ZEKE and Kaz had admitted to working with Cipher. Snake still wasn’t sure how to respond. Anger seemed the most logical, but  right now, he just felt betrayed. It was hard to think of how much he trusted Kaz, how close he had let himself get to him. It was bound to happen eventually, he supposed. Everybody used him, even Kaz.

            It was even harder still trying to define their relationship. The last month together had been perfect. He’d never been happier. But now…

            Should he forgive Kaz? Even if he did, Snake knew he’d never be able to fully trust him again. There was a reason Snake avoided Zero, and Kaz had all but brought him to their home. It was too big. The thought of cutting Kaz out of his life hurt, but not as much as keeping him in.

            Snake pushed himself way from the railing he had previously been leaning on. Before he could leave he felt a hand settle on his shoulder. It was Kaz.

            “Snake, can we talk?”

            Snake pulled away from the younger man, ignoring the brief look of disappointment that flashed over his face.

            “There isn’t much to say.”

            “Don’t be like that,” the desperate tone tone of Kaz’s voice changed to anger. That was an emotion Snake could deal with. “You know I had my reasons. If you just looked at things from my perspective…”

            “There’s not any situation where lying about something this big was ever acceptable.”

            “I didn’t know exactly what Paz and Galvez were planning. If I did, do you really think I would have let it happen?”

            Snake knew Kaz wouldn’t have. Snake knew that Kaz had never intended to really hurt him, or anyone else. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

            “If you hadn’t lied to me, none of this would’ve happened in the first place. It’s as simple as that.”

            “If I hadn’t made that deal, we’d still be drowning in Columbia,” Kaz hissed, standing a bit taller. “This entire base is ours because of what I did.”

            Snake took a step closer, causing Kaz to falter. 

            “This base is built on lies. I’d rather be broke in Columbia than here.”

            “I built all of this myself. I make it work, I keep it running,” Kaz’s voice rose with each word. “This ‘heaven’ would fall apart if it wasn’t for me!”

            The younger man took a large step towards Snake, until they were just inches away. When he spoke his voice was quiet.

            “I will die for this base. I would die for _you_ , Boss. I did it all for you.”

            Snake could feel the warmth from Kaz’s body. The desperation was back, a silent question. Kaz wanted forgiveness. Snake just couldn’t give it. He backed away from him, feeling cold as he did so.

            “You’re still my second Kaz. But we’re through.”

             Kaz seemed smaller as he backed away.

            “What do you mean?”

            “You said you’d stay with me, prove it. You’re right; this place would fall apart without you. You can run MSF by my side,” Snake could hear the finality in his own voice, “But we’re over. I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you.”

            “Snake, let’s talk about this, please,” Kaz’s voice wavered. “I love you.”

            “We did. Goodnight Kaz.” 

** February 14, 1975 **

            Valentine’s Day wasn’t really celebrated on MSF like the other holidays. To start off, the men far outnumbered the women, making a holiday about love a moot point. Also, this year, Kaz hadn’t planned a party.

            When MSF was still young, the men would take any excuse to forgo work for play, and Kaz had spearheaded the planning for all of it. At the very least, he, as commander, had to approve of it before the men were allowed to actually do anything. On top of that, Kaz liked to party as much as the average soldier, making him more involved than he had to be. In years prior, Valentine’s Day had been an “observed” holiday. But this year, from what Snake overheard, Kaz had vetoed the idea of a base-wide celebration.

            Snake knew Kaz wasn’t doing anything on Valentine’s Day because of him. In fact, Kaz was apparently so adamant that he avoid Snake today that he was off base running a training exercise with Team Bravo. His official memo was that Snake had spent too much time working with Alpha and that Bravo had gotten rusty. Everyone knew it was just an excuse to get off base.

            And apparently, everyone meant _everyone_.

            Since Snake had broken up with Kaz, many soldiers had approached asking after the two of them. Everyone at the base felt the rift between their commanders, even those who didn’t know them personally. It was affecting morale, which was something Snake hadn’t expected. He’d have to talk to Kaz about it… 

            Except Kaz still refused to talk to him. At all. Which made figuring out problems like this much harder.   

            Snake entered the shooting range, hoping to get his mind off Kaz. When he saw Dove waving at him from inside, it became clear that would not be the case. He still grabbed gear anyway, trying to ignore the way Dove smiled at him. 

            He chose a booth away from the woman, so Dove moved to the one next to him.

            “Happy Valentine’s day, Boss.”

            Snake glanced at her. She was dressed casually in a tank top and sweats, ear muffs and safety glasses secured in place. Snake didn’t bother with the safety equipment in the firing range most of the time, but Dove, apparently, cared about her hearing. 

            “Dove. Shouldn’t you be somewhere?”

            “Not really,” she shrugged, “Strangelove and Huey are a thing now. She was the only other lesbian on the base, so it looks like I’m spending Valentine’s Day alone.”

            Snake grunted and began loading his gun. Dove didn’t leave.

            “Where’s the rest of Alpha?” Snake asked.

            “Most of them are off chasing skirts. Or getting drunk. I know Alligator is with Gazelle.”

            Snake aimed, taking stance.

            “Poor Alligator,” Dove continued, “he doesn’t see that Gazelle is head over heels for the commander.”

            She emphasized the title, watching for Snake’s reaction.  Snake fired into a target, nailing it in the chest. 

            “Good thing for her, I heard the commander is on the market now.”

            Snake fired, this time a heart shot.

            “Although, I have also heard that the commander’s been offering ‘private lessons’ to Dolphin, so maybe Gazelle really is out of luck.”

            Snake cursed as his bullet missed, just inches off the headshot. He angrily turned to Dove, who was smiling a knowing smile.

            “Do you have anything _important_ to say, soldier?”

            “I’m not really the one to give relationship advice…”

            “Then don’t,” Snake growled, leaning down to get into Dove’s face. “I don’t recall asking you about it.”

            Dove took a surprised step back, a flash of fear on her face. Snake instantly regretted being so aggressive.

            “You need to do something about the commander, is all. He’s not acting like himself. He’s been drinking more, and he doesn’t talk. I’m worried about him”

            “It’s not my problem.”

            At that, Dove fell quiet. When it became obvious she had nothing more to say, Snake turned around and continued practicing. He was still firing when Dove left, her exit accented by a loud slam of the door. He didn’t stop for a while later.

** February 24, 1975 **

            Snake sat in his rarely used office. He hated it, not because paper work wasn’t his favorite thing to do, but because Kaz had designed it. Everything from the pencils, to the books, and the bookshelf they were in, Kaz picked it all out for him. The desk and folders were full of sticky notes, little reminders for him, once again written by Kaz. However, they had been written in a time when they had still talked, and Snake hated them for that. He balled one of the offending notes up and threw it away.

            Sitting across from him was Gazelle. She had insisted she needed to speak with him, one on one. Team Alpha was supposed to ship out yesterday, but Armadillo had slipped and broke his leg. So until Snake found someone else to replace him, Gazelle and the rest of Alpha were grounded. 

            “What’s on your mind Gazelle?”

            “It’s about Commander Miller, sir.”

            That’s a name Snake could go without hearing. Dove still hadn’t spoken with him at all since he snapped at her two weeks ago. Kaz had been causing other problems around base too, it seemed.

            “Do you remember, on Valentine’s Day? When he took Bravo off base? I heard he did it so he could get Elephant alone, you know?”

            Snake sighed. He’d caught rumors of that too, from the mouths of Bravo. Apparently the two had disappeared together for a rather longtime.

            “Miller’s private life is his own. Although I don’t approve of him using drilling as a way to woo women, he can do it.”

            “Yeah but that’s not the problem. See, he took her off base so Dolphin wouldn’t find out.”

            “Miller is with Elephant and Dolphin?”

            “He was, anyway. We girls like to hang out together, so they found out eventually. They’re really close friends though, and neither was too serious about him so they didn’t mind.”

            Snake nodded.

            “Miller’s behavior could cause conflict. I’ll talk to him about it.”

            “That’s the thing, it already has created problems.”

            “I thought you said Elephant and Dolphin were over it?” 

            “Armadillo’s not.”

            Snake looked at Gazelle, confused.

            “Kaz had sex with Armadillo?”

            Gazelle looked scandalized at the thought.

            “No! He was with Swan, Armadillo’s girlfriend. And Armadillo walked in on them.”

            Snake had an inkling of where this story was headed.

            “Go on.”

            “Armadillo attacked the Commander. The Commander knocked Armadillo down; I don’t think he meant to hurt him.”

            Snake didn’t actually talk to Armadillo after the accident. It was Whale who said that he had fallen. The doctor would have been able to tell if it had been an accident or not. Before Snake did anything to Kaz, he should check with him first.

            “I’ll deal with it,” he mumbled to Gazelle.

<><><> 

            The nurse who greeted him once he entered Medical wasn’t Swan, which was strange. She normally checked people in and out of the infirmary. When asked about it, the nurse said she called in sick, although he wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. When Snake asked Whale, he knew.

            “She feels bad about Armadillo, so she’s taken some time off.”

            Snake tilted his head.

            “If she was worried about him, wouldn’t she want to come to work to check on him?”

            “That’s what she told me, anyway,” Whale smiled. “What can I do for you, boss?”

            “How did Armadillo break his leg?”

            “He slipped and fell in the sauna,” Whale responded, not missing a beat, “With all the condensation I hear it can get pretty slippery.”

            Snake watched him. The doctor maintained eye contact; it wasn’t clear if he was lying or not. Snake had a hunch he was.

            “Why are you covering for Kaz?”

            Whale looked thoughtfully at him, as if unsure what to say. He eventually sighed and leaned against the door frame he had been standing in.

            “For what it’s worth, Boss, he didn’t mean to do it.”

            “Have sex with Swan or break Armadillo’s leg?”

            Whale shrugged.

            “Both? He was absolutely hammered when he came in here. He was so worried you’d find out what happened, so I lied for him. Managed to convince Armadillo to go with the lie, too. He was embarrassed at being taken out by a man half his size, I think.” 

            “I really don’t like people lying to me, Whale.”

            The doctor looked at him sharply.

            “And I don’t like cleaning up after Miller whenever he comes crashing in here drunk off his ass. But someone has to, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be you.”

            “Why does everyone blame me for Kaz’s behavior? He makes his own bad decisions,” Snake growled, frustrated. Dove and Whale had the nerve to think that this was his fault?

            “Well, he wasn’t acting like this when he was with you. He’s going to run himself into the ground pretty soon if you don’t do something.”

            “Why do I have to do something? We broke up, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

            “He won’t listen to me. Or anyone, really. You’re the only one who can probably get through to him,” Whale paused, “I’m sure you had your reasons Boss, but from where I’m standing, it seems like Miller was more justified than you.”

            Snake sighed. Of course, none of the base knew about Kaz and Cipher. As far as they knew, Paz acted alone. Snake could tell Whale what Kaz had done. On one hand, it would justify him. On the other, it might make the base less trusting of Kaz. Not to mention, no one really knew the extent of Kaz’s betrayal to Snake but the two of them. Maybe it was best to keep it that way.

            “Our personal business is personal. I let things get out of hand,” Snake said instead, “I’ll sort it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noes! The drama! 
> 
> So Yeah, in case its not obvious, we're doing two week updates until I have the entire story written, and then we'll do one week updates until the story is completely up. Yell at me if I'm ever late! 


	15. Chapter 15

** February 25, 1975 **

            Kaz stared blankly at the reports in front of him. Reading them was the last thing he wanted to do, but he’d rather be shut up in his office than around the men. By now, word of his and Snake’s fight had spread all throughout the base. Kaz was too embarrassed to face them yet.

            Now Snake was out running double the training exercises he had before, picking up any stray side ops he could, and Kaz had exiled himself away. At least before their drama had just been rumors to the men. Now, because of Snake, the entire base had something to talk about: him. Kaz had a sinking feeling Snake had made their fight so public for a reason. It was just an extra way to punish him. 

            Kaz admittedly had been a little free with his time recently. Since Snake broke up with him, he had begun pursuing all the women who had previously shown interest in him. He wanted to think he did it for himself, so he wouldn’t feel so lonely. He knew he really did it to get Snake’s attention. In the end, he supposed, he had gotten it. 

            A quiet knock on the door pulled Kaz away from his musings. He looked up cautiously, calling them in. Thankfully, it was just Whale, bearing drinks and reports.

            Whale was one of the few people Kaz considered “safe” anymore. Since the breakup, Dove had become almost overbearing with her worry, Cecile had been filled with the strange notion that he needed more friends, and Alligator did his best to avoid him. Whale treated him about the same. 

            The doctor tossed his weekly medical report on the desk and placed two thermoses down, pushing one towards Kaz.

            “Figured you could use a bit of a pick me up,” he said in way of explanation.

            Kaz grabbed the cup eagerly.

            “Thanks, Whale. I could kill for some coffee.” Kaz took an eager sip before gagging at the taste.

            Whale laughed and sipped at his own drink.

            “Coffee is bad for you, and all that caffeine can cause insomnia. I live off of green tea.”

            Kaz, disappointed, placed the thermos back on his desk. Instead, he quietly flipped through the file.

            “How did Snake know about Armadillo?”

            “I don’t know,” Whale responded. “By the time he came to me, someone had already told him. He just asked me for confirmation.”

            “Who would have known though? And who would have cared enough to tell Snake? Most people on base hate Armadillo.”

            “One of my nurses might’ve guessed,” Whale said thoughtfully, “Or a member of team Alpha. They always seem to know what’s happening around here.”

            “I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore.”

            “In my defense, I didn’t know what the boss was going to do. I thought he’d talk to you.”

            “It’s Snake,” Kaz sighed. “He doesn’t know how to talk.”

            “You know, though,” Whale sipped his tea. “How to talk, that is.” 

            “I know I just…” Kaz trailed off.

            “Jesus, you guys have terrible coping methods.”

            Kaz took another sip of tea to keep from replying. It tasted awful.

            “Cecile wants to thank you, by the way,” Whale changed the subject, thankfully. “She’s very excited to go back home.”

            Kaz had only recently managed to get Cecile a passport; her old one was gone for good, and the French government was not the easiest to work with.

            “Will you be going with her?”

            “I’d love to visit France, but my job is here, looking out for you idiots.”

            “Thanks Whale,” Kaz smiled. “I’m thinking about taking a vacation, myself.”

            “Really?” Whale leaned back in his chair. “Do we even get vacation days around here?”

            “I could just steal a helicopter and leave. But I should probably ask Snake first.”

            “I think a break would be good for you. It would give you an excuse to talk to the Boss, too.”

            Kaz nodded. He knew he’d have to break the silence between them eventually. However, Snake probably wouldn’t appreciate Kaz wanting to leave, even if just for a little bit. 

            “Hey Commander, can I ask a question?”

            “What?” Kaz sat up a bit straighter.

            “Why Swan? Or Elephant and Dolphin for that matter.”

            “Oh that,” Kaz drooped a little. He could easily say it was because he was lonely and liked the company of pretty women, but that wasn’t it. “I guess wanted to make Snake jealous. Be careful what you wish for right?”

            Whale sighed and stood up.

            “You are terrible with bad breakups, Commander.”

            “I’m usually the one breaking hearts, Whale. This is a first for me.”

            Whale smiled.

            “You’ll be fine, Commander.”

            “I know.”

            After the doctor left, Kaz was alone again with his papers. He sighed and reopened the medical report.

            “Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel like that.”

** February 26, 1975 **

            Kaz waited outside the kill house, not really wanting to go in. Snake was currently working with Alpha inside. Armadillo had been replaced by a new soldier, and the team shipped out tomorrow. Snake had decided since almost everyone in Alpha hated Armadillo anyway, it wasn’t worth them waiting on his recovery, nor was it worth keeping him on the Alpha roster when Charlie was short staffed as it was. 

            Even if his actions had made life for Alpha a little easier, Kaz still felt terrible about the whole thing. Swan had come by his office to ask if it was alright for her to leave the base. She had said that in the end working for MSF wasn’t for her, but Kaz knew she was leaving because of him. He was currently working on getting her papers to get in to America. He had also decided to transfer some funds for her, so she could become a real nurse. A lot of MSF soldiers didn’t have lives outside the base, Swan included. Kaz wanted to make sure she could get by on her own.

            While Swan’s departure would be a good topic to bring up with Snake, Kaz was really just here to try to apologize. Snake had done as good a job as Kaz at making himself hard to come by. Kaz only knew he was training with Alpha because Dove had told him when she dropped by his office the day before to play with his guitar. 

            And so Kaz waited outside the door, most likely looking as pitiful as he felt. He knew the team was done when he smelt the slight perfumed smoke of one of Snake’s cigars. His pillow still held the slight smell from a night long ago. Kaz would do anything to be near that scent again. 

            Dove exited the building first, dripping with sweat and cursing under her breath. She was clearing making a beeline towards the showers but stopped short when she saw Kaz. She looked as if she was going to ask after him, but Snake came out of the Kill House before she had the chance.

            Snake and Kaz’s eyes locked instantly. Alligator, who had been talking animatedly to Snake, trailed off when he noticed he no longer had his attention. Snake himself was shirtless, his hair wet with sweat and falling into his eye without the bandana holding it back. Kaz hated how good he looked.

            “Kaz,” Snake stood a bit taller, “You ready for round two?”

            A part of Kaz wanted to be angry about their fight, but in truth, he simply didn’t have the energy. He was just glad his glasses mostly covered his black eye. Without his shirt, Kaz could see all the bruises he left. At least he gave as good as he got. 

            “I just want to talk,” he said quietly.

            Dove, who had been so eager to leave before, was now behind him unmoving. Alligator took a step behind Snake, a distrustful eye locked onto Kaz. It would seem since their public fight more soldiers had been picking sides. Honestly, Kaz was surprised Dove and Whale still supported him. He was grateful to have Dove behind him. He wasn’t expecting them to come to blows now, but he hadn’t two days ago in the sauna, either.   

            “Whatever it is, it can wait until I’m less busy.” 

            With that, Snake began to walk away. Alligator followed him, giving one last look at Kaz. Kaz moved a few steps after Snake before stopping. If Snake didn’t want to talk, he couldn’t make him.      

            Kaz turned back to see Dove staring angrily just past him where Snake was walking away.  
            “What was that? He can’t just ignore you!”

            Kaz put a hand on Dove’s shoulders, hoping to calm her. It didn’t appear to work.

            “He has every right to be mad at me. Can you not be so loud? You’ll cause a scene.”

            “But he has no right to treat you that way!”

            Kaz sighed, glancing around. Thankfully, Dove’s angry voice hadn’t garnered a crowd yet, although there was no doubt Snake could still hear her.

            “I appreciate the concern, I do, but it’s none of your business.”

            “That’s what Big Boss said,” Dove muttered. “But you’re my friend, and it’s not fair. All this shit with Zeke and Paz and then he just cuts you out? You do everything around here; he shouldn’t treat you like that.”

            “You don’t know what happened. Not all of it, anyway. Don’t worry about me, really. I’ll figure it out.”

            Dove looked like she might say something else but ultimately stopped herself. She patted Kaz’s arm instead.

            “Whatever happens, just know I got your back, Boss.”

            Kaz watched her go. He was never “Boss” to the soldiers; he was “Master” or “Commander.” Snake was Boss, always had been. It could have been a slip of the tongue, but Kaz didn’t think so. 

            Kaz had never thought that his and Snake’s breakup would affect the men. And he definitely never thought anyone would be on his side over Snake’s. Yet Dove stood up for him, and Whale tried to cover for him when he needed it. Dove was right when she said he ran the base by himself. He’s personally spoken to every member of the base at least once, something Snake hadn’t done for anyone outside of the combat teams. MSF was more his than it was Snake’s, anymore. 

            Asking Snake for permission to leave would be a mistake. This was his home, and Snake wouldn’t drive him away from it. 

** March 2, 1974 **

            “ _Monsieur_ Miller, you’ve been so helpful.”

            Kaz smiled and continued to sort through Cecile’s recordings. Her dorm room was now almost completely empty. She was leaving for France tomorrow, and had asked for help moving. Whale had been in and out carrying suitcases, and Kaz had begun organizing all of Cecile’s bird recordings and pictures. He wasn’t supposed to be doing it, necessarily, but when he had entered the ornithologist’s room, he was so distracted by the scattered notes and tapes that he had started putting them away meticulously. 

            “Well, you would have done it if I hadn’t,” Kaz said, knowing very well that she wouldn’t have.

            “Yes, but now I don’t have too! It’s just wonderful!”

            She sat on the floor next to Kaz, taking the now organized crate of notes and pictures. 

            “I am excited to go home, but I think I’ll miss it here. It’s so beautiful, being over the sea.”

            “Not a lot of birds over the sea.”

            “No, I suppose not. But it was nice.” She stopped to flip through a stack of pictures. Most were of various birds, but separated at the bottom were some pictures of the base, Whale, and the ocean. “I wish I had a few more pictures than this.”

            “I have a lot of pictures of this base. You can take some, if you want.”

            “Oh, that would be _merveilleux_! Thanks, _Monsieur_ Miller.”

            Kaz smiled and stood up. He could see through the window by Cecile’s bed that it was already night. He had been helping all day, and still had a bit more work to do.

            “I’ll bring my stuff by tomorrow morning, so you can look at it before you go. OK?”

            “That’ll be fine,” Cecile followed him up and pulled him into a hug, “You’ve been so helpful. Have a good night.”

            “Good night Cecile.”

            Kaz left to go back to his office. Before letting Cecile rummage through his things, he’d probably have to go through them, himself. He’d been collecting pictures and recordings of life at MSF since he’d joined two years ago. Since he started dating Snake, his collection had become a little more private. He’d hate for Cecile to see something she really shouldn’t.

            When he unlocked his office, he saw stacked on his desk the passports and paperwork for Swan to enter the US. He had forgotten that she was leaving the base tomorrow, too. With a muttered curse, he grabbed the papers and checked the time. It was still early enough that she’d probably be awake.

            Cecile had gotten a private room because she was a civilian. Most members of MSF lived in shared dormitories. Kaz had accidently sectioned off too much room for female only dorms. Instead of changing room assignments, however, he just let the few women they had choose where they wanted to sleep. As a result, most women had sectioned of the rooms based on work assignments. So when Kaz knocked on Swan’s dorm, he was only disturbing a few other nurses as opposed to half the base. Swan answered his knock, and appeared to be alone, as well.

            “The other girls are at the R&D dorm. They’re having a ‘sleep over,’” she explained when she saw his confusion at the empty bunks. 

            “I don’t remember approving anything like that.”

            She gestured for him to come inside. She sat on her bunk and Kaz sat across from her. He gave the papers to her.

            “There’s a passport there, and a Driver’s License. I’ve also got some ‘proof’ of you working down here as a nurse for the Doctors without Borders. I figure if customs asks why you were down here the truth wouldn’t be very helpful.”  

            Swan kept flipping through the papers without responding, so Kaz kept talking.

            “I also got you accepted into a nursing school. So that way you can get your license and keep working in America. I’ve set up a bank account with some money so you can get started. It’s not a lot but…”

            “I haven’t been called Nadine in a long time,” she said quietly, her fingers resting on the passport picture.

            “It’s a nice name,” Kaz stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Good luck.”

            “Thank you,” she smiled. 

** March 3, 1974 **

            “Did you find any you like?”

            “A few,” Cecile held up a small stack of Polaroid’s. “Thank you for letting me look through you collection, _Monsieur_ Miller.”

            “No problem.” 

            Kaz’s box of keep sakes was open next to Cecile’s. Both of them loved recording and photography, and both of their cardboard boxes were stacked with pictures and cassettes. Cecile closed her box with her new pictures inside. 

            Kaz and Whale helped to carry her luggage to the helicopter that would take her to shore. Swan was already there. She looked strange in civilian clothes; her pastel sweater and blonde hair making her look younger. Kaz still felt terrible about her leaving, but her mind was set, it seemed. 

            She gave a reassuring smile to Kaz as he lifted Cecile’s suitcases into the helicopter. The woman herself was currently giving a very tearful goodbye to Whale, who was doing his best to console her. Snake didn’t look to be there.

            When Cecile had composed herself, she took one look at her bags and cursed. 

            “I forgot my pictures! I can’t leave without them.”

            “I’ll get them. They’re in the cardboard box, right?” Whale asked. 

            “Thank you, _ma chérie_.”

            Whale took off back towards the dorms, and Kaz felt like he just volunteered to get away from another tearful goodbye. Since Kaz himself wasn’t so lucky, he found his arms full of a weeping French woman. He hugged her back, only half listening as she rambled. Kaz heard footsteps, and thinking it was Whale, looked up from Cecile. Instead of the doctor, it was Snake approaching the helipad. Kaz froze, but Snake ignored him to speak with Swan instead. 

            When Cecile finally untangled herself from Kaz, she was very excited to see Snake, and proceeded to give him the same treatment she had given to Whale and Kaz. Snake seemed to handle it a lot better than the doctor did, though.

            When Whale finally came back with the box, the pilot was gesturing at his watch from the cockpit. They were out of time.

            Kaz took the box from Whale and put it with Cecile’s things.

            “You’re going to miss your flight if you don’t leave now.”

            Cecile nodded. She gave Snake and Kaz both a kiss on the cheek, and for Whale a rather long kiss on the lips, before waving goodbye and finally entering the helicopter.

            The three men on the helipad watched the take off. Kaz glanced to his side to see Snake watching him. Whale was giving nervous glances between the two of them. Without saying a word, he left the helipad, and for the first time in a while, Snake and Kaz were alone.

            “We should talk.”

            “Now you want to talk,” Kaz could hear the edge of anger in his voice. Not a good start.

            “Thanks for handling Swan and Cecile by yourself. I should have helped.”

            Kaz shook his head.

            “It’s my job to do logistics. It’s your job to look pretty.”

            “Kaz…” now Snake’s voice held a tone of warning. 

            Before Kaz could say anything else, his radio buzzed to life. Cursing, Kaz activated the ear piece.

            “ _Sir, there’s an intel report from Cuba you really need to see._ ”

            “Can it wait?” Kaz snapped.

            “ _Not really sir. You need to see it right now.”_

__ “What is it?”

            _“We found Paz. She’s alive.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [GASP!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw)
> 
> Some random notes... I'm in love with my OCs. Send help. Dove is too pure for this world. I love her so much.
> 
> Also... ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR SOME PAIN! Cuz it's coming... It's coming.


	16. Chapter 16

** March 3, 1975 **

            Snake sometimes wondered how Kaz had managed to build everything imaginable into Mother Base. He never knew they even had a conference room in the command strut until a half hour ago.

            Kaz was seated at one end of the long table, a series of scattered reports in front of him and a worried look on his face. Once Kaz had received his message from Intel, he had called an emergency meeting, something he had never done before. The conference room was soon filled with anybody he felt was important. Huey and Strangelove sat next to each other, across from them was Amanda and Whale. 

            Kaz locked eyes with Snake. He pushed one of the files across the table towards him. It was a report from their Intel team, and it said…

            “Paz is alive…” Snake murmured.

            The table’s occupants perked up in disbelief. Snake took some photos out of the file, photos that clearly showed Paz’s face, and passed them to Amanda. 

            “I have no idea how,” Kaz said quietly. “We searched the entire area around mother base after she fell. We couldn’t find a body but… She shouldn’t have been able to survive the fall anyway.”

            “I suppose it is possible,” Whale spoke up. “Where were these taken?”

            “The southern tip of Cuba. According to Intel she’s in Camp Omega, a CIA black site.”

            “Not a very nice place to be,” Amanda murmured.

            “She knows an awful lot about MSF,” Snake said.

            “Yeah,” Kaz sighed. “We can’t let her tell any secrets to her captors.”

            “She needs to be taken out.”

            Kaz winced, but just barely. He was still pretty green when it came to the darker side of their business, and Snake could tell. 

            “It’s the easiest solution. We can prevent her from spilling her guts and get rid of a Cipher agent all at once.”

            If looks could kill, Snake would probably be dead from the stare Kaz gave him. But, at the end of the day, they couldn’t, and Snake maintained eye contact until the younger man glanced away. 

            The room was silent for a moment before Kaz spoke up.

            “I don’t think she’s told them anything about MSF.”

            Snake raised an eyebrow, and so Kaz continued.

            “A little bit ago, the UN contacted us asking to conduct a nuclear inspection of Mother Base. I turned them down. After all, we’re a private company, and the UN has no jurisdiction. If the CIA knew about ZEKE, they wouldn’t have taken no for an answer.”

            “Killing her still seems to be the most viable option.”

            “I think we should try to retrieve her. Alive of course.She’s got information on us, but she also knows about Cipher. Just because we defeated them once doesn’t mean the threat is gone. Cipher could still want us, and it’s important we know everything they’re planning.”

            “Having Paz alive could put you one up on this ‘Cipher’ guy,” Amanda chimed in, “Although a hostage rescue could prove more difficult to pull off than a simple elimination.”

            “I don’t want Cipher spies in Mother Base, and that’s final.” Snake stood up. “Kaz, get me what you can about that camp. I’ll go in myself.”

            Snake moved around the table to the door, ignoring Kaz’s glare. He felt much better after he’d left the room altogether.  

** March 5, 1975 **

            “Boss, have you seen Chico?”

            Amanda stood half in and half out of the killhouse door, a couple of guerillas behind her. Snake put his gun down and turned to face her. 

            “I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

            Chico had gotten a lot quieter after the ZEKE incident. He hadn’t been in very talkative moods and would often just sulk around base.

            “Look, Boss, I don’t know why, but I told Chico that Paz was alive and…”

            “What did he do?”

            “Some of his stuff is gone. I think he might try to rescue her.”

            Snake cursed and started towards the door. 

            “There’s no way he could’ve gotten far.”

<><><> 

            Snake watched Kaz out of the corner of his eye. Amanda insisted that he know what was going on. When she told him, Kaz had immediately started tracking down the helicopters that had made supply runs since last night.

            “If he got off the base he had to take one of the helicopters,” he had explained while pulling out reports.

            Everyone on base was told to keep an eye out for him, but Amanda was certain he wasn’t there anymore. If Kaz could find the helicopter he snuck out on, then they could pin down a specific location to start a search. Snake was pretty sure the kid was long gone, however.

            None of the helicopter pilots were very helpful. Most of their flights left very early in the morning, generally before the break of dawn. Once they were in their cockpit, hearing and visibility were low, and someone could easily hide with the cargo. 

            Snake was too far away to hear the conversation Kaz and Amanda were currently having with Morpho, but it looked to be unhelpful. This was confirmed when the two came back to him, Kaz already shaking his head.

            “We may not know where he is, but we know where he’s going,” Amanda said. “We have people around the camp already; can’t they intercept him?”

            “I’ll tell them to keep an eye out, but it’s dangerous for our agents to always be watching around the camp. I don’t want them drawing too much attention to themselves.”

            “My guerillas could go off base and look ourselves, if you don’t mind?” She looked at Snake hopefully.

            “You’re their _comandante_ , Amanda; you don’t need to ask me permission.”

            “I can get your guys equipment,” Kaz said tiredly, “Just know it’s unlikely you’ll find anything.”

            “I know, I just…” 

            Snake watched Amanda stutter and cover her face. Kaz placed a hand on her shoulder.

            “We’ll figure something out.”

** March 9, `1975 **

             “I’m going to kill him.”

            “Calm down Kaz.”

            “I’m going to roll his goddamn wheelchair into the ocean.”

            Snake leaned against the door to his sub commander’s office and watched him rage. The phone was currently on the floor, presumably where Kaz had thrown it. A piece of paper was clutched in his hand. He shoved it toward Snake, all but pushing it into the larger man’s chest.

            “Look at it.”

            Snake carefully took the paper from his outstretched hand, straightening it to the best of his ability. It had the United Nations seal on it.

            “I thought you turned the UN down?”

            “I did. A certain scientist we know wrote them back.”

            “How do you know Huey did it?”

            “I called and asked.”

            “Kaz, did you really call the UN?”   

            “Yes, I did, and they were very enthusiastic about our cooperation,” Kaz growled. “Snake, you do know what this means? We can’t tell them ‘no’ now. We have to allow it; it’ll be suspicious if we don’t.”

            Snake sighed and folded the letter along its original creasing, smoothing out the wrinkles Kaz had created as he did so.

            “Don’t you think it’s strange the UN wants to inspect us now? Why did they wait so long after we destroyed Peace Walker?”

            “I do, and it’s why I didn’t want to deal with this at all. Especially with Paz and Chico…” Kaz sighed and slumped into his office chair. Snake took the seat across from his desk.

            “I had the Intel team posted in Cuba keeping an eye out for Chico, and apparently, Camp Omega has one more guest than it did before.”

            Snake lit a cigar while he watched Kaz thumb through files. He pushed one towards him. Snake flipped it open to find a picture of Chico clipped to a report. He closed the file; he didn’t feel like reading it.

            “I have communications trying to get a hold of Amanda. She can’t touch that base.”

            “But we can.”

            “Look, Boss, I didn’t say anything earlier, but, from what little I know, Cipher suspects Paz to be a double agent.”

            “Really?”

            “I think her capture and this inspection are linked somehow. The timing is too perfect. We need her alive to know.”

            “You think she has something to do with the UN?”

            “I don’t know,” Kaz sighed. “But something is going down and we have a week to prepare for it. The inspection is next Sunday.”

            “What’s our plan?”

            Kaz seemed surprised. It was true that Snake hadn’t been paying attention to him the past month. But they were in trouble now, and at the end of the day, Snake had to admit that Kaz was the only one who could see them through it. It was time they stopped fighting.

            Kaz took a steadying breath before beginning. 

            “We need to make the base presentable for an inspection. We should move civilians off base and some of our more experienced combat teams. We have to appear less threatening than we are. Thankfully, I can have someone else deal with most of that.”

            Kaz paused to open the Intel report on Camp Omega. 

            “As for this, we need to act fast. Not just for Chico’s sake; we don’t know what they have planned for Paz. We’re lucky she’s still there. I can have a mission prepped in a week, maybe less.”

            “Do I need to be here for the nuclear inspection?”

            “I don’t think so, why?”

            “Try to plan the mission for the same day. It’s probably the best time for me to go.”

            “You never really were good at talking anyway,” Kaz smiled, then sighed wistfully. “What are we doing, Snake?”

            Snake watched Kaz lean over his desk for support, sunglasses slipping down his nose. He took them off and rubbed at his eyes before looking at back at him. He looked so young and uncertain. Snake impulsively lifted a hand to his face, tracing his cheekbones and relishing the soft gasp he got in response. His fingers tightened below his chin and pulled him closer. Snake leaned forward and met him in the middle, his kiss soft and reassuring. After a moment, Kaz enthusiastically reciprocated, opening his mouth and kissing back sloppily. They broke gasping.

            “We can figure it out later,” Snake mumbled, before pulling Kaz back for a deeper kiss.

** March 15, 1975 **

            Snake watched the helicopter carrying team Alpha travel into the night. Early throughout the week almost all the active combat teams had been dispatched, including Bravo and Charlie. Alpha left last, and with them the last true security force for MSF. Kaz had said that he wanted MSF running only the minimum for the inspection, so that the inspectors wouldn’t get a full read on the true size of their forces. Strangelove and any other civilians left on the base had been transported off as well. Kaz seemed adamant it was all necessary; Snake still wasn’t so sure.

            “What if something happens? There will be hardly any combat staff here.” Snake had asked the day before over coffee. Kaz had smiled at him, his hair a mess and wearing Snake’s favorite t-shirt.

            “Nothing will happen while the UN is here. And anyway, Charlie is set to return right after they leave, maybe even while they’re still here.”

            “I guess,” Snake mumbled out a reply, more distracted by the way his larger shirt had draped over Kaz’s chest.

            Now, in full gear and standing at the helipad in the middle of the night, he couldn’t help but feel that it was a mistake.

            Kaz was with him, this time in his own clothes, and going over last minute details with Morpho. He thought about bringing it up again, but nothing could be done about it now.

            “You ready, Boss?” Whale asked next to him. It was strange seeing him in a full uniform, balaclava pulled into place, but the man himself seemed comfortable. Before the expansion of MSF, Whale had been their only field medic. Now, he had become less of a medic and more of an actual doctor. In the end, he was still the best trauma surgeon they had, and Snake had insisted he came on this mission.

            Whale followed his eyes to see where he was looking.

            “So are you and Miller together again or…”

            “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Doc.”

            “Really? Cuz you weren’t exactly subtle in the mess hall the other day.”

            “Kaz doesn’t know what subtle means.”

            “No, I suppose not.” Whale paused as the man in question joined them. “I’ll be in the helicopter if you need me, Boss.”

            Snake turned his attention to Kaz. 

            “Everything’s ready. You should reach Cuba early tomorrow. I’ll provide radio support.”

            “Won’t you need to great the inspectors?”

            “You should be out of there before the inspectors arrive. Either way, I’ve been letting Huey handle most of it, since all this was all his idea.”

            Snake grunted and leaned in for a kiss. Kaz took a step back.

            “Snake, we really need to talk about this.”

            “We will,” Snake sighed and placed a hand on Kaz’s shoulder. “After I finish this mission and we get this inspection out of the way, we’ll talk. I promise.”

            He leaned down and gave the younger man a kiss on the cheek before turning to enter the helicopter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, writing for Snake's POV is hard.  
> So in other news I may have gotten a bit behind. It wouldn't normally be that bad, but the next upload date is around midterms for me, so chances are I'll just end up getting even more behind if I try to make it. In light of this, I will be skipping the next upload :(  
> This means for you guys I wn't be uploading again until March 11. It's a bit drastic, but I feel need the extra time for school.


End file.
